Socializing sober
lillyknitting
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Socializing sober
Just wanted to put this out to all you amazing people for your opinion on this: went out last night with friends (drinking friends, some alcoholics maybe some just normal drinkers). Met a guy at the restaurant who is one of the chaps that we also socialize with & have known for years. This guy is not an alcoholic, is pretty fit generally and I noticed a few weeks ago that he wasn't drinking! I asked him about his decision & he said he was fed up with the ill-effects booze was having on him, his recovery time etc and wanted to be rid of the poison in his body. I agreed with him and said great, fantastic and well done. Well last night he was back drinking after eight months completely sober! Wow!! I said why are you back drinking, he said he'd been out socializing with his mates, at pubs etc where his mates go and just said it became boring!!! I just thought what a shame!
Anyway, I don't think he's alike or anything like that but just thought isn't it sad that people can't socialize without booze. What's your opinions please.
Anyway, I don't think he's alike or anything like that but just thought isn't it sad that people can't socialize without booze. What's your opinions please.
Matt M
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 490
I only noticed how much other people drank in the periods when I wasn't drinking.
But for the majority of people, even tho they essentially do drink more than they should on a social night out, it never goes so far that it veers into alcoholism like it does with us on here.
For me, it's because I simply drank more than anyone else. I'd drink more before I went out than they drank the entire night whilst we were out, and up until I hit 30 I could handle it and nobody had any idea how much i'd been drinking because I dealt with it well.
Maybe it's the amount of alcohol or maybe some of us are more susceptible to addiction than others, I don't know.
I know people who drink too much but in no way are they alcoholics.
But for the majority of people, even tho they essentially do drink more than they should on a social night out, it never goes so far that it veers into alcoholism like it does with us on here.
For me, it's because I simply drank more than anyone else. I'd drink more before I went out than they drank the entire night whilst we were out, and up until I hit 30 I could handle it and nobody had any idea how much i'd been drinking because I dealt with it well.
Maybe it's the amount of alcohol or maybe some of us are more susceptible to addiction than others, I don't know.
I know people who drink too much but in no way are they alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 23
There are a ton of people who really get into this mindset of “in order to have fun, I need to get loose. If I need to get loose, I need a drink.” You really do notice how many people rely on alcohol to have fun once you stop drinking – once you start focusing on everything that you are not supposed to have.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I guess it depends on who you socialize with. There are drinking friends and that is what they do. Now that I'm sober, I've taken up Zumba and dancing and my friends do that. In sure if I were to take up pottery or photography... You know?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Indiana
Posts: 174
Well, I know I had to be drunk to go to a bar let alone interact with the insufferable apes that hung around there...guess I was one too.
I couldn't imagine going to a bar sober even when I was drinking.
I couldn't imagine going to a bar sober even when I was drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i really cant socialize without booze in a setting full of new people etc.. I've learned how to socialize now with peopel i know in small groups. But again something like thanksgiving dinner with the whole family and no booze and i cringe.
If i meet someone new i'm getting better at finding some common ground to "make conversation" but i simply dont give 2 $hits about the dialog or what the person has to say I'm just playing along in the game. A good example of this is the other day on a conf call a co worker whom i barely know asked how the weather was where i live and what i had planned for the weekend. I honestly wanted to tell him to shut up and not waste my time with such stupid meaningless dialog. In my mind he doesnt care one iota how i'm doing or what not he's simply making conversation for the sake of making it. It just seems stupid to me to talk about nothing like that.
Maybe I'm just an a$$hole I dunno. I dont do well with meaningless conversations with strangers i simply dont want to be bothered.
Its a tough one too because I want to meet new people sometimes but with behavior like this obviously i wnot have a ton of luck.
I'm not much of a people person. When I drank however I think the underlying a$$hole was still there i just didnt care i still wasnt the most social person either i prefered to drink alone and be left alone.
IE if there was happy hour and all the employees where going i wouldnt go not in a million years unless i felt obligated too and if i did i'd sit in the corner and want ot dirnk alone and be angry inside when people tried to talk to me. I'd of course not let them on to that but would play along nicely.
BUT if happy hour involved a small group of co workers i was friends with and such i'd be all over it and have a great time.
If i meet someone new i'm getting better at finding some common ground to "make conversation" but i simply dont give 2 $hits about the dialog or what the person has to say I'm just playing along in the game. A good example of this is the other day on a conf call a co worker whom i barely know asked how the weather was where i live and what i had planned for the weekend. I honestly wanted to tell him to shut up and not waste my time with such stupid meaningless dialog. In my mind he doesnt care one iota how i'm doing or what not he's simply making conversation for the sake of making it. It just seems stupid to me to talk about nothing like that.
Maybe I'm just an a$$hole I dunno. I dont do well with meaningless conversations with strangers i simply dont want to be bothered.
Its a tough one too because I want to meet new people sometimes but with behavior like this obviously i wnot have a ton of luck.
I'm not much of a people person. When I drank however I think the underlying a$$hole was still there i just didnt care i still wasnt the most social person either i prefered to drink alone and be left alone.
IE if there was happy hour and all the employees where going i wouldnt go not in a million years unless i felt obligated too and if i did i'd sit in the corner and want ot dirnk alone and be angry inside when people tried to talk to me. I'd of course not let them on to that but would play along nicely.
BUT if happy hour involved a small group of co workers i was friends with and such i'd be all over it and have a great time.
lillyknitting
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
[QUOTE=KathleenConroy;4935418]There are a ton of people who really get into this mindset of in order to have fun, I need to get loose. If I need to get loose, I need a drink. You really do notice how many people rely on alcohol to have fun once you stop drinking once you start focusing on everything that you are not supposed to
It's the amounts that people drink that astounds me. Also I've noticed how quickly people become inebriated, say after just two wines and it's really noticeable the change in their behavior, they get louder& louder and after a while I just want to go home.
It's the amounts that people drink that astounds me. Also I've noticed how quickly people become inebriated, say after just two wines and it's really noticeable the change in their behavior, they get louder& louder and after a while I just want to go home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 438
You definitely can socialize without booze for sure. Does booze help in many situations, absolutely.
The thing is if you can't control the alcohol and once socializing is over you are still drinking that is no good. Some can do it and others cannot.
The thing is if you can't control the alcohol and once socializing is over you are still drinking that is no good. Some can do it and others cannot.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Now that I've been sober a while I realize not everyone heads to the bar (pub) to socialize. That said, not everyone at the bar is as hammered as I used to get. The condition other people were in rarely caught my attention then, unless they fell over.
I've kind of created a new circle of friends who either don't drink, or drink moderately. Friends like this are a little harder to find than party buddies, but they're out there. You're friend who quit for 8-mos might still be sober had done the same. Not sure how long I would have made it if my lifestyle never changed. Probably not very long
I've kind of created a new circle of friends who either don't drink, or drink moderately. Friends like this are a little harder to find than party buddies, but they're out there. You're friend who quit for 8-mos might still be sober had done the same. Not sure how long I would have made it if my lifestyle never changed. Probably not very long
lillyknitting
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Originally Posted by NoJimmy 
Now that I've been sober a while I realize not everyone heads to the bar (pub) to socialize. That said, not everyone at the bar is as hammered as I used to get. The condition other people were in rarely caught my attention then, unless they fell over.
I've kind of created a new circle of friends who either don't drink, or drink moderately. Friends like this are a little harder to find than party buddies, but they're out there. You're friend who quit for 8-mos might still be sober had done the same. Not sure how long I would have made it if my lifestyle never changed. Probably not very long
I've kind of created a new circle of friends who either don't drink, or drink moderately. Friends like this are a little harder to find than party buddies, but they're out there. You're friend who quit for 8-mos might still be sober had done the same. Not sure how long I would have made it if my lifestyle never changed. Probably not very long
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by lillyknitting
Yes, definitely, all my friends do is associated with drink. If they go on holiday or even a day out they sit on the beach & drink!! To be honest I'd never heard of such a thing, in my entire upbringing & life with my husband it would never occur to us to sit on the beach & booze. Today it's booze with everything mentality!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
I can't socialise without booze....I don't have the confidence and don't like large groups of people unless I'm loaded.....I know this about myself so I suppose I just have to accept not putting myself in those situations and being a bit of a social hermit.....no one said this quitting drinking malarkey would come without sacrifices.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by MarathonMan
I can't socialise without booze....I don't have the confidence and don't like large groups of people unless I'm loaded.....I know this about myself so I suppose I just have to accept not putting myself in those situations and being a bit of a social hermit.....no one said this quitting drinking malarkey would come without sacrifices.
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