Axiom

I had Easter dinner with my family last night, which for the most part was great. I am extremely fortunate that my alcoholism only bruised my relationship with them. I isolated and pulled away, occasionally got tipsy at family dinners but they mainly saw that as me being in my 20's. When I got home I would do my hard drinking.

I had a really rough(understatement) detox when I thought I just needed a break from drinking. I am actually really thankful for this because it kicked my butt into sobriety. I still can work myself up if I think about it too much.

Anyway, the "adults" in my family(parents, sister, aunts, uncles and grandmother) know basically what I went through but my cousins(all younger) don't. I haven't shared all the dark and dirties with them. Why? In part because I'm embarrassed and in part because they feel really guilty about not knowing how bad I was. Which is ridiculous because I was hiding how bad it was and wasn't really aware of it myself.

They are great about being supportive and are really happy that I am sober and coming around more. They don't offer alcohol ever and during Thanksgiving and Christmas the drinking was a lot less for everyone than in the past.

I have a lot of heavy drinkers in my family, I was much worse then they seem to be and really spun out over the past few years, but they have been awesome. My Grandmother is definitely a daily drinker but is sneaky with her drinking when I am around. Always making her drink in another room. I know this isn't a good thing and I wish she would quit but I know there is nothing I can do about that.

Sorry for the long background, now to the point. What do you do when conversation goes to heavy drinking? I have collage age cousins who go out and party hard. My family will laugh and make jokes about the drinking. Which is fine and hopefully they will all mature out it. The problem I am having is my anxiety sky rockets during this time and I pretty much shut down. It's not that I think they are all going down the path I did, more that I go back to what I went through with detox and my stomach knots up. I don't want to bring the attention to me and change the conversation because that's not fair in a family, but what should I do? I can't get up and leave the room if it happens while we are all eating.

I know this is a good problem to have, but what do you do when really supportive people don't realize they are sending you spinning?

(sorry for the essay. I started writing and just kept typing.)

zjw

I know it might be bad but it depends on who the conversation is with. For example I had a conversation with a repair man not long ago where I chuckled and laughed about how i took qualoods recreationaly and oh gee those where the days not anymore etc.. Others where i'm more serious and will talk about how bad it is to do such things and so on.

I just go with the flow when in rome do as the romans. I dont rock other peoples boats on such topics I try to understand at one time i too was the one that couldnt wait to tell some story about how trashed i got as if that was a good and humerous thing etc..

I bet theres a better way to handle it. I guess if you HAVE to engage in such conversations then its best to be the responsable voice.

biminiblue

Yeah, I don't think there's any way to expect their behavior to change. Yours didn't until it did, ya know?

Maybe do some writing in your journal about just how awful detox was so you can get some perspective on why these conversations are so uncomfortable.

I've left during conversations about things that are painful for me. No reason why you can't quietly go outside and regroup, take some deep breaths, etc.