Sweettha

I'm finally okay with being an introvert.

Like many, my alcoholism started because drinking was a social lubricant. I was able to finally feel "human". I enjoyed talking to strangers, being flirtatious, and hanging with big crowds.

In truth, sober me hates all those things. I enjoy getting to know some one deeply. I need to recharge after a night of socializing and happen to enjoy being by myself.

Now that you don't have alcohol anymore in your life, what is your new social lubricant? How do you feel more "human?

Aellyce

I am the kind of person who is generally not bored in my own company and I have never truly enjoyed socializing (beyond my teen years) with groups simply just for the sake of socializing and without much substance. The way I do it is choosing events I'm interested in and people I'm interested in interacting with. Of course there are obligations, but generally I never have problems if I am into what I am doing and who I am doing with, so I guess my social lubricant is my own interest.

The way I have approached expanding my social life in sobriety has been joining groups I share interest with, eg. my yoga classes or small discussion groups. I like learning things, so that's always one of the most obvious choices for social life and meeting people. Socializing one on one is also always much more natural for me and I have hardly ever had anxieties in such situations when I'm with someone interesting, so I often prefer being with people this way.

mrownage

I have always enjoyed going to the gym and working out... I used to be into body building before i turned 21 and could drink wherever whenever. When I was working out I was dedicated to gaining muscle and keeping it and i knew m alcohol consumption would hinder my results so I stopped for a while. Once i grew into the reality of being an adult, i started to drink more to take pressure off.. anyway you need to find a hobby that releases your stress and other emotional loads... It helps gain confidence when you are enter social environments

Soberwolf

Well done & well said Sweettha

Johno1967

That's something I'm still coming to terms with after more than two years sober. I drank to be more sociable and accepted as well. In the end I simply took to drinking alone. Generally I'm ok being a loner, though at times it gets lonely. At middle age working a fly in fly out job with a distant relationship with wife and kids who are growing up I don't have a social circle or friends I see so a spiritual relationship with my HP has pretty well filled that hole. I also like to go for long runs and if I were single I'd probably make like Fprrest Gump and just keep going.

Johno1967

Come to think of it, now I realize that 25 years of drinking was probably my way of searching for something. Took a while to realize that it was the wrong path.

Wastinglife

I was a shy, quiet kid up until high school. Then I discovered a magic potion that could allow me to talk to people, make them laugh, and have fun: alcohol. I am naturally an introvert. Alcohol has the opposite effect and I become a 'party animal' who loves to be the centre of attention. The 'fun' stopped long ago however when I was drinking to the point where I lose control and anti-social behaviour began. Things like getting in fights, arguments, being rude to people.

Sober now 10 months, back to being an introvert. No point in fighting it. It's just the way I am.

Soberpotamus

I drank for all those reasons you mentioned when I first started drinking in my late teens and early twenties. Like you, I'm a natural introvert and much prefer small or no crowds, and getting to know a handful of people on a much deeper level.

I don't have a social lubricant I just wing it.

zjw

I dont really have any social lubricant. I simply dont really socialize and when i do not to well with people I dunno. I'm ok with it tho. I enjoy myself in my own head just fine I dont have some burning desire to socialize.

I feel more human just by exercising and eating well. when i was younger i weight lifted i always felt so good alone or with one or 2 other people i new in the weight room. These days I run alone and i'm totally happy alone in my head while out on a run. I'd do stuff like that 16 hours a day if i could. I very much prefer to be alone in my own head and come out now and then when i feel the urge rather then have to be out and go back in.

SoberCAH

I am a little introverted in that I am perfectly comfortable being alone and reading a book, watching a little television (true crime shows (Dateline, 48 Hourse, not reality shows, sitcoms, The Voice, DWTS, American Idol, etc.) or engaging in some similar pursuit.

I am not averse to company (particularly my wife's) by any stretch, but I do okay without much extranious entertainment.

I try to do more listening than talking, although I speak with a staggering degree of erudition and profundity when I do talk (just kidding).

I am comfortable in my own skin.

And I don't have to talk about sports all the time to make sure that I feel (and act) like I am a man.

Before I got sober, any introversion on my part was due to low self-esteem, and my incessant babbling about sports was designed to project the image of my being a man's man.

Now, that's not the case at all.

I am seldom intimidated by any social setting, whether it's a NASCAR track or a black tie dinner.

This is a good topic.

Avra

I am a introvert. I much prefer being home with husband and child than out socializing. I have to go out tonight to a social thing and wishing I didn't have to. I have a lot of anxiety and I think that is what attracted me to drinking.

I used to think being introverted was a bad thing, but its not. Its who I am and I shouldn't have to try to change it. I do wish the anxiety could be lessened though.

Verte

A few months after booting alcohol out of my life I posted about how various social scenarios caused me intense anxiety - times where I used to drink just to get through it. And now what was I going to do?! The scenarios were a baby shower and lounging near 'the ladies' at the pool during the summertime.

After posting and the freak out session, I realized that there are valid reasons that I do not like either of these scenarios. And this is OK! I gave myself permission to not be tortured. This past summer I brought a book or work while lounging and sipped iced tea. Talked to people as they came. Just took the pressure off of myself to be anything but what I am. And I just will never like baby showers. But I love giving presents so that is energy well diverted.

Cascabel

I'm an introvert; have been all my life. Used to think there was something wrong with me but then discovered the MBTI or Meyer-Briggs Type Index. It describes introversion as one normal way people prefer to deal with the world. Introverts have to expend energy in social situations and so need time alone to "recharge their batteries". This is a distinct contrast to extroversion. I've heard estimates that about a third of Americans are introverts.

If you are interested, Google MBTI and read some of the information available on the subject. There are online tests you can take that will help you determine your personality type (I turn out to be an INTJ). Also, there is a book titled " Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking". This is a well researched book that deals with introversion in a positive way. For me, I found it quite liberating to find that I am not an odd-ball misfit.

barefootjunker

I really don't know if I was an introvert, started drinking far before I think it could have developed as one. Alcohol for me over the years was doing a great job of keeping people away from me. By the end of my drinking I really had no one left to call upon if needed.

My best company has been my drunkin self for years. Being that, I have a hard time around others and interacting with them on the same level they are able to. I struggle today even in relating around AA's before and after meetings. I feel lonely a lot of the time as a result.

Alcohol made it easier till I hit a certain point, then I would most likely get angry over something stupid and go off with my drunkin self. I really don't see it as a social lubricant as I am an alcoholic, and know that for those times I thought it was being the life of the party I was just making an ass of myself to those not as sick as me.

Bh28

I am also an introvert. Been extremely shy all my life especially with the opposite sex. I've also been diagnosed with social phobia.

ubntubnt

Very interesting post. Most of are brought up to feel that extroverts are good and introverts are bad. That to be successful we need to be great communicators, powerful, light up a room and all that. The older and more experienced you get and the more successful and happy people you get to meet the more you realise that this is all nonsense.

The truth is that everyone is different. Some people like to communicate a lot and never stop talking and always have an opinion on something (my wife) and others like to be more reflective, listen first and talk when they feel they have something to say (me).

Personally I feel much more comfortable giving a speech to 500 people on a stage than I do in making conversation with a stranger (except when I am drunk). I used to think that was a bad thing and envied those that could easily strike up a conversation with a stranger....not I know that just the way I am and I am cool with that.

My guess is that when you get to know someone and like someone you have no problem in communicating with them. If so, then you have no issue. Leave the "light up the room" stuff to those that do this naturally. You will be the gem to be discovered.

ubntubnt

I am also an INTJ - always thought I was an extrovert. Turns out I misunderstood the term.

zelt

"Alcohol has the opposite effect and I become a 'party animal' who loves to be the centre of attention. The 'fun' stopped long ago however when I was drinking to the point where I lose control and anti-social behaviour began. Things like getting in fights, arguments, being rude to people." What wastinglife said. Me in a nutshell. I actually think the introverts are the most likely to f##k up a lot per se'

Johno1967

To be honest I'm probably more socially immature than introverted. 25 Years of alcoholism stunted my social development. While I have an above average IQ, I have a low emotional and social IQ. I actually took booze to carry on a conversation. Now I find it very hard to engage in conversation. I run out of things to say, silence fills the gap and people wander off. I also suffer one sided deafness and people have to repeat themselves a lot. In a noisy environment I can't make out sentences. That's another reason I avoid parties.
With a drink in my hand I was the life of the party, very animated, loud and gregarious and funny, that is until I caused a scene or embarrassed myself or others.

Johno1967

I'm an INFJ. A 1 per center.
An Introvert is someone that does not rely on external stimuli. We can sit in an empty bar and drink all night, having a party inside ourselves. An extrovert needs other people to draw energy from. I have a very strong Extrovert works for me. Every time I speak to her for more than 10 minutes I almost have to find a quiet place to recharge.