jacee

Weaning down didn't work. Matter of fact, it made things worse. I blew it so bad that I am almost embarrassed to share this.
I bought more. When I thought that I could wean down to avoid withdrawals my stupid *** bought more.
I went from 10 drinks a night and dropped down to eight. When I did that I thought that I was doing alright. Small feeling inside that it isn't going to work. So on a whim yesterday, to avoid having to go to the store 20 miles away again the next day... I bought twice what I would normally buy before I decided to cut down. I thought for sure that I would be able to not drink EVERY ONE of them.
Double whammy.
Weaning isn't for me. Back to square one.
Square one means for me absolutely no confidence in this quitting game.
I originally started this because of health issues that may or may not be related to my drinking and a doctor appointment coming up (now, in a week). I am really mad at myself and finding myself mad at the ones in my life that haven't stepped in to help when for the past month I have been all but screaming for help. I know that this is on me. But I am in the mood to play the blame game tonight
I say all of that to say this... If you do not have someone that can issue out a drink in the form of medicine and you are on your own to wean down. Then it probably is a BAD idea. You are going to go after what you want and then some.
This sucks.

Dee74

Most of us found that tapering wasn't achievable jacee.

I'm glad you're back

As for help -maybe you need to ask your family straight out for help, or maybe it's best to go to places that you know help alcoholics and ask there - your Dr, the ER, AA or some other group?

D

Treerat66

Hi jacee, don't be hard on yourself. You have learned a big lesson. As Sun Tzu said 'know your enemy and you will know yourself.'

SunnyMe

It does suck, but you learned something. That's valuable information that can help you from making the same mistake again.

Have you tried AA or something similar for help?

anattaboy

Stop flogging yourself. Alcoholism loves that crap and opens the door for more oblivion. I knew I could make it if I could get 24hrs. Maybe you could make a similar rule for yourself? or 48 or 72? Standard detox in the US is 3 days now. Find a place, do it on a weekend and don't look back. Everyone here quit in some personalized form--and you will too. Your AV (or dis-ease if you prefer) wants to keep you--what do YOU want?

RDBplus3

jacee, Have you read the AA Big Book?

The author(s) describe everything you talked about, which is what they discovered about themselves, and more importantly it describes in explicit detail the SOLUTION that worked for them so AMAZINGLY, they were compelled to write it down in a book.

I struggled for a long time trying to 'fix myself', and working the program that is described in the AA book finally set me FREE.

RDBplus3...Happy, Sober, and FREE.....and I KNOW You can be

BernieE

What are you going to do in the week before your appt? You could be detoxed and have a week down, or you could present yourself with a lot of booze in your system. I'm voting for detoxed and ready to do whatever it takes to get healthy.

KAD

Weaning worked for me once. I celebrated with an extra drink. It never worked again. It can work but it takes a kind of self-discipline I just do not possess when it comes to alcohol. A lot of people have found they don't have it either. Don't dwell on it. You've learned one of your limitations. Now find something that does work.

sg1970

Don't beat yourself up too bad. I think we all have to learn these lessons for ourselves.

To me trying to limit intake might be worse than the actual quitting was. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy. LOL

Soberwolf

Glad your back

thisisme

It's a difficult lesson to learn. I hope it strengthens your resolve to abstain.

Fall 7 times, get up 8 times.

Nonsensical

It's not a game, it's your life. You can live it or drink it away. I was on the fence about it for a long time, but I finally chose to live my life sober. No regrets.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

JeffreyAK

Yes.

At some point people around us throw up their hands and back off, because they don't want to watch us implode or because they think we need to "hit bottom" and sink lower before we can come back. This upset me when I was struggling, but after some sober time it made perfect sense.

Tapering never worked for me either. If I could have controlled my drinking, I would never have become an addict in the first place. It's truly easier to just stop cold and deal with whatever withdrawal symptoms you have.

skg

Congratulations. You can't drink like others... Welcome to the club! Er, clubhouse...

In my experience, it took a very sound and repetitive ass pounding to be brought to a point of utter powerlessness over alcohol. Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. I began to listen like the dying only can, and I heard a few things like, "This is an honest program. I need to rigorously honest that I need help," and stuff like "You never have to drink again if you lean on us. Let us love you until you can love yourself," and "keep coming back."

I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I allowed them to do that for a while--and for a time they, the people in the rooms, were the power greater than myself.

What will you do different this time to save you?

NYCDoglvr

You didn't blow it, you were doing research and it seems that you accept that an alcoholic can't moderate or cut down. I haven't had a drink in over 23 years but if I picked up one now I wouldn't be able to stop. It's this reason I call myself an alcoholic. Some people can stop drinking on their own but I wasn't one of them. AA saved my life; ps., I'm still an agnostic, lol. I recommend it. A big hug!

jacee

Thank you all for the comments and guidance. I know I need it right now. I am considering coming clean to my doctor and hope that I don't regret it. I have also decided that AA might be something that I need to force myself to go through. I am not a very social person. So, me showing up at a meeting of any kind is going to be an amazing accomplishment in its self.
I am tired of spending part of my afternoon going after the beer, my night being spent consuming, the next morning feeling the regret and thinking that I should quit and the rest of the day feeling halfway normal, but thinking about when I am going to buy beer. A lot of these comments hit close to home for me. I will reread them over and over.
I need help. I know that this is getting worse.

Hawks

No one in AA was a very social person.

That's why we all drank.

Confidence in a liquid form.

Your just another shy, socially awkward alcoholic.

Everyone in the room had to go to their first meeting at some point.

That's the biggest part of AA for new comers.

Learning to be around people and get out of our shells without having to drink to accomplish it.

Get along, it'll do you good.

skg

The rooms are full of anti-socials and non-social people. That's why we DRANK! To fill that hole-in-the-middle of us that we thought made us less than--that fear that we were somehow less than. Alcohol quelled the Misfit and brought out a Dynamo. And Calamity. And the four horsemen: Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair.

If you'll just sit and listen like the dying only can, you'll begin to hear Hope and Love in those meetings, and that's a promise. There is a better way and it'll fill that God-Shaped hole inside. If you give it a try, you don't ever have to drink again--and if you don't like it, your misery will be fully refunded.

AliWProk

This is probably the most simple and poignant statement I've seen on this forum. Bravo.