luke13

Will not try to write a book..

The last two weeks have been very hard/terrible... Everytime, i have tried quitting i quit for a week or two and im back at it. Last week my girlfriend has gotten a restraining order because i drank too much and was stinkin thinking saying stupid stuff that im gonna kill her etc.. I didnt attend the hearing, im barred from contacting her for 12 months, i guess the judge was very lenient because usually the order is for 3 yrs, and also it doesnt go on criminal record

I have suffered from depression/anxiety since something happening to me since childhood. I was with her for 6 yrs, this relationship was very special, when i was a small boy i used to visit my grandmother on a bike, and i used to tease her outside while she was still wearing diapers.

I moved to another country, and we didnt have contact for 16 yrs. When i came back (its seems like a love story) we started dating. Many vacations, doing stuff together.... She has been more then patient with me, taken me numerous times to hospital when having withdrawal symptoms, doing chores, going to a store to buy food whenever i felt sick, visiting me in hospital, offering/going with me to AA, offering to go to church, going with me to a psychologist appoint etc etc i can go on on...

I have done terrible things and mistreated her in the worst way i could. While being an alcoholic i have also helped her alot with college, life etc but this is not a game of trading you did this, so i did this.

We still talk a bit online, because we have to arrange cancellation bank accounts/tv etc, in a polite way.

I know there is nothing i can do for now.. I was thinking of maybe writing her a email thanking her for what she did, and how patient and kind she has been to me. I never thanked her for anything she did i dont know why, but i always knew she wanted the best for me.. I know she must be grieving a bit also...Sorry for the long rambling but i wasnt sure what to do anymore, it just hurts a lot and its all because of my fault

30yrdrunk

Wouldn't a restraining order preclude you from E- mailing her? I would refrain from contacting her and get sober. You should focus on nothing else but your sobriety and getting your house in order. You upset her to the point of getting a restraining order. You are not seeing things clearly wanting to contact her by e-mail.

After one year has passed and you are sober and stable you could reach out to her.

luke13

I should of been more clearer, it is not a restraining order, its called a barring order in EU its different it requires me to leave the family home, and "prohibits the person from further violence or threats of violence, and from watching or being near your home". I can have have contact with her through other means of communication phone,email, fax, letters etc

Soberintexas007

This is what alcoholism does. My AH has hurt me as well with saying very hurtful things when he has been drunk. He has since cut down his drinking significantly knowing that I will leave him if he does that again. It seems that he is an alcoholic who needs to drink at times but can limit his intake, unlike me.

I hope you do well in your sobriety, but I feel for you girlfriend, and I think I may be in her position with my AH as well. Even though it may be nice to thank her, it will not ease the pain she is feeling at the time.

Sasha4

You need to stay away from her.
Emails count as contact.
You must have really scared and upset her for her to get a restraining order.

You need to work on yourself and get some lengthy sobriety time under your belt and stay away from her.

She deserves a relationship with someone that is not tainted by alcohol and fear and being threatened. She sounds like she is making progress in her life by studying. Don't stand in the way of this.

Dee74

I would not contact her again, not now. You don't want to be called out for harassment.
I also suspect it may make you feel better but may make her feel worse.

Focus on yourself and your recovery.

D

MelindaFlowers

You don't need to thank her. I would just leave her alone and focus on starting a new healthy life.

Bailey3

The best way to thank her would be to leave her alone, get sober and, start the recovery process.

Vandermast

Leave it cos yr biggest challenge you will find my friend is in the mirror

Speaking from compassion and experience

V

zjw

I think you gotta worry about sobering up first and foremost. But it sounds tragic whatever you said you must have really spooked this poor girl for her to take it the courts? At the same time what you describe as you want to write in a letter I think is fine but don't do it with any intention of getting a good response from it. I think if you want to write a letter its probably a good thing apologize make amends it sounds like she was really great to you and supportive. She deserves an apology and a thanks for her support etc.. and probably then some. But I'd also be care what you say and how you say it etc...

maybe in time once your sober you guys can work this out and I'd hope a letter like that would let her know that your still a decent person just an alcoholic getting there life back in order is all.

LemonGirl

Sorry, but if my I had an ex who scared me enough to get legal help to keep him away from me and he wrote me a "thank you" note, I wouldn't see it as gratitude. It would just be like, "really? you did all that and you want to thank me? how about apologize and work your program?"

So sorry to be so harsh about that, but really, if you want to thank her, then take all the effort she put into you and utilize it! Now it is your turn to put the effort into you and actually make progress. That action alone will speak volumes for how you value what she went through and what she thought she was doing for you....

It's such a shame how alcohol breaks up these beautiful love stories...

PurpleKnight

The priority right now Luke is Sobriety, parting ways with alcohol and turning a new corner, alcohol is doing you no favours in your life!!

Work on that and everything else will take care of itself!! You can do this!!

Soberwolf

What D said

Carlotta

I wish there was an Xtra thanks button. Exactly what Dee said.
The woman was scared enough of you to get the legal system involved.
She is probably still sick with anxiety etc.
Leave her alone so she has a chance to heal.
Focus on your sobriety. You cannot change the past but you have a shot at making a better future for yourself.

luke13

Thank you all for all your advice.. Strangely she contacted me today through social media, letting me know how she is doing in college , and asking how i am feeling (is there a confused button here?!)

zjw

no despite all that's gone on she apparently still gives a s*** and so do you. The sooner you get yourself in order the sooner maybe just maybe you can get you two back in order.

but get sober for you.

huntingtontx

I hope you use this year to get your life in order. No one can do it for you, you have to do this for yourself. When you are sober for a year you may have something to offer, and then a note or letter would be a good idea. She is not going to believe it now. Good luck man, and I know you can do this.

FeelingGreat

luke, contact aside, the only way you can make amends and mend your life is to stop drinking. If you become aggressive when you drink, think of all the other people you've imposed on, but it's never been sorry enough to stop you next time?

You'll just be taking the p!ss on all your friends and family until you tackle your childhood trauma head-on, and stop drinking. PS I'm a non-drinking alcoholic, sober almost 3 years.

luke13

Allright so im going for a 4month treatment in rehab center. I went there once but i left after 3 weeks. I felt like a prisoner i could not understand why we were not allowed to read a newspaper, or have phones?! But there was a tv in lounge. In our free sunday day time i would like to know what is going on in the world?!?!

This will be very hard, because i wont have anyone visit me ex: my ex girlfriend..Why did i quit the program?! I was bored, maybe 3 weeks was not enough to feel the effects, or perhaps i was not truly ready

Some people said not to write a note to my ex explaining how bad i felt hurting her, not just her. But it will make me feel better getting rid of the lump in the throat if you know what i mean... I make it seem like 4 months is long, but its for my own good. How do people feel that have to be in prison for 4 yrs

Also, not seem like a playmate because in this center like guys sat with guys, and gals, with gals, and this great girl caught my eye and im sure i caught hers. I regret not knowing what would of happened later on if i stuck with the program.....At almost 33 yrs old i guess you never knows what will could/happen in life..... I hope and i would like some goals that people have critized me for not having self respect, how kind i can be when not drinking, good looking etc.. I guess it comes with low self esteem.. Im going there upcoming week im determined

The worst, and painfull thing is im looking at the bags im packed in, and its the same for beautiful vacations, and when she tried to help me through

Dee74

I hope the rehab will help Luke. Try and focus on what you're there for.

D