sillyguy

Hi all,

This is my second post on here (from memory). I usually just lurk.

Since I last posted I have failed to quit dozens of times. I've been pissed more than I can remember (literally).

I've done lots of stupid things. I've had a few threats from my wife that she will leave me etc. None of it really phases me. Well it does for a day or two but then the end of the week comes around and I'm on the drink again. I generally drink about 4 times a week but I'm a raging binger !

In my experience nothing has worked for me. Not willpower, emotional support, trying to change lifestyle. My resolve always fails. Like many of you can relate to I always choose alcohol. Only secular ways will work for me.


Anyway, this came to an end the Sunday past when I woke up in my mothers house in the morning and had no recollections of the night before. The wife told my brother to pick me up before she kills me. Needless to say, this really resonated with me and I felt completely defeated. Time to try something hardcore. This time I decided to put science to the test...

I got a new doctor, gave him the low-down and started on Antabuse. Today is my 3rd day off alcohol but my first day on Antabuse. He suggested I just take Vallium to deal with the withdrawals but I said why? I will just take that with alcohol and have another addiction. I think the doctor was initially bemused when I said I need to learn the hard way. He was almost a little fearful of putting me on Antabuse. However after lots of counselling and discussions with myself and my wife on the consequences of drinking on Antabuse he agreed.

Anyway.. I'm on that, have a psychologist and I'm booking myself in as an outpatient at a rehab joint.

I'm taking the decisions out of my hands. I know deep down I'm scared ******** to drink alcohol while I'm on Antabuse. If that is what it takes to get some freedom so be it. Logic doesn't work for me.

I'm looking forward to some serenity, clarity and not putting the people around me through my crap.

Thanks for listening :-)

sillyguy

Sorry for the double post. The internet was flakey here and I probably clicked submit twice.
I'm not sure how to close this thread.

Lusher

Hey sillyguy-

I think it's great how you're going at it hard. I, too, put myself on antabuse years ago, but to be honest I was net really ready to stop. So after a few weeks I stopped, then back to the drink. The one thing I think it really helps with is that it takes way any temptations. At least it did for me. I never tested it with trying to drink, but from what I understand it ain't a fun time.

Those blackouts are scary. Many of my nights were like that. No recollection at all. Blackouts are a pretty good indicator that it's time to get your arms around the drinking, so good for you!

I wish you well with your progress. Also, be mindful of what you consume as far as foods while on that medication. Keep in mind any sauces, which might contain some wines. I forgot about that, however when I ate some, I did not suffer any adverse effects. (Lucky)

Congrats on the three days, as well as taking control.


Lusher