Got Through Day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Got Through Day 1
Although I had been sober for several years, I started drinking again the past few months. What a mistake to pick up that first drink! I have been binge drinking on pretty much a daily basis. I get home from work and then drink 8-10 beers, smoke some pot, eat a lot, and then pass out. I then wake up in the middle of the night feeling absolutely horrible - hot and sweaty with intense anxiety. I then have to sit with this anxiety while I can't sleep for about six hours before I am able to get a couple of hours of sleep before work. I am then obviously tired at work, and then I resume this same pattern that night. While in that anxious state, I tell myself I will not do this again, only to feel better that night and do it again. I have been going to AA meetings here and there. I was tempted to once again drink tonight, but I didn't. It makes no sense to me why I would even think about drinking when I have to endure that torture that night. Well, today is Day 1, and my solution which I heard at a meeting today is this - don't drink in between meetings. If I go to more meetings at night when I am feeling vulnerable, I know that I will have a greater likelihood of staying sober. So, I feel powerless over this addiction when I don't go to meetings, but I feel more powerful over this disease if I can just go to meetings. I have so much to lose, as I have put in a lot of studying and work into my career. Going to meetings are my answer at the time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Well I ended up relapsing a couple days after my post. I got complacent and my AV took over. It's going to be a challenge since my husband drinks a lot, but I love him and plan on staying with him. I am trying to communicate with him more about my recovery, and if he can cut back a little. I think he can respect this. Just got to keep on trying. 12 more minutes until Day 1 is over. Ate a lot today which helped with any cravings. Will be going to an AA meeting tomorrow and was able to talk with someone over the phone today about my recovery. I notice that when I feel stressed out about something, I feel an urge to drink to escape the mental anguish of that emotional trigger. I am going to practice letting go more often and not trying to control everything. I am a total control freak, and this can cause me problems. Just need to work on breathing and letting go more often. It's difficult though dealing with my inlaws. A lot of my worry stems from me disagreeing with how they may want to do things. I guess I am lucky that I have a very supportive husband, but then I feel guilty as if I am always getting my way.
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