View Poll Results: Do you drink exclusively or do you have drug problems as well?
Just alcohol
49
79.03%
Alcohol and other drugs
13
20.97%
Voters: 62. You may not vote on this poll
All The Shots
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 76
All The Shots
All the shots I take...what difference does it make?
I don't think anyone will remember me, but here I am 5 years later posting again on this forum. I have been an alcoholic and marijuana addict for 11 years now. I went 5 months without any booze from November 2014 until today.
I definitely experienced a positive change in my life and would not have done it any other way given the choice to change anything. But today I made the decision to buy a 6 pack and get drunk for the first time in almost half a year. That was the longest I had been sober in 5 years, reaching back to a pattern of daily drinking from mid 2009 to late 2014.
I feel like my brain and soul have been predisposed to wanting intoxicants. I don't wholly hate or love them as my entire worldview is to be open minded about everything and to not adopt absolutes. I am also very anti-religion. Despite this I went COLD TURKEY booze free for 5 months. Through this time I still smoked pot daily, as this is my secondary addiction.
I'm just not sure where I stand in all this. My main struggle in life is fighting my nihilistic/hedonistic urges and worldview and trying to find a deeper meaning. I was a hardcore atheist for some time but now I am leaning towards a Buddhist belief system. Overall I still cannot stand organized religion and don't understand why anyone else would waste their time trying to manipulate another person's life. This is the general vibe I get from religious people, but I do realize not everyone is the same and I do not mean to paint everyone with the same brush.
That being said, I'm just not sure what to think about this world anymore. I've had a deep seated fear of death and the death of my love ones for a long time, but recently it has come to a head and become a looming doom over my head. My parents are in their mid 60s and 70s respectively and nothing is for certain. I fear my own death and the thought of living a life of suffering and hardship. As things stand right now I am in a fairly good situation financially. But I can't stand the thought of my parents dying, as I would feel completely lost. As a fully grown adult I'm still dependent on them in more ways than one. I don't know what to do with my life and I just want to feel in control. I haven't felt that solidly for many years.
I don't think anyone will remember me, but here I am 5 years later posting again on this forum. I have been an alcoholic and marijuana addict for 11 years now. I went 5 months without any booze from November 2014 until today.
I definitely experienced a positive change in my life and would not have done it any other way given the choice to change anything. But today I made the decision to buy a 6 pack and get drunk for the first time in almost half a year. That was the longest I had been sober in 5 years, reaching back to a pattern of daily drinking from mid 2009 to late 2014.
I feel like my brain and soul have been predisposed to wanting intoxicants. I don't wholly hate or love them as my entire worldview is to be open minded about everything and to not adopt absolutes. I am also very anti-religion. Despite this I went COLD TURKEY booze free for 5 months. Through this time I still smoked pot daily, as this is my secondary addiction.
I'm just not sure where I stand in all this. My main struggle in life is fighting my nihilistic/hedonistic urges and worldview and trying to find a deeper meaning. I was a hardcore atheist for some time but now I am leaning towards a Buddhist belief system. Overall I still cannot stand organized religion and don't understand why anyone else would waste their time trying to manipulate another person's life. This is the general vibe I get from religious people, but I do realize not everyone is the same and I do not mean to paint everyone with the same brush.
That being said, I'm just not sure what to think about this world anymore. I've had a deep seated fear of death and the death of my love ones for a long time, but recently it has come to a head and become a looming doom over my head. My parents are in their mid 60s and 70s respectively and nothing is for certain. I fear my own death and the thought of living a life of suffering and hardship. As things stand right now I am in a fairly good situation financially. But I can't stand the thought of my parents dying, as I would feel completely lost. As a fully grown adult I'm still dependent on them in more ways than one. I don't know what to do with my life and I just want to feel in control. I haven't felt that solidly for many years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
hey cobalt. i was raised as an evangelic christian in an extreme environment.... went from that, to a hardcore atheist. now i'm agnostic lost in a blurry world lined with a whole bunch of confusing indecisions and scared by the countless ideas and theories and my own personal experiences that i have no way of defining for myself or anyone else the sort of decisions about faith that i feel can only be answered once i've stopped breathing... and it's like, either that's it, and at that moment everything will stop, i'll drop into senseless black, or i'll understand everything all at once... yknow?
i clicked on alcohol + because i use coke as well, but right now i'm not struggling with the narcotic.... i enjoy it, and last year i was using heavily on top of the alcohol, spent 200 quid every weekend; i'm crap at maths, 52 weeks in a year yeah.... 200 every weekend, that's uhh... i don't think i'm working it out right because i just did some calculations that would mean the amount of money i've spent last year on coke is ******* absurd and i don't want to believe i spent that much money on a drug....
i clicked on alcohol + because i use coke as well, but right now i'm not struggling with the narcotic.... i enjoy it, and last year i was using heavily on top of the alcohol, spent 200 quid every weekend; i'm crap at maths, 52 weeks in a year yeah.... 200 every weekend, that's uhh... i don't think i'm working it out right because i just did some calculations that would mean the amount of money i've spent last year on coke is ******* absurd and i don't want to believe i spent that much money on a drug....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Cobalt - I remember you - welcome back
I felt that too. I'd drank or drugged for 30 years.
It took time for that to change - it took time for me to change.
Most of that first year was about the change for me - away from the predisposition that I'd imposed upon myself, back to something that I remembered as the real me who'd existed before that.
You need a clear head for that - and you need a complete break from the stuff that futzes up your brain chemistry. Even pot.
It needs a real investment of time and energy...but then again one year to fix 30 is a pretty good deal.
I'm here to tell you it can be done - if you want it, and you believe in it
D
I feel like my brain and soul have been predisposed to wanting intoxicants
It took time for that to change - it took time for me to change.
Most of that first year was about the change for me - away from the predisposition that I'd imposed upon myself, back to something that I remembered as the real me who'd existed before that.
You need a clear head for that - and you need a complete break from the stuff that futzes up your brain chemistry. Even pot.
It needs a real investment of time and energy...but then again one year to fix 30 is a pretty good deal.
I'm here to tell you it can be done - if you want it, and you believe in it
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Welcome back.
I understand your love for your parents.
My father died, very unexpectedly, at the start of last summer. It is every bit as hard as you might imagine.
Being able to deal with it sober, though, is a gift. If I had still been drinking when Dad died, I shudder to think what my life would look like now. It wouldn't be pretty.
Sobriety helps us endure painful times. You can achieve it again. I see you joined a long time ago, as you note, but haven't posted much. How 'bout staying close to SR for the support and wisdom you'll get here. It makes a huge difference.
I understand your love for your parents.
My father died, very unexpectedly, at the start of last summer. It is every bit as hard as you might imagine.
Being able to deal with it sober, though, is a gift. If I had still been drinking when Dad died, I shudder to think what my life would look like now. It wouldn't be pretty.
Sobriety helps us endure painful times. You can achieve it again. I see you joined a long time ago, as you note, but haven't posted much. How 'bout staying close to SR for the support and wisdom you'll get here. It makes a huge difference.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I almost did not respond to your thread because my first thought after reading your post was that you would automatically dismiss what I had to say. My thought was that you would pigeon hole me as one of those who wants to manipulate you. I'm going to respond anyway, just because you said that you were open minded. If you hear your mind slamming shut while reading, feel free to move on.
I can relate to being an atheist/agnostic, and to the search for meaning. I think it was part of the reason those alternate states of consciousness were so attractive.
It was not until someone asked me if I had ever really looked at any of the worlds religions that I had to honestly admit that I had not. Reflecting on that question, I realized that this had been something of an oversight on my part, so I studied them all (or most of them anyway) east and west. I found remarkable truths in nearly each one. I even had a mystical experience.
That same question has also lead me on a search for meaning that has involved an in depth study of such diverse things as theoretical physics and so called near death experiences. There is actually quite allot of meaning out there if you search for it, but I can pretty much guarantee that you won't find it if you keep getting drunk and high. Those behaviors will only partially and temporarily fill that void.
All the best on your search.
I can relate to being an atheist/agnostic, and to the search for meaning. I think it was part of the reason those alternate states of consciousness were so attractive.
It was not until someone asked me if I had ever really looked at any of the worlds religions that I had to honestly admit that I had not. Reflecting on that question, I realized that this had been something of an oversight on my part, so I studied them all (or most of them anyway) east and west. I found remarkable truths in nearly each one. I even had a mystical experience.
That same question has also lead me on a search for meaning that has involved an in depth study of such diverse things as theoretical physics and so called near death experiences. There is actually quite allot of meaning out there if you search for it, but I can pretty much guarantee that you won't find it if you keep getting drunk and high. Those behaviors will only partially and temporarily fill that void.
All the best on your search.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Cobalt,
The best thing I have ever heard, thought about and pretty much accepted is that it all means -- meaning -- is whatever we want it to mean. Like meaning isn't out there for us to find, if we could only find it. It is what we decide that it is. Helping little old ladies across the street, volunteering at the local animal shelter, getting one with a present moment, writing a poem, watching a sunset; whatever does it for us, as long as we aren't out to hurt anybody.
I have been off booze and tobacco and pot for about 4 years. That's the longest by far that I have even gone in my adult life. I don't know of anything about myself that I am prouder of than that. Will I ever go back? I went a few years before and then just picked up, out of the blue one day. Didn't even see it coming. So, yeah, I guess you could say I have a predisposition to it. But I really don't ever want to do it again, because I think it is a negative life choice. I don't want to see myself or the world through compromised eyes or an altered brain anymore. I don't want to do that to what is left of my body. I don't want to be an active addict. A user. A drunk. I want to leave that to others.
I see the world scene, but realize there is very little I can do about it, so I just hope that those running the thing know what they are doing. And if not, well, I still have this little world of mine to make better . . . or worse.
I have been around religiously. Adamantly one thing or another, then adamantly nothing. I don't like spending much time thinking about what is going on in some other dimension. I prefer to focus on what is going on here and now. I like some things about Buddhism, I really do, as long as it's not about what is going on in some unseen world and thinking something I do here is going to effect something over there. I think all of the other-worldly stuff is speculation at best. But in a way, by contrast, it helps me focus -- focus on this life -- something I can do something about . . . and I know I want to live this life and own this soul clean and sober.
The best thing I have ever heard, thought about and pretty much accepted is that it all means -- meaning -- is whatever we want it to mean. Like meaning isn't out there for us to find, if we could only find it. It is what we decide that it is. Helping little old ladies across the street, volunteering at the local animal shelter, getting one with a present moment, writing a poem, watching a sunset; whatever does it for us, as long as we aren't out to hurt anybody.
I have been off booze and tobacco and pot for about 4 years. That's the longest by far that I have even gone in my adult life. I don't know of anything about myself that I am prouder of than that. Will I ever go back? I went a few years before and then just picked up, out of the blue one day. Didn't even see it coming. So, yeah, I guess you could say I have a predisposition to it. But I really don't ever want to do it again, because I think it is a negative life choice. I don't want to see myself or the world through compromised eyes or an altered brain anymore. I don't want to do that to what is left of my body. I don't want to be an active addict. A user. A drunk. I want to leave that to others.
I see the world scene, but realize there is very little I can do about it, so I just hope that those running the thing know what they are doing. And if not, well, I still have this little world of mine to make better . . . or worse.
I have been around religiously. Adamantly one thing or another, then adamantly nothing. I don't like spending much time thinking about what is going on in some other dimension. I prefer to focus on what is going on here and now. I like some things about Buddhism, I really do, as long as it's not about what is going on in some unseen world and thinking something I do here is going to effect something over there. I think all of the other-worldly stuff is speculation at best. But in a way, by contrast, it helps me focus -- focus on this life -- something I can do something about . . . and I know I want to live this life and own this soul clean and sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Western ny
Posts: 388
I answered 'Alcohol and other drugs' but all the drugs were generally consumed under the influence of alcohol.
Although alcohol was the main problem, I know I can't experiment with any drugs even weed because everything's a trigger.
I was skeptical at first of people who told me you must quit everything, but I've seen enough first hand examples of friends and family trying to recover to know that the best chance for success is complete and total sobriety from everything.
Although alcohol was the main problem, I know I can't experiment with any drugs even weed because everything's a trigger.
I was skeptical at first of people who told me you must quit everything, but I've seen enough first hand examples of friends and family trying to recover to know that the best chance for success is complete and total sobriety from everything.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"Do you drink exclusively or do you have drug problems as well?"
Since the poll question is in present tense, and there is no 'neither' option, I didn't check a box in the poll; however, when I was using, I was using it all.
(o:
NoelleR
Since the poll question is in present tense, and there is no 'neither' option, I didn't check a box in the poll; however, when I was using, I was using it all.
(o:
NoelleR
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
I voted "Just Alcohol" because their weren't as many drug choices where and when I grew up.
I would bet that if you posted this in the "Substance" or "NA" forums, the results would be completely different.
I would bet that if you posted this in the "Substance" or "NA" forums, the results would be completely different.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
It seems that this thread has a few different leads and since I'm in a ramblin' mood, I'll throw in my two cents.
Def the fit into the alcohol and drugs category. Like others booze was my primary destructive substance, but I had quite a nasty weed habit for a good 7 or 8 years as well. I had to give that up once I moved to Asia as it just wasn't around much. Still missed the heck out of it for a long time, but just doubled my liquor intake to compensate. Also dabbled in E the few times I was able to get my hands on it.
Truth be told, I abused any substance OR behaviour that was able to whack my dopamine hive. I found something that worked I would bludgeon that part of my brain like a bloody pinanta. Heck, I would probably still mainline expresso now, if I had half a chance.
As for religions, I'm atheist, and strongly believe in, I guess a scientific approach to recovery, whatever that means. But I'll tell you this much. In recovery, and specifically on this site, I've seen firsthand how much strength some people have taken from religion. It's helped people who were desperately sick get better, and for that reason, it's gained my utmost respect.
Def the fit into the alcohol and drugs category. Like others booze was my primary destructive substance, but I had quite a nasty weed habit for a good 7 or 8 years as well. I had to give that up once I moved to Asia as it just wasn't around much. Still missed the heck out of it for a long time, but just doubled my liquor intake to compensate. Also dabbled in E the few times I was able to get my hands on it.
Truth be told, I abused any substance OR behaviour that was able to whack my dopamine hive. I found something that worked I would bludgeon that part of my brain like a bloody pinanta. Heck, I would probably still mainline expresso now, if I had half a chance.
As for religions, I'm atheist, and strongly believe in, I guess a scientific approach to recovery, whatever that means. But I'll tell you this much. In recovery, and specifically on this site, I've seen firsthand how much strength some people have taken from religion. It's helped people who were desperately sick get better, and for that reason, it's gained my utmost respect.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Fascinating result. More vote please:)
A very interesting trend developing here. I voted alcohol only, but you often hear there a not so many pure alcoholics around these days. I had expected he result would be the reverse of what it is.
I hope we get some more responses.
I hope we get some more responses.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
I'm a non-theist/Buddhist and don't drink. I also don't smoke weed anymore but did try it a few times in the last year. I'm nearly done with vaping as I've tapered for 9 months to almost 0 and April 1st is the day for that but otherwise have been smoke-free. This site has been integral to my progressive self-care ascension. Buddhism teaches that all grasping is monkey-like and fruitless (not to mention temporary). Maybe it's time for something timeless? Don't just do something, sit there!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I wasn't going to vote. But since I read some responses I needed to find out. I'm of the majority here. alcohol only kinda guy.
The reason I responded was to offer a suggestion to Cobalt.
I don't know where you are. But if you are in the USA, take time off from work - like 6 months. Hike the Pacific Coast Trail or The Appalachian Trail. Take a notebook and a bunch of pencils along. Go find yourself. Go on a 'walkabout' ...
The reason I responded was to offer a suggestion to Cobalt.
I don't know where you are. But if you are in the USA, take time off from work - like 6 months. Hike the Pacific Coast Trail or The Appalachian Trail. Take a notebook and a bunch of pencils along. Go find yourself. Go on a 'walkabout' ...
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by Cobalt 
My main struggle in life is fighting my nihilistic/hedonistic urges and worldview and trying to find a deeper meaning.
Gotta plug the hole first brother. Then you will have the rest of your healthy life to discover your true self and/or become the self you want.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Beer and pot for me. It wasnt one or the other, it was both. I could drink a beer or two and not be a drunk. I could smoke a bowl with a friend and not be a pot heaed....
What I couldn't do was think either of these activities could be done by myself, because then I just did them without a care in the world about anything else. I then realized I just coudn't catch a buzz at all. After some time I realized, why do I want to be buzzed? Easy way out of living? I don't know and don't care why now. Getting ****** up isn't how I want to live now is all I can say.
My point... If a buzz has any kind of rule over your life, you are in trouble. The longer one ignores that fact, the more of their life they waste.
What I couldn't do was think either of these activities could be done by myself, because then I just did them without a care in the world about anything else. I then realized I just coudn't catch a buzz at all. After some time I realized, why do I want to be buzzed? Easy way out of living? I don't know and don't care why now. Getting ****** up isn't how I want to live now is all I can say.
My point... If a buzz has any kind of rule over your life, you are in trouble. The longer one ignores that fact, the more of their life they waste.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: harrisburg pa
Posts: 9
Mostly booze for me. although i would snort the very occasional line if offered (happened rarely) or take a hit off a joint if i was feeling froggy. Honestly, i don't like weed but i really don't see anything wrong with smoking weed; seems everyone is jumping on the legalize it bandwagon these days. and it does have its medicinal uses from all the research i've read recently. Guess I'll probably catch all kinds of flak for saying that in this forum, but i'll take my chances. Anyway, being a Christian I felt like a real hypocrit for being such a lush but prayed to God constantly to take it out of my life. I finally asked for his mercy on me...i was so so sick and tired of it all. Funny thing happened. I woke up the next day and felt empowered to do just that. And my husband did too. Its times like that I know for sure God hears and answers prayers. One more time in a long list of blessings I've known and experienced in my life. It never ceases to amaze me. When at our worst and most desperate is when God hears you clearly...it ensures we need Him and only Him. And thats fine by me becasue I only manage to make a mess of my life when i take the wheel.
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