Berrybean

That's a whole load of stuff you have to deal with and try to overcome. You say that alcohol eases the pain for a while, and I think most people on here remember feeling that way, or still do.

I liken the booze to a dirty big bandage that I put over some big festering emotional injuries for years and years. It meant I didn't have to look at that big painful old wound and could ignore it for a while. Getting sober, those first few months, was like tearing an elastoplast off, and it was really horrible to look at the festering mess that was beneath it all. With the help of a councillor and AA I've managed to find the strength to look at those wounds properly, accept them for what they are, and make the choice to clean them up and let the air get to them so that I can move on to a new life.

It was lonely for a while, but I'm finding that as I lose my anger and self-pity, I smile more, can take an interest in other people, focus on gratitude for things in my new peaceful and calm sober life, and am starting to make new friends.

If someone had told me the changes I would experience in that first year I would have struggled to believe them.

You'll be in my prayers. Hoping you can find the courage to tear off that elastoplast.

xx

The Twelve Promises as they appear in the Big Book

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

doggonecarl

Sometimes its harder to let go of the despair than it is to let go of the drink.

Prayers out to you.

totfit

Glad you are here. Once you stop drinking and can take an honest look back, I think you will find that some of the reasons you drank could be because you drank. That is the way it works. We have issues, we drink, we have more issues because of drinking, we drink over those issues, and drink getting even more............... We see problems as the "reason" we drink, because we have to make sense of it. Drinking IS the problem. Nothing will improve without stopping. Stopping will not make things improve. It will though give you an opportunity to do things so that things will improve.

JensDestiny

I have to completely agree with totfit; I also feel that you will find that you drank because you drank and drinking IS the problem. It took me a lot of years to discover that myself and I hate to see anyone stuck in the bottomless rut.

Prays for your recovery and hope that today is a brighter day for you!

Jen73

We all drink because things in our life is complicated and its really easy to drink to take off the tension. But have you ask yourself is it worth it?

Drinking isn't going to help you cope with everything, its just a temporary solution and if you don't stop drinking when you need to actually come front with those problems its going to even get harder to cope with them.

My daughter goes to Ala-Teen once a week and she goes to Counseling once a week and it seems to help her out, she is always going to have those teen moodiness but if the other stuff working I can deal with the teen hormones.

I know its hard when you feel lonely, I been there and its real hard but I need to take care of what is best for me, that is to stop drinking period.

AA meetings help me get things off my chest, and it makes me understand that drinking isn't the solution to life, its just going to kill me faster in the long run. Then my Kids will not have their mother to be with or do things with. It might take some of the loneliness away and give you a better strong outlook on things.

Good luck, just keep coming in here too, it really helps to get things off your chest and be busy to take things off your mind.

zjw

I drank because I'm an alcoholic.

I could put together a long list of other reasons but really it comes down to that one reason.

In my case I sobered up life went on problems still happened stuff still sucks at times. I had to figure out how to push through it and cheer up.

I'm better off dealing with the troubes of life sober. I still wanna throw in the towel at times but I wont drink however. Even if i give up on whatever challenge and say ENOUGH this is bigger then me i cant do it and i let go I still wont drink i'm still better off.

I get where your coming from. I felt it was a hopeless cause myself. and at least if i drank i could numb the pain. Till that no longer really worked.

My life didnt exactly become peaches and sunshine when i got sober but my perspective started to change.

It seems like in life we have to walk this fine line and on one side is making good choices and having a good attidue etc.. and on the other side is being in the gutter and screwing up. I'll be honest its pretty friggen hard to stay on either side of that line.

I mean seriously my life was pretty tough when i drank. and my life is pretty tough now that i make better choies and dont drink. Its hard and it stinks. But ultimately in my case i feel better.

Maybe you can't fix all the problems in your past but perhaps you can increase your odds of a better future if you quit drinking.

You like crossfit? I'd imagine thats something you could excell at a lot better if you didnt drink at all. Its a start anyhow.

Boater62

No person should have to experience what you did yellodog. I can only speak for myself, but looking back alcohol only "solved" problems by making me not think about them, put them off, not deal with them, or forget them because I was a zombie. The messes just piled up.

Why not quit? How is quitting going to make your situation worse? Why not take the chance that if you get sober, your life will improve and you will better cope with your problems. Take alcohol out of the equation and see what happens.

yellowdog19

You all are right, i have decided to quit for now. Or at least make an effort, Im not 25 anymore and the hangovers suck. So maybe at least for the physical benefits. Jen73 being alone is THE WORST. I have had 5 kids and left home to marry my first husband at a young age. I have never been truly alone. I have always had children at the very least to come home to. This sounds silly, sometimes I leave the tv on so I don't come home to silence. I even had to give up my dog when I moved to the apartment. My daughter bought me a fish. lol... Thank you all.... I was afraid to come back here for what you all might have said but, Im now glad i did.

LionOfJudah

I think some people drink for many reasons... and life does suck sometimes... but we must have a clear head when dealing with our problems. Alcohol only makes it worse. I was molested as a kid... over and over again, taken advantage of. My father shot himself and framed my mother for attempted murder. I have dissociative identity disorder or complex PTSD. you don't know how many times I go back and forth to the bottle for comfort and relief. My problems are still there though. I've had some pretty awful things happen to me... and this is not meant to say "look at me..I have more problems than you..." everyone has a different set of problems to deal with. And if you seem to have more problems than others... think about it... they are here to make you stronger. life lessons... it is here to help you grow. good luck in your recovery.

Berrybean

Hi Yellowdog. Glad you're back and feeling a bit more hopeful.
I know what you mean about the TV being left on so you don't have to walk into an empty house - I do the same whenever my partner goes away.
Not sure that a fish is as good company as a dog, but it might be a distraction of sorts.

Anyway - good luck with your quit. xx

Fly N Buy

If only conditions were different and others would do what I wanted I wouldn't drink - or so I thought.

I drank because I was a drunk and liked to be drunk. No one could stop me - I drank because I was self centered and only cared about myself.

One day, for whatever reason I woke up.........today I have strung together 268 days. I thought I was a victim, but really I was a volunteer.

Keep coming back, glad you're here~!