KarenSmith

Have a glass of wine with friends: "Come over for a drink!", Wine at dinner. Have a cold beer after mowing the yard on a hot day. Fund raisers. Community picnics. Book Club. A glass of wine to relax at the end of the day. Meet up at a bar after skiing. Christmas parties. Birthday parties. Drinking is just everywhere and a part of my social fabric.

My husband and I are semi-retired in a very active mountain community and are very fortunate to have so many wonderful, healthy, active outdoor activities to do. And everybody drinks. It is hard to avoid it. Yesterday we got invited to a dinner party with friends. Some events I know it is easy for me to pass on the wine, but I know this dinner would present a huge challenge to abstain, so we are not going. Then she is having a birthday party in a few weeks. Maybe I will feel stronger then. We will see. In the last year I have navigated away from this particular group of friends and have nurtured and developed new friendships where the time we spend together is focused on healthy, life affirming activities like hiking and skiing. Of this new group, most everybody drinks a little bit (normal, sipping one, maybe two kind of drinking.) Some don't drink at all. It is all so civilized, healthy and well just plain normal. It is a big change from the other group where drinking was the reason to get together. I am proud of the progress that I have made in this last year. I haven't conquered my drinking problem but I am changing my habits and my friends. I feel like I am moving in the right direction. I keep messing up, but my drinking hasn't been out of control and I keep coming back and starting over. Some days I feel strong and in control, other days I just seem to slip back into autopilot and next thing I am have a drink. The bottom line is that I am stringing more abstaining days together and staying focused on the goal of living my life alcohol free.

zjw

I'm an all or nothing person i'm either all in drinking all or all out. I couldnt just have a bad day here and there slip up once in a while and be ok with it or with myself.

I know someone else who also is fighting this disease who has strings of sober time will go months then fall down. This person will beat themselves up over it feel terrible then get back on the wagon. This person will still beat themselves up over it.

I told this person that the progress there making is tremendous and to have such long stretches of sobriety and get back on the wagon isnt the worst thing in the world that they are indeed making progress.

You got to keep your eye on the prize. As for me I could not do it like that no way i'd be able to sustain the stretches of sobriety.

If its perfection you seek you'll probably really disappointed. Like my one friend who will beat themselves up over falling down.

I'm not too social myself but i can imagine being social like you are has got to make it really difficult.

Soberwolf

Ive posted on this in newcomers

I really hope you reach your goal Karen sobriety is the best option by far

KarenSmith

Sober wolf, I posted it here, and thought I deleted it an reposted in newcomers. But it is still here. I saw your response and thank you!

KarenSmith

zwj. I know what you mean. After my 7 weeks last year I have been trying to moderate since starting to drink again. (sound of hysterical laughter from the peanut section. lol!) I am starting over again and my intent is to not drink. I don't mean to sound like I'm not very committed but I don't have a lot of confidence yet. Some days are better than others.

OklaBH

Im glad you are keeping your resolve. Drinking doesnt help anything in life. The only enhancement is the mess thats caused from it. I dont know if you goto meetings or have a Big Book, but page 101 & 102 speak specifically about social occasions. When invited to a party I have to read it over and make sure Im "equipped" to handle it.

zjw

i've dabbled like that when quiting smoking. or quiting other things. heck when i quit drinking i tapered off for a few days. I think you put it well "don't have a lot of confidence yet". Theres nothing wrong with easing into it. but keep focused on the goal and be true to yourself dont make excuses etc.. (no i'm not saying you making excuses) Sometime you gotta walk the line and fall quite a bit before you get your balance tho. Just cant give up is all. Usually this approach leads to one thing or the other in your case sobriety or not. If you dont take your eye off the prize chances are you will in time decide meh I'm just not gonna drink anymore and it'll be no big thing.

KarenSmith

I guess I gave the wrong impression. I am committed to abstinence. Again. It's just that I have come to accept that I am vulnerable to the AV. When I started drinking after being sober for a while, I just kind of gave up on quitting, even though I was still aware of trying to moderate and growing more and more aware that my life is better without drinking. If I do drink again, I know I will quit again. Not being flip about it at all, it is just that I have made it a little further down the path to acceptance.

OmoRose

Can I speak freely?

You can't drink And you must seek out that mantra where it isn't ever going to make you think you can.

I wish for that, and in wishing that, I will be honest and tell you; Do NOT attend an event where you may be tempted. If you do, be strong and realize they do not comprehend. 99 percent do not.

They're not resposible for you. You are. Oh how we can hate them for tempting us! Yes indeed.
Stop, and stop.
Don't go. It if you do, it's all on you, and I hope you bring a strong ally.

KarenSmith

OmoRose, I knew I would be tempted so I skipped the dinner party. I went to a big anniversary party last week and planned it with my group to stay only an hour and slip out, which I did. I am learning to recognize when I am susceptible to the temptation and avoiding/or making a plan to cope. This is a huge step for me.

I told a friend yesterday I quit and she said, oh but it is still ok to have "one" for a treat. No they don't get it and I know it. Seems the ones that do get it are the ones that don't urge you to drink. I have walked away from the bar scene and parties with people that I have come to now know as former drinking buddies. Thanks for your reply, you are right.