Thesouthern1

Hi everyone, I hope you are all ok. After posting here a few months ago about my excessive wine drinking I have now got to the stage where I dont drink every night but I do drink a bottle of wine every second or third night - although I still think about wine and drinking every single minute of every single day. I know I am an alcoholic. I sit here thinking how did I get into this state where I just have to fight thoughts of drinking all the time, its a constant turmoil in my heart. I dont know if any of you know the feeling I am about to explain. I feel a constant, deep, black hole in my soul in my spirit, its a constant sadness, a constant hunger, that can never be filled. I have an amazing life - a beautiful husband, two wonderful kids, two beautiful houses, my health and yet this sadness which wont leave me. My mom and ad hated me, left me, abused me and still dont care about me - is this the reason?! Am I mad? So scared!

Kris47

A Big Ole Hug for you, Southern,

You just need to fill that hole with the God of your understanding, Us, Look ahead and not behind and keep your eyes on your goal. It's not as easy as looking at it on paper but it is So Worth It. Walk with us. The more you fill that hole with good things the more you can heal.

Light and Love, Kris

huntingtontx

I have felt that way too. Think on the good things in your life. I once read a book called, "Your mind can drive you crazy, only if you let it" That book helped me so much. I did not help me quit drinking, but it helped me deal with life. The drinking part, only you can do. As long as you drink any alcohol, your body will scream for more. I know it is hard to let it go, as alcohol pretends to be our friend, to help us deal. It is a liar. It keeps us from dealing. Please come join us on our sober journey. You can do this and we are all here to help. After you quit drinking it is so much easier to see and deal with the emotional stuff. I am sorry you are hurting. You are in my prayers.

IOAA2

Hi and it’s good to express your many feelings.
Most here on this site can identify with what you post regarding the desire to drink because we are alcoholics with many scars of the burden we inflict into us.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease that tells us we need more and more to face life. It’s known to be powerful, baffling, insidious and cunning.
I and many needed to get honest with ourselves about our drinking AND accept the fact we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. It’s that simple tho not always easy.
Reading posts on this site is very helpful along with a program like AA which works when we work it.

BE WELL

ubntubnt

Hiya Southern, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that cycle for quite a while before I broke it and descended downwards and an accelerating pace.

To be honest I failed completely to understand that the drinking was the CAUSE of these dark and lonely feelings. Now that you know you have a problem and now that you realise that you are not happy maybe it is time to go all out and break the cycle by dropping the booze once and for all and you will become a happy, positive person as a result. it seems that you have all the building blocks in place - you just need to dig deep and stop this madness by dropping the booze once and for all. Good luck and please don't underestimate how tough it will be but I get a feeling that you are up to the task.

Carbonized

Hi Southern,

Am in the process of beginning to deal with a life long situation which is very similar to yours. First thing is to go visit a doctor. There is no way around it, medical attention must come first.

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here, keep coming back!!!

For me, I had the feeling of restless, irritable and discontented nature. Externally, all should have been pretty good......but, inwardly - there was indeed always this hole.

Alcohol was not the hole, for me......it was a way to cope with the causes of the donut hole. A common trait among alcoholics is loneliness, even in a crowd. We feel different for some reason.

There is HOPE and ways to fill the hole!! These are found in various recovery methods you'll read about here. SR is a place to learn, discover and support each other regardless of recovery choices.

The hole in me started to be filled with the journey for happiness which is inward, once alcohol was removed.

Glad you're with us!!

Fishinainteasy

I think the entire human race has felt how you do now. My higher power has been the one to fill that void for me. I had to learn the difference between happiness and joy. I've kind of put myself in a spiritual boot camp right now with the people I surround myself with and the things I'm reading etc. have a good day and never stop searching.

yinzer

I think therapy might help you deal with these feelings. You know that alcohol doesn't fill the hole.

Mountainmanbob

Many drunks suffer from these same types of thoughts and feelings

but, we should note here

For the ones who sober up and stay sober life looks much better in fairly short time.

If you would stay sober for let's say -- 6 months -- good chance that you would never go back -- and for the ones who do return to the liquid devil -- they miss the good old sober days and pray for there return.

MM

Dee74

I think most of us can identify with that Thesouthern1

I tried to fill my void with a bewildering array of 'stuff' - nothing worked because the pit was bottomless.

I found much better results with working on healing my void.

Stopping drinking is step number one. You can't grow and change when you're drinking to numb yourself or block out bad memories.

Thats not to say you leave yourself unprotected - there's a vast ocean of help options out there. Some people go to AA and 'do the steps' some seek counselling, some join a church, some meditate, others do volunteer service work...

Start looking for the things that will help you heal your void Thesouthern1

D

oak

i can identify with a hole that i was trying to fill with alcohol. for me, i think past child abuse was a huge trigger to drink. EMDR has been helping me heal. emdr.com

Soberwolf

I agree with D