How Do You Talk About Your Alcoholism?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 58
How Do You Talk About Your Alcoholism?
I'm interested in hearing how you all handle sharing or not sharing your problems with alcohol. Because once in a while, we are asked about why we don't drink.
There are a lot of ways to describe our affliction and also a lot of ways to deflect it: "I'm an alcoholic." "I'm allergic to alcohol." "I don't like to drink." "I have high blood pressure." "I'm trying to drop a few pounds."
The term "alcoholic" is very stigmatized, at least in my country/region (northeast America). After I had done some research and saw how pervasive alcohol was, I decided that the shroud of silence and shame was one of the contributing factors to this epidemic. And I cannot in good conscience protect a secret that's killing people.
I suffered for decades and never reached out for help, due to being ashamed. If I'd known how common the problem was or that there were so many forms of help available, my drinking would not have gone on for 25 years!
So, my personal choice is to put it right out there. "I no longer drink, because I drank heavily for 25 years and it was killing me." My hope is that this helps start a candid conversation about alcoholism among both drinkers and non-drinkers.
How about you?
There are a lot of ways to describe our affliction and also a lot of ways to deflect it: "I'm an alcoholic." "I'm allergic to alcohol." "I don't like to drink." "I have high blood pressure." "I'm trying to drop a few pounds."
The term "alcoholic" is very stigmatized, at least in my country/region (northeast America). After I had done some research and saw how pervasive alcohol was, I decided that the shroud of silence and shame was one of the contributing factors to this epidemic. And I cannot in good conscience protect a secret that's killing people.
I suffered for decades and never reached out for help, due to being ashamed. If I'd known how common the problem was or that there were so many forms of help available, my drinking would not have gone on for 25 years!
So, my personal choice is to put it right out there. "I no longer drink, because I drank heavily for 25 years and it was killing me." My hope is that this helps start a candid conversation about alcoholism among both drinkers and non-drinkers.
How about you?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by IOAA2 
The simple honest answer is “NO THANK YOU.”
LOL, it speaks volumes that people notice that I'm not drinking. But that's okay; I want them to notice.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I'm interested in hearing how you all handle sharing or not sharing your problems with alcohol. Because once in a while, we are asked about why we don't drink."
Today I don't have a problem with alcohol. The problem has been removed.
If asked why I don't drink it's as simple as ," because I don't." I don't have to explain why.
I have been offered a drink before and a simple ," no thanks" was good enough.
I really don't recall being asked why I don't drink.if it does occur, the above response is good enough for me.
Today I don't have a problem with alcohol. The problem has been removed.
If asked why I don't drink it's as simple as ," because I don't." I don't have to explain why.
I have been offered a drink before and a simple ," no thanks" was good enough.
I really don't recall being asked why I don't drink.if it does occur, the above response is good enough for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
When I first quit I had this mental essay I prepared to roll out when people asked me why I wasn't drinking.
I assumed other people thought drinking was as important as I did.
I was totally wrong.
Most people I've met don't care if I drink or not, or have any interest in why.
'No thanks I don't drink' gets me out of 98% of situations.
the other 2% are people who knew me as a drinker or people who desperately want everyone else to drink with them, for reasons of their own.
'No' is a complete sentence. I don't owe anyone an explanation and I honestly don't feel the need to be a poster child for alcoholism.
D
I assumed other people thought drinking was as important as I did.
I was totally wrong.
Most people I've met don't care if I drink or not, or have any interest in why.
'No thanks I don't drink' gets me out of 98% of situations.
the other 2% are people who knew me as a drinker or people who desperately want everyone else to drink with them, for reasons of their own.
'No' is a complete sentence. I don't owe anyone an explanation and I honestly don't feel the need to be a poster child for alcoholism.
D
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Dee74
'No' is a complete sentence.
D
D
Seriously, in the two plus years I ve been sober, I have yet to have someone ask me that question.
Maybe it's because I Avoid socializing with nosey people or more likely because most people don't care.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hey!!! That's Grumpy Cat's line lol.
LOLD
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by LaTraviata
I'm interested in hearing how you all handle sharing or not sharing your problems with alcohol. Because once in a while, we are asked about why we don't drink.
There are a lot of ways to describe our affliction and also a lot of ways to deflect it: "I'm an alcoholic." "I'm allergic to alcohol." "I don't like to drink." "I have high blood pressure." "I'm trying to drop a few pounds."
The term "alcoholic" is very stigmatized, at least in my country/region (northeast America). After I had done some research and saw how pervasive alcohol was, I decided that the shroud of silence and shame was one of the contributing factors to this epidemic. And I cannot in good conscience protect a secret that's killing people.
I suffered for decades and never reached out for help, due to being ashamed. If I'd known how common the problem was or that there were so many forms of help available, my drinking would not have gone on for 25 years!
So, my personal choice is to put it right out there. "I no longer drink, because I drank heavily for 25 years and it was killing me." My hope is that this helps start a candid conversation about alcoholism among both drinkers and non-drinkers.
How about you?
There are a lot of ways to describe our affliction and also a lot of ways to deflect it: "I'm an alcoholic." "I'm allergic to alcohol." "I don't like to drink." "I have high blood pressure." "I'm trying to drop a few pounds."
The term "alcoholic" is very stigmatized, at least in my country/region (northeast America). After I had done some research and saw how pervasive alcohol was, I decided that the shroud of silence and shame was one of the contributing factors to this epidemic. And I cannot in good conscience protect a secret that's killing people.
I suffered for decades and never reached out for help, due to being ashamed. If I'd known how common the problem was or that there were so many forms of help available, my drinking would not have gone on for 25 years!
So, my personal choice is to put it right out there. "I no longer drink, because I drank heavily for 25 years and it was killing me." My hope is that this helps start a candid conversation about alcoholism among both drinkers and non-drinkers.
How about you?
At work I say I stop some years back because of stomach trouble.
I`ve never had anyone bother me about not drinking. In fact, nobody really cares.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I share Dee's view. Usually just say "I don't drink" and most people never ask anything else. There are many people who don't drink, for one reason or another. My opinion is that we don't need to provide public explanation to why we do or don't do things when our choice and behavior (sobriety, in this case) causes no harm to anyone. When I got asked a few times "why", I usually say I feel healthier not drinking -- and it's 100% true.
One exception is close relationships when I feel it's important to share this aspect of my life with someone I want to really get to know me. In that case, I just tell them straight and directly, and it is important for me that they know. But no need to discuss all the gruesome details just for the sake of presenting it. I usually say that I don't drink now and don't plan to drink in the future because I had a problem with it in the past. I talk about details when there is a context for them.
Another exception might be when we want to make amends to someone for past behavior. Not sure how others handle the communication related to this, when I did it I would usually focus on the specific issue I wanted to target with that specific person (=their or own problem) and less so on drinking (=my own problem).
I think that early in sobriety many of us are so excited and proud of our success and changes that we may feel a need to show to the world... I had a phase like that too, but I'm glad I did not act on it. It's really just private matter. Everyone has lots of personal choices that we don't owe explanation about.
One exception is close relationships when I feel it's important to share this aspect of my life with someone I want to really get to know me. In that case, I just tell them straight and directly, and it is important for me that they know. But no need to discuss all the gruesome details just for the sake of presenting it. I usually say that I don't drink now and don't plan to drink in the future because I had a problem with it in the past. I talk about details when there is a context for them.
Another exception might be when we want to make amends to someone for past behavior. Not sure how others handle the communication related to this, when I did it I would usually focus on the specific issue I wanted to target with that specific person (=their or own problem) and less so on drinking (=my own problem).
I think that early in sobriety many of us are so excited and proud of our success and changes that we may feel a need to show to the world... I had a phase like that too, but I'm glad I did not act on it. It's really just private matter. Everyone has lots of personal choices that we don't owe explanation about.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 58
Thanks for these great responses. I'd like to clarify my question, though. I wasn't asking how people turn down drinks (the obvious answer is "No, thanks.") but rather how people respond to questions about their abstinence.
Does anybody ever ask you why you're not drinking? If so, how do you respond? I respond with the truth and am curious how others respond.
Does anybody ever ask you why you're not drinking? If so, how do you respond? I respond with the truth and am curious how others respond.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
I just say "no thanks" or " no thanks, it doesn't agree with me". It's the truth. I consider myself to be an ex-drinker, not an alcoholic; I'm a teetotaler, I don't drink. It seems sad to me that in western culture, and I'm paraphrasing Jason Carr here, people think there is something wrong with you if you don't drink.
I'm not sure that the term "alcoholic" is particularly useful. I prefer the notion of "addicted to alcohol". Alcohol is an addictive drug, so is nicotine. I smoked heavily when I was in my youth. I was strongly addicted to nicotine. Then I quit smoking (it was tough). I never thought of calling myself a recovering nicoholic, just someone who doesn't smoke. I was similarly addicted to alcohol. Then I quit drinking (it was tough). I don't call myself a recovering alcoholic, I'm just someone who doesn't drink.
I think that the difference in mindset between viewing oneself as a "recovering alcoholic" and a "teetotaler" is important. Being a teetotaler is in my mind a positive thing, something people need to know about me. The term recovering alcoholic, on the other hand, seems to describe a somewhat passive, continuing state of affairs; a process rather than an event. A half empty glass (of lemonade) or unfinished business if you will.
I realize that not everyone sees the battle the same way as do I and we all have to deal with alcohol as we see best. This is simply my view.
I'm not sure that the term "alcoholic" is particularly useful. I prefer the notion of "addicted to alcohol". Alcohol is an addictive drug, so is nicotine. I smoked heavily when I was in my youth. I was strongly addicted to nicotine. Then I quit smoking (it was tough). I never thought of calling myself a recovering nicoholic, just someone who doesn't smoke. I was similarly addicted to alcohol. Then I quit drinking (it was tough). I don't call myself a recovering alcoholic, I'm just someone who doesn't drink.
I think that the difference in mindset between viewing oneself as a "recovering alcoholic" and a "teetotaler" is important. Being a teetotaler is in my mind a positive thing, something people need to know about me. The term recovering alcoholic, on the other hand, seems to describe a somewhat passive, continuing state of affairs; a process rather than an event. A half empty glass (of lemonade) or unfinished business if you will.
I realize that not everyone sees the battle the same way as do I and we all have to deal with alcohol as we see best. This is simply my view.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by LaTraviata
Does anybody ever ask you why you're not drinking? If so, how do you respond? I respond with the truth and am curious how others respond.
I don`t feel a need to explain I am an alcoholic especially those I work with or know only casually.
On the other hand if someone I know from my drinking days wants to talk about when and why I stopped I will tell them the truth.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by tomsteve
Why do you want tem to notice?
Are you still hanging in wet places?
Are you still hanging in wet places?
I wouldn't say that I "hang" anywhere. I was never part of a drinking club. Most of the places I go, I go for a purpose such as work, networking, etc. I haven't changed places that I go or people I associate with. Being around alcohol doesn't trigger me. This is fortunate, because my workplace has a fully-stocked liquor cabinet for our enjoyment.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The problem seemed pretty common to me! Growing up, the whole family drank. In college everyone I knew drank. As an adult, I really only hung out with others who drank......The entire world could have been sober or drunk - would not have mattered to me as long as I got mine!
I do not get asked very much frankly because most of the people I hang out with know my story and don't drink. In sobriety I had to change not only my own drinking habits but I changed the people I was around.
I suppose I have a couple layers of answers to this question. I do not shout from the highest mountain top "I am a sober alcoholic" every time someone asks me if I drink or want a drink.
So kind of this......
Fly, would you like a drink?
A - No thanks, I have a diet coke.
B - Maybe later, thanks - I'm good.
C - Are you are out of your mind?> If I drink alcohol I hurt myself and potentially you! I cannot believe you asked me? Do you have any idea how many alcoholics there are in the world? Do you know that most never try to get help? I also quit smoking! Do you know how bad smoking is for people? Why statistics say.......
I am no longer the director of everyone or everything. That stopped last June. Today, I focus on taking care of me - I am certain this is my contribution to helping the world at large and removing the probability I will kill you with my car. I cannot be a sober evangelist - or I will be preaching to myself
Keep coming back!
I do not get asked very much frankly because most of the people I hang out with know my story and don't drink. In sobriety I had to change not only my own drinking habits but I changed the people I was around.
I suppose I have a couple layers of answers to this question. I do not shout from the highest mountain top "I am a sober alcoholic" every time someone asks me if I drink or want a drink.
So kind of this......
Fly, would you like a drink?
A - No thanks, I have a diet coke.
B - Maybe later, thanks - I'm good.
C - Are you are out of your mind?> If I drink alcohol I hurt myself and potentially you! I cannot believe you asked me? Do you have any idea how many alcoholics there are in the world? Do you know that most never try to get help? I also quit smoking! Do you know how bad smoking is for people? Why statistics say.......
I am no longer the director of everyone or everything. That stopped last June. Today, I focus on taking care of me - I am certain this is my contribution to helping the world at large and removing the probability I will kill you with my car. I cannot be a sober evangelist - or I will be preaching to myself
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
For me, I was judged horribly every time I told the truth about my issues. I know that addiction/alcoholism is now a diagnosed mental health issue and so I say that I have mental health issues so I don't drink or use mind altering substances. I talk about my mental health medications not working if I ingest any alcohol or mind altering substances. Bottom line-drinking etc. makes it so my meds don't work. I have finally found the right mixture of MH medications. I refuse to go backwards. I'm too old for that crap. The people that love me know about my alcoholism/addiction. I don't have to tell people who don't care about me. I know that I will be judged and today I have nothing to prove so I keep my mouth shut unless I need medical attention. I take a medication that makes prescription narcotics not work, and or dangerous in higher doses. No thanks. There are other options. I have to tell my doctors, but thanks to HIPPA, I'm protected.
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