Old 02-06-2015, 06:42 AM
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I am an alcoholic. I am just now getting sober (day 1...again) and I wanted to know everyone's opinion on being in a new relationship while I am going through this. She is very supportive and we have been dating for a little over a month. I have been battling alcoholism for a bit now and I have relapsed at least 3 times since we have been together. I just feel like a bad person and that I am setting a bad example for what our relationship could be like. I want her to feel like I am strong in my convictions, not just someone who says one thing and does another. Anyway, I am just feeling like she could do better and I am not sure if I should just end it or what to really do. I like her so much and she is a good person. She's def. a good motivator for me, but I don't want her to feel let down or be with someone who can't get themselves together. Please help.
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Old 02-06-2015, 07:13 AM
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It's generally recommended that you do not try to juggle a new relationship in the beginning of sobriety.. I think the approx rule of thumb is have at least 1 year of uninterrupted sobriety under your belt. But everyone is different and ultimately only you can make the call.

I myself have around 3 months sober and I know I could not handle the ups and downs of a romantic relationship right now. I'm trying to keep things as simple as possible while I learn how to navigate this new sober life and I've realized that I need to get to know real 'me' now that I'm not drowning her in alcohol constantly so to speak. I'm having to learn new coping mechanisms for anything stress related after depending on alcohol for all that.
Some call it building your sober muscles.

Best of luck
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Old 02-06-2015, 07:54 AM
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Tough, very tough. I am married and was married when I got sober. Keeping my family together was a big motivation in getting sober, at least in the beginning. I realized that as an active alcoholic I could never be in a relationship. I would never be able to make it work lying and manipulating my way through life but before I could even look at the relationships in my life I had to look at myself. Once I started to work on me and live my life the way I should, the relationships in my life got better.
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Old 02-06-2015, 08:56 AM
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Nice to meet you sundaysmiles
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Old 02-06-2015, 09:07 AM
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Hi sundaysmiles.

Lots of discussions on this here all the time. This recent thread, for example. My general view on the topic is what I said there.

I broke off a long-term relationship in early sobriety. And then started a new one at around 9 months sober, and just broke that off as well a week ago. I'm beginning to seriously wonder why I did/do these things, and I'm nowhere near done with the analysis yet, just truly starting in fact.

Maybe if you don't want to end the relationship, slow down a little. Discuss all this with your partner, and try to set reasonable boundaries together that might protect both of you from too much turmoil. You could get back into it more intensely at a later time when you feel more secure in your sobriety?
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:57 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Sundaysmiles!!
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Old 02-07-2015, 12:04 PM
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You can get it together. Don't do it for her, do it for you.

Try this. Don't pick up a drink today.

Tell yourself that every day.

It's just that simple. You don't need it.
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Old 02-07-2015, 03:06 PM
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Whatever you decide on the relationship, do it for you sundaysmiles.
You're worth the effort.

What are you doing for your recovery?

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