Am I an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
Am I an alcoholic?
OK before I write my post let me say this:
I have 2 years and 2 months of sobriety. I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.
I have not been to any AA or NA meetings because in the small town I live in some people who I know who do go to meetings said how some people there can't keep their mouths shut about who they have seen at meetings, and some of the people at local AA/NA meetings just go because the court told them to and they don't take the group or the message seriously, or they go to meet other people they drink or use drugs with.
I quit drinking because I wanted to before I was 30, and I was told that if I continued to drink it may have possibly gotten worse for me like it does for a lot of people. I did wind up meeting people who are in their 60s who have abused alcohol for decades, who are physically addicted, and I told myself I did not want to wind up like that.
Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.
When I would drink I never would get really drunk on wine or go crazy with it, like I did with beer or liquor-with beer or liquor I would sometimes drink it all very fast and drink a lot of it at once. I grew up drinking a small glass of wine with a meal and I've seen lots of people get really drunk on it sometimes to the point of drinking so much they vomit or black out but that's never happened to me. When I would drink wine I would just drink 1 or two standard sized glasses with a meal, or while eating and I would only drink wine either a few times a year, or a few times a month.
But, I am not sure if I were to drink now I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and two months ago, I would drink 5 or more drinks in a night both alone chatting online with friends, but if I was at home alone I would not drink more than 5-6 drinks.
But when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home I would go crazy drinking a lot at once. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night drinking with friends who were larger in weight than I am or who have a tolerance greater than mine is.
I first drank an entire glass of wine when I was 12 or 13 and I liked the buzz I got from it. Then at 14 I started to drink vodka my parents had that they didn't drink, and when I was 18 I had only drank half of the bottle. Through ages 15 through 20 I would sometimes drink beer or liquor with friends that we would get for parties or at live concerts. I also would have periods where I was not drinking; but I was not sober but I would just use other drugs like LSD (acid), psychedelic mushrooms, amphetamines (prescription, never meth), pharmaceutical opiates (oxycodone/hydrocodone/codeine-not heroin), and I tried coke once but did not really enjoy it. I never really mixed the other drugs but I sometimes would have periods of time when I would take them daily if I wanted to. But I stopped using all of those years/decades ago, and I do not really have a desire to use these drugs now.
I had a period in college where I was in my early 20s and I drank daily for about half a year. Yes I did black out at least once or maybe twice. I did not drive as I had no access to a car.
I did stop drinking daily. I slowly cut back and then quit. I also would smoke pot instead of drinking as I figured it was less harmful and it would not give me horrible hangovers. I know it was stupid to do this but I did not have any sort of withdrawal at all, and at the time I did not want people to know I had a problem with alcohol.
I did this over the summer before my last semester of college. I returned to college that fall and yes I did still drink but kept it to just the weekends and I would drink maybe 5-6 drinks or a bit more with friends at a bar throughout a night.
I did graduate from college, I was easily able to complete all my exams/papers/projects, etc. and get very high marks. I did however continue to drink until I was 29. Sometimes I would drink "normally" and only have 1-2 drinks in a night, and then not drink for awhile like months at a time to where when I did drink one or two standard measured shots of vodka would get me very drunk when sipped slowly.
Other times if I was on vacation with friends and we went to a bar, or I was at a party with friends and I was having fun I would get very drunk and have 6 drinks or more in a night.
Often times when I would drink I would get very anxious or feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.
Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night, and I would not drink at all for weeks or months after this.
I do sometimes have dreams about drinking but they're really random, happen out of nowhere, and I wake up feeling sort of confused about it.
I have 2 years and 2 months of sobriety. I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.
I have not been to any AA or NA meetings because in the small town I live in some people who I know who do go to meetings said how some people there can't keep their mouths shut about who they have seen at meetings, and some of the people at local AA/NA meetings just go because the court told them to and they don't take the group or the message seriously, or they go to meet other people they drink or use drugs with.
I quit drinking because I wanted to before I was 30, and I was told that if I continued to drink it may have possibly gotten worse for me like it does for a lot of people. I did wind up meeting people who are in their 60s who have abused alcohol for decades, who are physically addicted, and I told myself I did not want to wind up like that.
Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.
When I would drink I never would get really drunk on wine or go crazy with it, like I did with beer or liquor-with beer or liquor I would sometimes drink it all very fast and drink a lot of it at once. I grew up drinking a small glass of wine with a meal and I've seen lots of people get really drunk on it sometimes to the point of drinking so much they vomit or black out but that's never happened to me. When I would drink wine I would just drink 1 or two standard sized glasses with a meal, or while eating and I would only drink wine either a few times a year, or a few times a month.
But, I am not sure if I were to drink now I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and two months ago, I would drink 5 or more drinks in a night both alone chatting online with friends, but if I was at home alone I would not drink more than 5-6 drinks.
But when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home I would go crazy drinking a lot at once. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night drinking with friends who were larger in weight than I am or who have a tolerance greater than mine is.
I first drank an entire glass of wine when I was 12 or 13 and I liked the buzz I got from it. Then at 14 I started to drink vodka my parents had that they didn't drink, and when I was 18 I had only drank half of the bottle. Through ages 15 through 20 I would sometimes drink beer or liquor with friends that we would get for parties or at live concerts. I also would have periods where I was not drinking; but I was not sober but I would just use other drugs like LSD (acid), psychedelic mushrooms, amphetamines (prescription, never meth), pharmaceutical opiates (oxycodone/hydrocodone/codeine-not heroin), and I tried coke once but did not really enjoy it. I never really mixed the other drugs but I sometimes would have periods of time when I would take them daily if I wanted to. But I stopped using all of those years/decades ago, and I do not really have a desire to use these drugs now.
I had a period in college where I was in my early 20s and I drank daily for about half a year. Yes I did black out at least once or maybe twice. I did not drive as I had no access to a car.
I did stop drinking daily. I slowly cut back and then quit. I also would smoke pot instead of drinking as I figured it was less harmful and it would not give me horrible hangovers. I know it was stupid to do this but I did not have any sort of withdrawal at all, and at the time I did not want people to know I had a problem with alcohol.
I did this over the summer before my last semester of college. I returned to college that fall and yes I did still drink but kept it to just the weekends and I would drink maybe 5-6 drinks or a bit more with friends at a bar throughout a night.
I did graduate from college, I was easily able to complete all my exams/papers/projects, etc. and get very high marks. I did however continue to drink until I was 29. Sometimes I would drink "normally" and only have 1-2 drinks in a night, and then not drink for awhile like months at a time to where when I did drink one or two standard measured shots of vodka would get me very drunk when sipped slowly.
Other times if I was on vacation with friends and we went to a bar, or I was at a party with friends and I was having fun I would get very drunk and have 6 drinks or more in a night.
Often times when I would drink I would get very anxious or feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.
Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night, and I would not drink at all for weeks or months after this.
I do sometimes have dreams about drinking but they're really random, happen out of nowhere, and I wake up feeling sort of confused about it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
When I was in college I would drink a few shots/mixed drinks, or beers at home alone and then go out to a bar and drink a lot more. It was a slow progression what started out as 1-2 drinks eventually became a lot more than that like consuming 12 or more drinks in a night, and I did wind up blacking out at least once or twice. I know it was stupid to do this and I should have sought medical attention at drinking this much but at the time I had no insurance, and I did not want my parents to know I was drinking so much.
Some of my friends I would drink with at bars, on vacation, or at live concerts are alcoholics and unless I was on vacation or at a bar and did not have to drive home I would not drink as much as they did and I would stop after 2-3 beers or mixed drinks, or just not drink at all.
Some of my friends I would drink with at bars, on vacation, or at live concerts are alcoholics and unless I was on vacation or at a bar and did not have to drive home I would not drink as much as they did and I would stop after 2-3 beers or mixed drinks, or just not drink at all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
I did wind up getting checked out by a medical doctor both at the height of my alcohol abuse, and during longterm sobriety. I am in excellent health, my liver and other organs are in excellent condition. I should exercise more (this really helped me when I quit drinking daily); but I eat a balanced diet and unlike when in college when I was getting drunk or stoned I don't eat as much take out food (pizza, Chinese/Japanese food, or sandwiches) and I eat regularly balanced meals unlike when I would drink and sometimes not eat or eat very little.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.
Its like your posting on an alcoholic recovery board with a stoey like that looking for what our permission for yout o have a glass of wine with dinner? People here to read that and go nah I see no issue there thats a totally normal drinker go forth and drink? Ask yourself these same questions when you read it and think it over.
Nothing and no ones stopping you from drinking. you dont need our permission. It sounds like you still are trying to figure out if you even have a problem? I dunno do you wanna go back to how life was? can you afford to test the waters with a drink? I bet i got another drink in me but i dunno that i got another recovery. I know another drink could be another decade it might not be too but its a pretty big risk.
Congrats on the 2+ years tho thats a good job. Its not easy doing that alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
It’s a strange disease where we self diagnose ourselves. I had many of your comparisons and was told to add the word YET= Your Eligible Too.
Also remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and if after a period of time not drinking, if we pick up we would be right back where we stopped AND worse.
BE WELL
Also remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and if after a period of time not drinking, if we pick up we would be right back where we stopped AND worse.
BE WELL
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
The fact that you are devoting this much mental energy for "a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year."
If you could have done so, normally, you would have done so. You haven't, so maybe you can't. Do you really want to test it?
If you could have done so, normally, you would have done so. You haven't, so maybe you can't. Do you really want to test it?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Non-problem-drinkers don't wonder. Moderators don't call it moderating. Problem drinkers do justify drinking from every angle, occasion, environment and put some time/effort into it. I knew I was an alcoholic at 20 and only addressed the alcohol part when it got real inconvenient and painful. You can get off this ride sooner than later. Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Yes. What are you going to do about it?
Truly, you're the only one who can decide if you've got a problem, but if alcohol is creating problems in your head or in your life, it'd be a good idea to get help. In my experience, normal folks don't ask the question...
Truly, you're the only one who can decide if you've got a problem, but if alcohol is creating problems in your head or in your life, it'd be a good idea to get help. In my experience, normal folks don't ask the question...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
OK I'm not going to drink. I do sometimes miss drinking though is this normal?
But then I look back and realize that this was one of the worst times of my life when I was drinking and abusing alcohol frequently.
But then I look back and realize that this was one of the worst times of my life when I was drinking and abusing alcohol frequently.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
From AA's Big Book, seems to fit here...
" Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. "
" Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. "
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The thing that finally convinced me I may have a problem with alcohol, is that "normal drinkers" or those without a problem, don't spend so much time thinking about alcohol and worrying about their drinking.
People go for a pint after work and then home to their family, they have 1 glass of wine with dinner and put the kids to bed etc etc, it doesn't enter their head to stress over volumes, types of drink, whether they should cut down.
Drinking is simply incorporated into their life, rather than being their life's obsession!!
People go for a pint after work and then home to their family, they have 1 glass of wine with dinner and put the kids to bed etc etc, it doesn't enter their head to stress over volumes, types of drink, whether they should cut down.
Drinking is simply incorporated into their life, rather than being their life's obsession!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
As the old expression goes, when in doubt, don't.
You sound a lot like me in many respects.
I got sober at age 31 and haven't looked back, except for an example of the type of life I don't want to have again.
The reality is that people who don't have a drinking problem don't have to go through mental gymnastics to ensure themselves that is the case.
My wife may have a glass of wine once every year or two, and she enjoys it.
She has never walked the same path as either you or me (with substances, abuse, etc.).
My life is way too good today for a drink of alcohol, no matter the circumstances (a glass of European wine or MD 2020) or how I may mentally romance it, to make it any better.
I hope you hang around, amigo.
You sound a lot like me in many respects.
I got sober at age 31 and haven't looked back, except for an example of the type of life I don't want to have again.
The reality is that people who don't have a drinking problem don't have to go through mental gymnastics to ensure themselves that is the case.
My wife may have a glass of wine once every year or two, and she enjoys it.
She has never walked the same path as either you or me (with substances, abuse, etc.).
My life is way too good today for a drink of alcohol, no matter the circumstances (a glass of European wine or MD 2020) or how I may mentally romance it, to make it any better.
I hope you hang around, amigo.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
If you are happy enough not drinkiong, why risk it. True you may be alcoholic and if that be the case the only known solution is total abstinence. You seem to have managed that very well under your own steam.
For verification I would hesitate to suggest the AA idea above, mainly because you have a good bit of time up and it sounds like it hasn't been too difficult for you.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, many say it progresses even though we are not drinking, and over time it always gets worse, never better. By definition, alcoholics have an incredibly difficult time staying stopped, some find it impossible. And it is impossible to know, if you were to try some controlled drinking, whether or not you might lose control, and if you did, whether you would be fortunate enough to recover. There are many stories on this site from people who had some significant sober time, then drank and found themselves unable to stop, suffering a great deal in the process.
If its not too difficult for you to stay sober and have a good life at the moment, why put that at risk?
For verification I would hesitate to suggest the AA idea above, mainly because you have a good bit of time up and it sounds like it hasn't been too difficult for you.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, many say it progresses even though we are not drinking, and over time it always gets worse, never better. By definition, alcoholics have an incredibly difficult time staying stopped, some find it impossible. And it is impossible to know, if you were to try some controlled drinking, whether or not you might lose control, and if you did, whether you would be fortunate enough to recover. There are many stories on this site from people who had some significant sober time, then drank and found themselves unable to stop, suffering a great deal in the process.
If its not too difficult for you to stay sober and have a good life at the moment, why put that at risk?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
If you are happy enough not drinkiong, why risk it. True you may be alcoholic and if that be the case the only known solution is total abstinence. You seem to have managed that very well under your own steam.
For verification I would hesitate to suggest the AA idea above, mainly because you have a good bit of time up and it sounds like it hasn't been too difficult for you.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, many say it progresses even though we are not drinking, and over time it always gets worse, never better. By definition, alcoholics have an incredibly difficult time staying stopped, some find it impossible. And it is impossible to know, if you were to try some controlled drinking, whether or not you might lose control, and if you did, whether you would be fortunate enough to recover. There are many stories on this site from people who had some significant sober time, then drank and found themselves unable to stop, suffering a great deal in the process.
If its not too difficult for you to stay sober and have a good life at the moment, why put that at risk?
For verification I would hesitate to suggest the AA idea above, mainly because you have a good bit of time up and it sounds like it hasn't been too difficult for you.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, many say it progresses even though we are not drinking, and over time it always gets worse, never better. By definition, alcoholics have an incredibly difficult time staying stopped, some find it impossible. And it is impossible to know, if you were to try some controlled drinking, whether or not you might lose control, and if you did, whether you would be fortunate enough to recover. There are many stories on this site from people who had some significant sober time, then drank and found themselves unable to stop, suffering a great deal in the process.
If its not too difficult for you to stay sober and have a good life at the moment, why put that at risk?
I have told my family that I was drinking a lot back then and they did know about me drinking a lot at bars with friends or while on vacation. They also knew about me drinking a lot in college even though I tried to hide it from them.
I talked to my mom about this and she said that since alcoholism runs on both sides of our family, not my immediate family like my parents or grandparents but uncles on both sides it would be best if I did not start to drink again or
Even if I am a "problem drinker" I don't really like what alcohol can do to me, or how it can make me feel sad, anxious, or depressed for days after I drink.
Problem Drinking vs. Alcoholism – Signs and Symptoms of a Problem Drinker
Alcohol Problem vs. Alcohol Dependency // OADE // University of Notre Dame
Almost Alcoholic: You Don’t Have to Be Alcoholic to Have a Drinking Problem
I still hang out with some of my alcoholic friends or friends I used to party with. The only thing is I don't drink or use anything with them, and in some cases if it was a wedding or bachelor party where there would be nothing but lots of drinking going on I just would not attend.
If I go to a bar I just order water, seltzer, or soda, and I don't stay there for most of the night like I used to in college.
It is rather difficult to find people who don't drink at all. It's not like in college where mostly everyone drank; but most people in my age group (early 30s) do drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,453
I think you'll find it easier to find non drinkers, or certainly 'normal drinkers' from here on in Fotographia - I found most people in their 30s and 40s and into their 50s tend to settle down and focus on family and career rather than carousing.
I'm really glad you decided not to drink. As for missing it - I missed it for a while..but the more I built a sober life I loved the less I missed drinking.
Drinking was a whole lot of negatives for me by the end. It would be insanity to re-open that door on the nice peaceful, authentically me kind of life I've built for myself now.
D
I'm really glad you decided not to drink. As for missing it - I missed it for a while..but the more I built a sober life I loved the less I missed drinking.
Drinking was a whole lot of negatives for me by the end. It would be insanity to re-open that door on the nice peaceful, authentically me kind of life I've built for myself now.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
I did not mention this but there was a period of time where I was using acid (LSD) daily. Yes it still does work.
Is it bad that I sometimes miss taking psychedelic drugs like LSD or mushrooms? I have not used any in decades and I preferred both in high doses.
I never got into MDMA/MDA as those drugs sounded scary or not like something I would enjoy, well MDA in moderate or high doses sounds interesting but MDMA or ecstasy sounds like not a fun time to me. But I have no desire to use either or really use other drugs that I used/abused.
Is it bad that I sometimes miss taking psychedelic drugs like LSD or mushrooms? I have not used any in decades and I preferred both in high doses.
I never got into MDMA/MDA as those drugs sounded scary or not like something I would enjoy, well MDA in moderate or high doses sounds interesting but MDMA or ecstasy sounds like not a fun time to me. But I have no desire to use either or really use other drugs that I used/abused.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,453
'Bad' is a subjective value.
There seems to be a lot you're missing tho...when we feel a loss or a void the natural response is to want to fill it.
I think that would make a lasting recovery harder.
It did for me for many years, especially when I was still hanging around the gang I used to get high or drink with.
All the elements were there...I just wasn't drinking or toking (never was much of a tripper)
All it took was one split second decision and I'd be back down that same road again...and again and again.
D
There seems to be a lot you're missing tho...when we feel a loss or a void the natural response is to want to fill it.
I think that would make a lasting recovery harder.
It did for me for many years, especially when I was still hanging around the gang I used to get high or drink with.
All the elements were there...I just wasn't drinking or toking (never was much of a tripper)
All it took was one split second decision and I'd be back down that same road again...and again and again.
D
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