boyfriend issues
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 48
boyfriend issues
Hey I'm sorry if there has already been touched on but I'm sitting here beside my sleeping boyfriend and I just need to get this out. I am 4 days sober after a relapse I have a wonderful boyfriend both him and I suffer from depression and anxiety the problem is he is always upset and depressed and I fell like I bend over backwards doing things to make him happy but he never is (I understand I can't make him happy). My problem is this is now bringing me down I don't want to end our relationship but sometimes I'm ready to pull my hair out. He says the only thing he wants is for quality time together (another thing I should point out he can't work due to his back and I don't have to work much so we are home a lot and always together) he says I spend too much time on the computer or my phone which I agree but change doesn't happen overnight. Even as typing this I know we need to get out of the house more and both find interest outside of each other but easier said than done. I have been a homebody for over 10 years and could stay in bed all day (even though it isn't healthy) I guess I just needed to vent and get some ideas on how to address him and not hurt his feelings and also stop feeling like I need to bend over backwards to make him happy. Thanks for listening and I hope everyone is doing great!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Maybe he will consider an antidepressant. Thing is, once you feel good enough after taking them, you have to put things in motion by seeing after your exercise diet and life. you can't just pop a pill. But it's definitely worth a try.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Hi Greeneyed,
Seems like you both are having difficulty becoming engaged in life, especially since you both battle depression and anxiety. My husband and I do a lot of movie and dinner nights together - we go eat dinner and then see a movie. Are either one of you interested in going to any recovery meetings?
Seems like you both are having difficulty becoming engaged in life, especially since you both battle depression and anxiety. My husband and I do a lot of movie and dinner nights together - we go eat dinner and then see a movie. Are either one of you interested in going to any recovery meetings?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
An alcoholic Codie.... Welcome!!!
I'd suggest first off to make sobriety yer number one priority.
And visit he friends and family forum to learn how to say NO and why it's important to say NO and put you first.
If how you address him hurts his feelings then he's allowing it and it's his problem. And by continueing to allow his behavior, continueing to try and rescue him, yer enabling him to stay sick.
To stop feeling like ya need to bend over backwards for him:
How's bending over backwards been workin for ya? Been helpin ya or hurtin ya?
The first thing I had to do was make a decision I hurt enough and wanted to stop. Then took( and still take) the advise of others and put it into action. I take their advise because they have helluva lot more knowledge of what works.
And I STILL have to take their advise/ suggestions because....Welp..I gotta good friend on here I've been talkin to about crap I let myself get into(again!!!) and...dam!!!!! It's like she knows what I'm already thinkin up in my head!!! She's been there, has some pretty dam good solutions, and a virtual crowbar to pop my head outta my but!!!
One suggestion for ya now- don't kik yerself for being a Codie. There's good qualities in us( and in us alcoholics,too).. For me i have problems on using them qualities. But by reading what other Codie's over in the F&F have done and their solutions and talkin with others who know me better on it than I do and using their solutions...Welp....im getting better at two things:
Saying NO
And not letting their monkeys and their circus bother me.
My circus is fun without em!!!
It's got all dogs.
I'd suggest first off to make sobriety yer number one priority.
And visit he friends and family forum to learn how to say NO and why it's important to say NO and put you first.
If how you address him hurts his feelings then he's allowing it and it's his problem. And by continueing to allow his behavior, continueing to try and rescue him, yer enabling him to stay sick.
To stop feeling like ya need to bend over backwards for him:
How's bending over backwards been workin for ya? Been helpin ya or hurtin ya?
The first thing I had to do was make a decision I hurt enough and wanted to stop. Then took( and still take) the advise of others and put it into action. I take their advise because they have helluva lot more knowledge of what works.
And I STILL have to take their advise/ suggestions because....Welp..I gotta good friend on here I've been talkin to about crap I let myself get into(again!!!) and...dam!!!!! It's like she knows what I'm already thinkin up in my head!!! She's been there, has some pretty dam good solutions, and a virtual crowbar to pop my head outta my but!!!
One suggestion for ya now- don't kik yerself for being a Codie. There's good qualities in us( and in us alcoholics,too).. For me i have problems on using them qualities. But by reading what other Codie's over in the F&F have done and their solutions and talkin with others who know me better on it than I do and using their solutions...Welp....im getting better at two things:
Saying NO
And not letting their monkeys and their circus bother me.
My circus is fun without em!!!
It's got all dogs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
You two are playing out roles in a sense. He wants your nonstop attention, you want to become more healthy as you work sobriety. You want him to become more healthy too...
Check into Drama Triangles. I like this web site for the description is good even if it looks a little hokey.
Get Your ANGRIES Out.
Indeed pop over and visit the Friends and Family section. Lots of wisdom there looking into relationship issues impacted by addiction and some mental health stuff too.
Check into Drama Triangles. I like this web site for the description is good even if it looks a little hokey.
Get Your ANGRIES Out.
Indeed pop over and visit the Friends and Family section. Lots of wisdom there looking into relationship issues impacted by addiction and some mental health stuff too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 81
You're four days sober. What an accomplishment for you!
You know, you really are a separate person from him, right? I know you care for him and are concerned about him, as you should be. But if he is causing you discomfort as you continue to get sober, based on my experience, I'd suggest you really try to find ways to build your own sober life.
That's hard, I know. I, too, struggle with depression. Yes, you have to push yourself but it does help. Connecting with people, exercise, diet, and (in my case) medication helps.
How to connect? I had at least some success with Meetup. But you have to keep going back to get to know people. And, I'll throw AA in there, too. Generally a great group to know.
Wishing you the best.
You know, you really are a separate person from him, right? I know you care for him and are concerned about him, as you should be. But if he is causing you discomfort as you continue to get sober, based on my experience, I'd suggest you really try to find ways to build your own sober life.
That's hard, I know. I, too, struggle with depression. Yes, you have to push yourself but it does help. Connecting with people, exercise, diet, and (in my case) medication helps.
How to connect? I had at least some success with Meetup. But you have to keep going back to get to know people. And, I'll throw AA in there, too. Generally a great group to know.
Wishing you the best.
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