inthekeyofg

I'm trying to be mindful. Im trying to watch my thoughts so that something doesn't appear and trigger a (potentially uncontrollable) urge to drink.

Woke up, headed straight for the gym. I knew I needed a good sweat to help cleanse body and mind. Took a break to have some water and thought to myself "wow, dad was such a jerk." Out of nowhere, really. I was watching some lighthearted show on Netflix while biking, just having a little laugh to help pass the time while I sweat it out. But this almost became a landslide of emotionally heavy, triggering thoughts.

Why did I think that? What is lingering?

How do I let it go? How did you let go of that which caused pain, caused you to seek solace in a bottle?

You don't need to share details or dredge up the past... I'm just curious as to how you put a definitive end to those memories, how you learned to live with them, cope.

Thank you, dear friends!

SDH73

Good question! I've been having a lot of visits from old memories lately, myself. Mostly shameful stuff I've done, sober or not. So far I've just been letting them come (not trying to shut them out) and then letting them go.

I'm not perfect, I've never been perfect, and I never will be perfect. But I CAN be better than I was.

doggonecarl

I don't think you can end the memories, at least I couldn't. But you can stop letting them wound you. Don't dwell on them. When you find you are brooding about the past, about something you can't change, force yourself to move on. Move your thoughts to recovery and staying sober, for that is the best way to let go of the mistakes of the past...ensure you don't repeat them.

biminiblue

inthekeyofg, read this!! It's pretty awesome. Long but worth it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

zjw

yeah isnt it something. for me those sorts of thoughts would rob me of my thunder but as i started to be able to gather myself i could shorten the time span that they robbed me. months turned to weeks weeks to days days to hours now more often then not just passing minutes.

I got tired of them making me feel crappy. I've had people tell me and i'e read it in places simply "STOP" just stop stop thinking it stop giving the thoughts any attention of validation. all they are are thoughts. Since we have our attachments its natural for us to try and peg an emotion to these said thoughts. This emotion then has a physical affect on us. etc.. how long we decide to stay there in that inflicted postion is any bodies guess.

these thoughts come and go they are transient the emotions they bring also transient. Dont dwell on them dont allow them to drag you around by the nose and have power of your mood and well being etc.. your essentially reliving something thats done and over with and ruining this present moment. why? what purpose does it serve? its stupid! but yeah i still get sucked in from time to time too but with practice it gets easier.

You could read the power of now by eckhart tolle he has some good advice on this sorta stuff

Berrybean

The 12-step AA program is really helping me work through old pain, fears and resentments. BIG time.

SoberAlky

Hello In, yeah, triggers are such a subtle, insidious thing, aren't they? My triggers usually revolve around stressful situations and/or panic attacks. My final bender started after a day of kayaking. That had been my hobby for 5 years at the time, and I was pretty good at securing them to the roof of my car. Except this one time, when I nearly lost one on a busy expressway. I was able to pull over safely, get it re-secured, and that should have been the end of it. But for some inexplicable reason, I felt like I HAD to drink since that had always been my way of dealing with stressful situations. My intensive outpatient therapist always used to joke about "how cars have a mind of their own." Of course it's not the car, it's the AV, but I've found throughout my alcoholism the AV more often subtly whispers as opposed to loudly shouts.

P. S. are you a musician? I am a professional orchestral/opera musician.

inthekeyofg

Hi SA
Yes, and I'm still trying to figure out how. It's like a thought occurs, clouds the mind, and then you find yourself buying that case of beer or bottle of whatever. I just want to become more mindful, more aware... so that I recognize it, sense the onset and can sort of coach myself through it. Rather than it, as mentioned, playing Jedi mind tricks on me.
Yes, I am a classical/jazz guitarist. Best thing I ever did so many years ago: pick up a guitar. Worst thing I ever did so many years ago: pick up a bottle!