Biff123

Hello all. This is my first post on SR, however, I have been a LONG time lurker. I can honestly say that SR has kept me sober many nights when I have had the urge. So first and foremost, I would like to say thank you to the entire SR community.

Just a little about me...I started drinking at age 15 and was an alcoholic by age 16. All kinds of alcohol related trouble with the law including a DUI before my 18th birthday. Fights, broken bones and teeth, and more mace in the face than I care to remember. All my friends were alcoholics too, so it it didn't really dawn on me until i was in my early 20s that I had a problem with alcohol. I would take small breaks here and there throughout my 20s, but would do so knowing that it wasn't permanent. Fast forward to my late 20s, and I have a family and a good job, but my drinking continued to increase. I started feeling the urge to drink around the same time everyday sitting at my desk at work. I would go home and have a few beers, usually never more than 4 on a weeknight, but would look forward to the weekend, when I could start drinking earlier (in the end at about noon on sat/sun). On the weekend I would drink slow and steady, usually polishing off close to a case of beer by sun night.

I started getting nervous about my drinking after I looked up the normal amount of daily alcohol intake allowed for an adult male. I also battle anxiety and take a SSRI. I began worrying that damage to my liver could multiply since I was taking the meds and drinking. I also started coming here and could relate to many of the stories. I started going to AA, but was turned off a bit by some of the personalities. I would leave many times wanting to drink more than when I went in! SR is my sole resource for recovery support. I ended up quitting completely in November 2012, the 26th to be exact. It was very difficult in the beginning, but got progressively easier as time went by. I had the occasional craving after the 6 month mark, but was able to hold fast.

For some reason today I am having serious doubts about my need to stay sober for the rest of my life. I was going through some old pictures of my friends and I partying and having a good old time and started to reminisce. I know this is dangerous, but couldn't help myself.

My father passed away this year, and I was able to stay sober through that. He was a lifelong drinker too, but I never considered him an alcoholic. He quit with me, partially i feel to motivate me. He was my best friend and I think of him daily. I also was looking at a picture of him today and was thinking of how in his last year while sober, he was a bit depressed. He was retired and just didn't do much. I know in my heart that if he was drinking, he would have been happier.

I really don't want to throw 23 months away, but honestly, I just want to go out with my buddies and have a couple beers.

Thanks for reading.

Biff

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Biff, to the posting side of SR. Congratulations on 23 months of sobriety; that is a fantastic accomplishment.

I find it very significant that your Dad stopped drinking to support/motivate you; sharing in your sobriety was one of his final gifts to you.

I hope you decide not to drink again.

Again, welcome to the posting side of SR.

silentrun

Hi Biff. 23 months sober with one post. I'm impressed! I'm a few months behind you but I had a situation like that come at me already. My friends were talking about a particular night before my drinking had escalated. We all had a lot of fun. It started to make me think I could have it like that again. I ended up having a nightmare and it scared me back to reality. It isn't going to be like that ever again. Even if get away with a few times here and there it will put drinking back up as an option. One it is an option again I will lose control. It's nothing more than a trick we play on ourselves.
Also I have a mental defense against the first drink. This thing is progressive and I don't want to have to go through recovery again without it.

dsmaxis10

Biff after four years sober I said lets have a beer well its been a year and nine months of drinking I finally got three weeks today. Four at night can turn into six then eight and so on. It gets harder to quit every time. Congrats on 23 months almost two years.

BarbieKen

Hi Bif,
I'm 23 months sober too, I'll be 2 years on the 12th of November. Euphoric Recall ...sound familiar? Our disease centers in our minds, and yours is reminding you of those fun times "partying". Let's see ....I also remember a few of those times .... The fighting with my hubby, saying cruel things while I was in a blackout. Next day, my hubby calls ..." Do you remember what you said to me??" Ahhh ...NO. The guilt, the shame. But, not having a clue , just knowing once again I "partied" too much! The good times of drinking? Bobbi, how many years ago WAS that?? Our son would read me letters, HIS Sponsor,suggested he write. Aftewards, I'd just look at him and said, " I'm not ready to quit drinking yet." Yeah, more of those fun party times. At meetings, why do we laugh and nod in agreement over the shared experiences of what "partying" got us? Yep. I'm sticking with what's been working for 23 months. I hope you do too!
Bobbi

Soberwolf

Hi Bif 23 months is awesome hang in there bud big welcome to SR

Dee74

Hi and welcome Biff
I know you'll find a lot of support here

My advice is to think of those things that led you to stop drinking...you risk opening the door to all those things again...and maybe worse...if you drink again.

There's no reset button on this thing. If you're a drinker like me no amount of sober time will reboot you...my realtionship with getting drunk or high will stay exactly the same.

You may also find it exponentially harder to get sober again.

Whatever disquiet or unease is bothering you I'm sure there's a healthy solution.

I'd keep looking

D

DeanChev

Hi, thanks for the post, I too am trying to stay sober like everyone else, I'm only on day 4, although I've only drank maybe 5 times in the last 3 months, but last time I drank was my birthday, and I got so drunk, I threw up and passed out, woke up with a hangover from hell, and was sick that whole day in and out of the bathroom, wasn't fun and wasn't worth it, I am ready to stay sober for good, I hope you stay sober, 23 months is a great feat to accomplish, longest I made it in the last 8 years was 4 months, if I could make it to 23 months, I would consider that an amazing thing for myself, good luck and thanks for posting

oak

Biff- Welcome to SR.

I can appreciate the dilemma. I have 25 months sober and have been having thoughts of drinking. I'm fairly sure it would suck again for me. I've relapsed several times. Seems like my drinking got worse each relapse and it became harder to get sober again.

Keep posting! I hope you get all the support you need.

Biff123

Thanks everybody. I really appreciate the support. I feel better this morning. Think I may have slept some of those feelings off. I just feel so amazing and clear headed. Don't think I would be too pleased if I was hungover this morning. In fact, Im sure I would be pretty damn depressed. I thank God for what I have today, including waking up! Not going to spoil what I have for some lie my brain is telling me.

30yrdrunk

Biff,

I am 10 1/2 months sober and our stories are very similar, except I am 45 yrs old. One thing that helps me is that I am truly myself without drink. A little alcohol changes me in ways I can't understand. Stay strong brother.

TC

doggonecarl

You mean these good old times:

Squelch those thoughts. They are only going to lead to trouble and misery and who knows how much sufferering before you get sober again. Don't throw away 23 months.

zjw

i'm sure i got many more cases of beer in me i could drink. But i dunno if i got another recovery. especially since i keep reading that trying to sober up subsequent times gets harder etc.. I dunno that i could watch another decade or more go down the toilet.