JensDestiny

Last night, I was working on some things on my computer and stumbled across some journal entries that I had written in April, 2014.

It was really difficult to read the lies that I was trying to make myself believe at the time. In one paragraph, I wrote about not hiding my alcoholism from anyone... what a crock! I can't recall how many times I would tuck my "glass" behind something and then forget where I left it so I would just make a new drink. When I finally quit drinking in June, I threw out probably 30 empty vodka bottles that I had hidden in my basement.

I am both ashamed of the person that I was and saddened for the "poor girl" who wrote in that journal because it certainly couldn't have been me.

There have been a few times over the past several months that I almost talked myself into trying to drink moderately. Thankfully, I was able to realize that it was the AV talking and not what I really want at all so I was able to avoid the temptation. The next time I feel like having a drink, I think I should just read a few pages in my drunken journal.

ScottFromWI

Remembering our past and our struggles is key, but you have to be careful not to dwell on it. You are still the same person you were then, the difference is your honestly and acceptance of your problem. Keep it up, you are doing a great job.

zjw

its ok to look back but not ok to regret. The truth can hurt sting cut like a knife etc.. But its best to not try and avoid it but embrace it and be thankful for it. The truth aint always peaches and sunshine it can be bitter sweet too. You can look back and see that bitter part etc.. or you can look at how far you've come and how awesome your doing.

Turtle82

Oh, yes,... I call them "onion skins" because they usually make me cry. With new revelations and perspectives they peel off one-by-one often without something like reading my 4th again but just sitting in reverie I guess. Many had to do with just living and handling new things that made me remember my parents and other significant people in a different way. And many had to do with the way I neglected and abused myself too. When I hit those, I held that child who was in pain... often crossing my arms in front of me to hug her and sat rocking her. Surely she was in great pain and deserves that nurturing. I did a Step 10 to her and let her know I was sorry I didn't take better care of her. Then I let it go by thanking God for guiding me to this new knowledge.

zjw

for what its worth I wrote down some stuff that went through my head in early sobriety its helpful for me to look at it once in a while re-read it and thank my lucky stars I made it past that.

I'll also look at old photos I can see by the look in my eye the pain i was in. I can still feel that pain too even when i see those photos. Again I'm glad I got past it.

I wont lie it stings a little but thats good its a battle wound is all. A reminder of where i've been and where i'm headed and why i'm headed there etc..

sleepie

That's the truth. Coming across old journals and realizing the problems have aways been the same, a real eye opener! And a very good deterrent from repeating past mistakes.

Soberwolf

Hello Jensdestiny we cant change the past we can learn from it and try to change today

Accepting it and moving forward is important and your doing that

Keep up the good work

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations with your self honesty.

For me that’s the foundation to sobriety along with acceptance of the fact we cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL