Have you changed???
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Thanks for the post, glad you're here!
I think that the person we were long ago and the person our spouse was long ago are both very different people, and to a degree no longer exist.
Life experiences - specifically for me, death - changed me forever. I suppose a sense of realization and sadness takes root. That is not to say that like isn't good, but different.
Age and natural chemistry changes us as well. I guess just the cumulative life experiences make us different combined with alcoholism.
In terms of working a program, I can only speak thru the lens of AA. There is one purpose in the program of AA - to cure the spiritual malady which is remover by working the "program " of Alcoholics Anonymous or the 12 steps.
If one does indeed have a spiritual awakening they do become different, indeed. Our focus on what is important changes towards others away from ourselves.
Some members seem to stop the program when they gain some sobriety and never achieve the AA promises ( look those up if you'd like to - this is how one changes in their perspective of life).
In answering your direct question - I think the person who we were 30+ years ago can be a new and improved version. More caring, introspective and has a joy to live.
Kind Regards
I think that the person we were long ago and the person our spouse was long ago are both very different people, and to a degree no longer exist.
Life experiences - specifically for me, death - changed me forever. I suppose a sense of realization and sadness takes root. That is not to say that like isn't good, but different.
Age and natural chemistry changes us as well. I guess just the cumulative life experiences make us different combined with alcoholism.
In terms of working a program, I can only speak thru the lens of AA. There is one purpose in the program of AA - to cure the spiritual malady which is remover by working the "program " of Alcoholics Anonymous or the 12 steps.
If one does indeed have a spiritual awakening they do become different, indeed. Our focus on what is important changes towards others away from ourselves.
Some members seem to stop the program when they gain some sobriety and never achieve the AA promises ( look those up if you'd like to - this is how one changes in their perspective of life).
In answering your direct question - I think the person who we were 30+ years ago can be a new and improved version. More caring, introspective and has a joy to live.
Kind Regards
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I dunno if I'll ever be that 20yr old enjoying that pint of beer, carefree and without a worry or thought that alcohol was an issue in my life, in fact I'm pretty sure I won't, I'm too far down the rabbit hole that drinking is now completely off the table for good!!
As for the person I was, I'm starting to regain who he was, starting to be at peace with who that person was, not drink away and escape from it but reach an acceptance, learn to love that guy again!!
Sober me though is much more than I was 10 years ago, I have a freedom, I am not on the downward spiral of destruction, the progression of alcoholism, I am free and can mould my life into what I now so choose!!
Life is a journey, we progress, we regress, we learn and we keep pushing forward, hopefully in many years to come I will look back and realise that the 20yr old alcoholic I was made me who I am, and the recovering 30yr old who I am now also played a key part in who I am to become!!
As for the person I was, I'm starting to regain who he was, starting to be at peace with who that person was, not drink away and escape from it but reach an acceptance, learn to love that guy again!!
Sober me though is much more than I was 10 years ago, I have a freedom, I am not on the downward spiral of destruction, the progression of alcoholism, I am free and can mould my life into what I now so choose!!
Life is a journey, we progress, we regress, we learn and we keep pushing forward, hopefully in many years to come I will look back and realise that the 20yr old alcoholic I was made me who I am, and the recovering 30yr old who I am now also played a key part in who I am to become!!
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by maia1234 
I was wondering after you being sober and working a program a while, do you think you have become the person that you "were".
Bad news - I failed repeatedly at doing that.
Good news - I became the person that I was meant to be. Not needing any outside "stuff" to experience POMJSOP (Peace Of Mind, Joy , Sense Of Purpose).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Thanks everyone for your perspective. I really do think there is hope that my X might find the serenity that you have all found. There might be a chance to revisit the love that we started 34 years ago. Who knows what tomorrow will bring!!
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