suicideseason

i was a bad person when i was a teen.

Dee74

like I said there's no competition from me about which of us has had the hardest life.

It's obvious you've suffered...I just offer the suggestion from my life that peace is possible - but you need to let go of the anger and resentment first.

Not sure why it matters, but I'm a male, Ss.

D

CelticZebra

I don't mean the DT's or physical withdrawal, more like the '**** in my head' feelings, emotions, thinking.
Actions or non-actions, deliberate non-action in drinking = sober, in my view (messed up as it is). I read your posts with interest and recognise myself before I changed my mindset to live with more peace in my life, without the problem of addiction to alcohol (and other addictive substances). I used to feel the want to prove myself to others, to stick my finger up, to say I'm badder, more ****** up, can handle more etc... Against everyone but most of all myself. Just another messed up human addicted to the pleasures of messing with my mind. I'm pleased to read you are 13 days clear of alcohol SS and wish you well in your continued choices.
I think Dee makes some very good points and, I believe we all have the power to change WITHIN

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

ImperfectlyMe

Whether you can see it or not yet, this is a very big part of the self pity vacuum you're stuck in. Getting well in any regard, be it addiction, illness what have you takes a letting go, a trusting in others and a give and take with all things outside your head. There's a much bigger picture just outside your window... It's called life.

We often create a caricature of who we are in our minds and run with that inauthentic facsimile. I too was very guilty of this and it kept me very stuck in my life. I decorated myself with badges of honor for all of my misfortunes and hardships. I had created my own world of emptiness. And in some sick way I enjoyed being the victim.

It wasn't until I woke up and realized that I was the artist painting exactly what my life looked like, by my own self identification.

It took a tragic event, the season your screen name states, hanging to be exact, of my father, for me to open my eyes. I stopped, looked around and realized I could continue to live as I was or choose my role I wanted to live. I changed my script, and you can too.

Do you really want it to be you against the world? Do you enjoy the isolation? Let people in! Be who you were meant to be. And stop identifying as your pain. You are not your greatest weakness, more your greatest strength.

As you said, "I (you) CHOOSE WHAT I (you)CHOOSE..."