sleepie

I have been a binger, since I was young. I recall the day I realized that overeating was something I could do as long as it was just once. I remember the thrill of eating to beyond satisfaction that day. I was only a sophomore in high school. But it was never once. I would eat until I was tired, way too full, then sleep. Afterwards I would exercise a lot to make up for it. It began a lifetime of struggling for moderation. I won't go into why, but definitely my mother caused this behavior. Later it was drinking. It was always, "It's ok to overdo it just this once"- until it became the norm.


I knew it wasn't right. I tie it it very closely with anxiety, which has always been a problem.

Dee74

I've always been obsessive - when I get into something I really get into it - but until I found alcohol and drugs I don't think my obsessions were harmful.

D

bigsombrero

I also always had anxiety growing up, and also engaged in compulsive behavior. When I found something fun I didn't want to stop. That included lots of good activities like exercise and sports (I played basketball, baseball, soccer and rugby in high school). When I grew older, a lot of my healthy obsessions disappeared and I became obsessed with alcohol. Even after my college years when many people had moved past binge drinking, I was still doing it. It also compounded other unhealthy obsessions, like gambling, relationships, etc.

Today being sober, I've begun to once again indulge again in healthier choices. You'll see a lot of recovering alcoholics who become great writers, carpenters, travelers, etc. The maturity you develop in sobriety will also help calm that nagging anxiety.

zjw

I do not recall being obsessive compulsive prior to drinking. I know my brother had that issue big time growing up but I don't recall having that issue myself. but all through my drinking years and now forget it I obsess about whatever it is I'm into. I do not know what moderation is its all or nothing. I struggle a lot with trying to moderate. for me as well moderation leads to more anxiety but oddly more obsessing also leads to more anxiety I dunno the answer. I obsess in more healthy ways now however diet and exercise etc.. but there still taken to probably unhealthy levels at time IE I still ran with foot pain all year and even upped my game till I finally was like gee perhaps I should back off let this heal up. I dunno how to tone it down etc..

Drinking was like this all the way or not at all. there is never an in between with me. I also have issues seeing gray areas in life everything is always black and white to me there is no color no shades of gray its either black or white plain and simple that can get me into trouble.

Mikie9

Dee - "I've always been obsessive - when I get into something I really get into it - but until I found alcohol and drugs I don't think my obsessions were harmful."

Bingo! I had to learn what was ok to get totally into, alcohol and weed wasn't it.

least

Yes.

Rina

I have struggled with OCD my entire life. I began to self medicate with food as a child as well.

Sotiredofitall

I ate compulsively. Craved sweets, carbs. Never seemed to fill the *void*. Drink was never my DOC, but did that too. Working on finding out what that void was. I tend to throw myself compulsively into everything I've ever done. Raised a few animals which became too many, collected fabric and sewed, gardened and yes that can become over-done too. Would paint rooms, rebuild stuff and try to become happily obsessed with whatever my new focus was for the week. I can't even remember all the stuff I've done.

Boylan

Well, I've always seemed to challenge the status quo. At work it is (in my mind) to move a very traditional organization forward. But sometimes, I must confess, it is just to stir things up a bit - like I know I'll lose from the get-go but just can't help myself. I don't do this all the time, just sometimes.

Sometimes I've had success with that but, sometimes not either. Overall, probably not a good strategy for moving up in a company, I'd say.

Spacegoat

Have to agree with Dee here, long as I can remember whenever I have found something that captivates me in the slightest I absolutely obsessed over it for a time, with it eventually normalizing and then I end up looking back on it as just 'a phase'.

Some positive examples would be reading as a kid, schoolwork(!), football, djing/turntableism/club culture, work targets, prank fone calls(!) rock music and more I'm sure. I obsessed over these things to the point of perfection almost, then eventually grew out of them and moved on to the next thing.

Last few years its been all on a negative spin, warping out online with a backdrop of drink & drugs,obsessed no less which is why Im here now.

Soberintexas007

I'm very obsessive compulsive, so I try and find healthy outlets for that personality trait other than drugs and alcohol. I am working on calming my inner anxiety and learning to just sit and live with it rather than try and avoid it.

Spacegoat

I forgot to mention 70's disco music! My last major 'positive' obsession

Hoping to make the guitar my next one, nowhere near the tipping point yet as I haven't been able to get motivated or put the time in yet, new buzz. That and keyboard would be good ones, an almost limitless learning curve.

Creating music would be an awesome obsession to be a part of

ubntubnt

yep me too, always been that way with or without drink. Regarding the booze, what does it matter? You are an alcoholic. Never drink again.

Bostonsportsfan

Yes

MIRecovery

I have always been of the opinion if one works good two will work better and four will work better yet.

it is insane thinking but that's how my brain works

MelindaFlowers

Exactly. Way back when I drank three or four drinks a night wasn't because I stopped at that amount. It was because three or four used to get me to my happy drunk place. There was never any purposeful moderation.

wheresthefun

I have one switch, it's either full on or full off, there's no in between, been like that my whole life, with everything I do. Good for me or bad for me, I'm doing it to excess, or I'm not doing it at all. One of the many down sides to that, even the things that are good for me, end up being bad, due to the excess. Like lifting weights, got in the greatest shape of my life 10 - 12 years ago, until I overdid and ripped up both of my rotator cuffs, both needing to be surgically repaired.

Jupiters

there's never a middle ground with me. I'm in with 2 feet and damn the consequences, I'll deal with them later.
(working on that)

sleepie

Having one switch and "One is good, more is better"... also common for me.

Aellyce

Ha! I wrote about it here a bit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5131571