Trivial dispute makes me angry - massive trigger!
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Trivial dispute makes me angry - massive trigger!
We've got a really selfish neighbour opposite who is really inconsiderate with parking in that they partially obstruct access to my and another neighbour's drives. I've spoken to them on many occasions and they begrudgingly park less inconsiderately usually.
Being Easter they have a family member staying and they have caused a partial obstruction.
It's not too bad for me but causes great inconvenience and trouble to the elderly lady opposite. They have no insight and are totally selfish as is evident from previous efforts to communicate with them.
Just got back in now and struggled to park and could feel the anger rising as my elderly neighbour had extreme difficulty manoeuvring through.
My first thoughts were to relieve the anger with a drink! so I posted here....
I know in the great scheme of things parking disputes are trivial and I should be grateful for having a car and a drive etc etc but it's their total disregard for others, lack of common decency and inability to see reason that makes me so mad!!!!!!!!!!
I realise acceptance is the key here but feel better for getting it off my chest....................thanks - and a happy Easter to all
Being Easter they have a family member staying and they have caused a partial obstruction.
It's not too bad for me but causes great inconvenience and trouble to the elderly lady opposite. They have no insight and are totally selfish as is evident from previous efforts to communicate with them.
Just got back in now and struggled to park and could feel the anger rising as my elderly neighbour had extreme difficulty manoeuvring through.
My first thoughts were to relieve the anger with a drink! so I posted here....
I know in the great scheme of things parking disputes are trivial and I should be grateful for having a car and a drive etc etc but it's their total disregard for others, lack of common decency and inability to see reason that makes me so mad!!!!!!!!!!
I realise acceptance is the key here but feel better for getting it off my chest....................thanks - and a happy Easter to all
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Resentment is bad news for us. It's like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Effective solutions I have found are to pray for good things for the offender, and/or consider that they might be a sick person rather than a bad person. Perhaps we can say " this is a sick person, God save me from being angry."
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Really sorry Hendrix happy easter bud
Reading this reminded me of the dispute over a parking space in london in the last 6 months what happened because of that was horrific
Harrow woman may have been murdered in 'parking row' - BBC News
(are you allowed to erect your own parking barrier to stop this from happening ?)
Reading this reminded me of the dispute over a parking space in london in the last 6 months what happened because of that was horrific
Harrow woman may have been murdered in 'parking row' - BBC News
(are you allowed to erect your own parking barrier to stop this from happening ?)
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
There not doing anything illegal - it's just so damn selfish and inconsiderate. They think only of themselves and truly don't care about anything or anyone except themselves. They're not the most intelligent crew in the area and al efforts to negotiate or communicate on a civilised level have failed - and I don't want to et into threats or nastiness!
I don't do the praying thing I'm afraid - just need to accept it and feel grateful that my family and the rest of the neighbours are not as selfish and ignorant as them!
I don't do the praying thing I'm afraid - just need to accept it and feel grateful that my family and the rest of the neighbours are not as selfish and ignorant as them!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
When I am faced with stuff like this, I look at it as a challenge. "How can I work around this?" It's like a board game, or Angry Birds…I'm an addict, if I can convince people of things with my DOC I can sure find a way to get what I need.
Draw us a picture of how the parking is set up and explain what your elderly neighbor needs as far as parking. I bet a bunch of alcoholics and addicts can give you some ideas to work around their douchebaggery. Nothing illegal or cruel mind you-but I remember when I lived on a corner lot up north. We had people drive on our grass all the time to cut the corner. Finally we called in a few favors and some friends showed up with about 8 boulders. We set those suckers up and wahla, people didn't cut through our yard anymore! Of course we talked to all the powers that be in the area before we did it to make sure what were were doing was on the up and up.
Point being-when you can't beat them-think like an addict/alcoholic. What are your goals here? It's obvious that they don't give a cra* and you aren't going to make them-do what you need to do.
Draw us a picture of how the parking is set up and explain what your elderly neighbor needs as far as parking. I bet a bunch of alcoholics and addicts can give you some ideas to work around their douchebaggery. Nothing illegal or cruel mind you-but I remember when I lived on a corner lot up north. We had people drive on our grass all the time to cut the corner. Finally we called in a few favors and some friends showed up with about 8 boulders. We set those suckers up and wahla, people didn't cut through our yard anymore! Of course we talked to all the powers that be in the area before we did it to make sure what were were doing was on the up and up.
Point being-when you can't beat them-think like an addict/alcoholic. What are your goals here? It's obvious that they don't give a cra* and you aren't going to make them-do what you need to do.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
You handled that well by coming here instead of drinking Hendrix. Consider Hanlon's razor for situations like this. It states Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. Trying to figure out how they can be such butt holes is a recipe for a meltdown. They just are.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hendrix....that steamy anger that comes from nowhere will not be fixed with a drink. Drinking continues the brain chemistry that makes us want to explode.
I've noticed the difference a good stint of sobriety can make to anger....the calmness in tackling things will happen, just bear with it.
Sure, your neighbours are inconsiderate. You've tried talking to them and it didn't work before. Sometimes we just have to accept people are ignorant. Sometimes it's new territory for us to shut our mouths and say nothing - sometimes I'm just the one who has to change, not others.
I've noticed the difference a good stint of sobriety can make to anger....the calmness in tackling things will happen, just bear with it.
Sure, your neighbours are inconsiderate. You've tried talking to them and it didn't work before. Sometimes we just have to accept people are ignorant. Sometimes it's new territory for us to shut our mouths and say nothing - sometimes I'm just the one who has to change, not others.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
When I got pi$$ed and got drunk, I usually got more pi$$ed and did something stupid that ended up causing me more grief. Being sober I can keep my cool and be much more creative in coming up with a solution for things that irritated me. You'll figure it out. If you let it get to you your feeding their ignorance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Hendrix 
There not doing anything illegal - it's just so damn selfish and inconsiderate. They think only of themselves and truly don't care about anything or anyone except themselves. They're not the most intelligent crew in the area and al efforts to negotiate or communicate on a civilised level have failed - and I don't want to et into threats or nastiness!
Good point. The fact they are doing nothing illegal probably means they don`t have to care what you think or anyone else thinks. Acceptance is all you can do outside of repeatedly asking which may escalate the situation into further.
Unfortunately there are many people like your neighbours in the world.
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Thanks folks
It's totally pointless getting the law or council involved - they wouldn't be interested as no law is being broken.
I particularly like Silentrun's post about Hanlon's razor! So appropriate here and something that really helps to put it in perspective and not use it as an excuse to drink!
I find it amazing that such a thing would have been an excuse to drink for me not so long ago - but there you go - it didn't take much
I feel stronger now and will change the way I view them - they're ignorance and shallowness is to be pitied really.
Cheers folks - have a good day
It's totally pointless getting the law or council involved - they wouldn't be interested as no law is being broken.
I particularly like Silentrun's post about Hanlon's razor! So appropriate here and something that really helps to put it in perspective and not use it as an excuse to drink!
I find it amazing that such a thing would have been an excuse to drink for me not so long ago - but there you go - it didn't take much
I feel stronger now and will change the way I view them - they're ignorance and shallowness is to be pitied really.
Cheers folks - have a good day
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