Am I an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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I can't judge if it's bad or good, I just know that I sometimes feel grief over the loss of my addictions. I especially miss smoking weed. When my thoughts wander off into the future, the little voice starts to whisper lies like "you'll never be able to stay clean and sober for the long haul, you might as well party today" which is totally false. As long as I stay grounded in today I don't have to worry over what may or may not happen a week from now or a year from now or 10 years from now.
Right now I am sober, and I will be for the next 24 hours. And probably the day after that, and the day after that and the next day too.
Right now I am sober, and I will be for the next 24 hours. And probably the day after that, and the day after that and the next day too.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
I figured out that I'm not an alcoholic; but more of a problem drinker, and that if I wanted to like I have in the past I can moderate my drinking.
I did not drink any alcohol at all to come to this conclusion.
I originally quit drinking not because I was addicted but because a friend of mine died and I was not taking her death well, and drinking would not have helped.
At the time I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be a major alcoholic and hid their alcoholism from me, and they were into manipulation and made me question if I was an alcoholic or not, and for a short period of time I did believe them.
Then one day around Christmas they were making homemade eggnog, and they had put vanilla extract or possibly rum that they'd bought into my glass of it. I knew it was in there since I tasted it when I drank the small glass.
I did not get drunk and it just made me sleepy. I also did not crave alcohol or drink any of the alcohol in the house even when bottles of beer, wine, and liquor were sitting out or when one of our roommates bought beer and everyone else drank a bottle or two with a meal.
I also had been told by alcoholics that if you can go 30 days on your own without a drink that you're not an alcoholic.
I've gone 2 years and 2 months without alcohol, and I never went to AA/NA, detox/treatment, or anything like that.
I did figure out that when I was drinking a lot in the past that a lot of times it was because I would hang around friends who are heavy drinkers or alcoholics.
No I'm not going to suddenly start drinking again, and if I do drink I will drink only 1-2 drinks at the minimum, and with a meal with friends, since if I drink than that in an evening with friends at a party or bar I do not have an enjoyable time. I have done this in the past many times drinking only one drink or two with a meal, and if I drink in the future this is what I will do.
Right now I am going through some personal things and drinking would not help. So I am not going to drink, or use anything else.
I did not drink any alcohol at all to come to this conclusion.
I originally quit drinking not because I was addicted but because a friend of mine died and I was not taking her death well, and drinking would not have helped.
At the time I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be a major alcoholic and hid their alcoholism from me, and they were into manipulation and made me question if I was an alcoholic or not, and for a short period of time I did believe them.
Then one day around Christmas they were making homemade eggnog, and they had put vanilla extract or possibly rum that they'd bought into my glass of it. I knew it was in there since I tasted it when I drank the small glass.
I did not get drunk and it just made me sleepy. I also did not crave alcohol or drink any of the alcohol in the house even when bottles of beer, wine, and liquor were sitting out or when one of our roommates bought beer and everyone else drank a bottle or two with a meal.
I also had been told by alcoholics that if you can go 30 days on your own without a drink that you're not an alcoholic.
I've gone 2 years and 2 months without alcohol, and I never went to AA/NA, detox/treatment, or anything like that.
I did figure out that when I was drinking a lot in the past that a lot of times it was because I would hang around friends who are heavy drinkers or alcoholics.
No I'm not going to suddenly start drinking again, and if I do drink I will drink only 1-2 drinks at the minimum, and with a meal with friends, since if I drink than that in an evening with friends at a party or bar I do not have an enjoyable time. I have done this in the past many times drinking only one drink or two with a meal, and if I drink in the future this is what I will do.
Right now I am going through some personal things and drinking would not help. So I am not going to drink, or use anything else.
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I'm not sure how you can come to that conclusion after a week or two's deliberation.
That is to say, I came to that conclusion too, many times - it was events that made me drink...
I was wrong.
Turns out what made me drink was internal.
I was mistaking the triggers for the cause.
You've done a lot of ruminating here and in other threads about the highs you miss etc.
In all genuineness, I suggest you need to follow that particular rabbit hole down a little further before you make any grand declarations?
D
That is to say, I came to that conclusion too, many times - it was events that made me drink...
I was wrong.
Turns out what made me drink was internal.
I was mistaking the triggers for the cause.
You've done a lot of ruminating here and in other threads about the highs you miss etc.
In all genuineness, I suggest you need to follow that particular rabbit hole down a little further before you make any grand declarations?
D
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm not sure how you can come to that conclusion after a week or two's deliberation.
That is to say, I came to that conclusion too, many times - it was events that made me drink...
I was wrong.
Turns out what made me drink was internal.
I was mistaking the triggers for the cause.
You've done a lot of ruminating here and in other threads about the highs you miss etc.
In all genuineness, I suggest you need to follow that particular rabbit hole down a little further before you make any grand declarations?
D
That is to say, I came to that conclusion too, many times - it was events that made me drink...
I was wrong.
Turns out what made me drink was internal.
I was mistaking the triggers for the cause.
You've done a lot of ruminating here and in other threads about the highs you miss etc.
In all genuineness, I suggest you need to follow that particular rabbit hole down a little further before you make any grand declarations?
D
I tried to edit my last post but it would not let me.
By addicted I mean physically addicted and psychologically addicted as well.
I do sometimes miss the taste of some alcohols like certain beers or wine; but that's more obsession and I do have issues with obsession at times.
I would sometimes binge as I wrote in my first post but this was when I would be at a party, bar, or hanging out with friends who drink.
Right before I did quit drinking I would only drink on weekends, and keep the alcohol to a minimum and not drink a large amount of alcohol all at once like I have at bars, or at parties with friends.
As I posted earlier I am not going to be drinking anytime soon as it would not help with personal issues I am having.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
A lot of people seem to compartmentalise their addictions - 'I'm ok on x or y but not z.'
I prefer the holistic approach - it matches my experience...
I was the problem.
I drank or got high to fill a void in me...if z was not available, x or y would do just as well.
To really get into recovery I needed to stop trying to fill that void, and heal it instead.
That's whats worked for me...your mileage may vary, as they say
D
I prefer the holistic approach - it matches my experience...
I was the problem.
I drank or got high to fill a void in me...if z was not available, x or y would do just as well.
To really get into recovery I needed to stop trying to fill that void, and heal it instead.
That's whats worked for me...your mileage may vary, as they say
D
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Yemassee, SC
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by fotographia
OK I'm not going to drink. I do sometimes miss drinking though is this normal?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Oklahoma City
Posts: 9
Personally I think if you are able to control your drinking to the point where its only every once and a while and only one or two drinks then you aren't an alcoholic. It's not uncommon at all to go through a period of heavy drinking in college or your twenties and then moderate naturally later in life. Alcoholics have to stop cold turkey and can usually not decrease the consumption down to what is considered "moderate" on their own. The question I would ask yourself is this. Could you have only one drink and be completely satisfied with that? True alcoholics can try to limit themselves but its mental torture to not be able to have as many drinks as they would really like. In fact, from the perception of the alcoholic, its more enjoyable to not drink at all than to limit it to one or two drinks.
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Originally Posted by bchris02
Personally I think if you are able to control your drinking to the point where its only every once and a while and only one or two drinks then you aren't an alcoholic. It's not uncommon at all to go through a period of heavy drinking in college or your twenties and then moderate naturally later in life. Alcoholics have to stop cold turkey and can usually not decrease the consumption down to what is considered "moderate" on their own. The question I would ask yourself is this. Could you have only one drink and be completely satisfied with that? True alcoholics can try to limit themselves but its mental torture to not be able to have as many drinks as they would really like. In fact, from the perception of the alcoholic, its more enjoyable to not drink at all than to limit it to one or two drinks.
It turns out I am not an alcoholic, or drug addict at all.
It turns out I was convinced/manipulated into thinking I am an alcoholic by an ex of mine who actually is an alcoholic and opiate/benzo addict. My ex actually once gave me a drink he made that he put alcohol into that I did not know had alcohol until I drank it, and it just made me feel sleepy and I took a nap after 30 mins. I did not drink any more alcohol or accept any more drinks from him.
I had abused alcohol and other drugs in the past, as a teenager/young adult, but I have no desire to use/abuse them now.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 201
I'll play the tape forward for you. I had a chunk of time sober and decided I was only a problem drinker. I slowly went back. First a beer or two here and there but very quickly right back where it was before. The truth was, I couldn't control my drinking and once I started, a new part of me takes over that wants to drink and drink until I blackout or get sick. Did I drink that much every time I drank? No. But on the times that I did "moderate", I was just thinking, obsessing and wishing to have more and get good and drunk. Even when I do moderate, I don't enjoy it. I don't drink to get a little tipsy. I drink to get drunk.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by fotographia
It turns out I am not an alcoholic, or drug addict at all.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by fotographia
OK I'm not going to drink. I do sometimes miss drinking though is this normal?
But then I look back and realize that this was one of the worst times of my life when I was drinking and abusing alcohol frequently.
But then I look back and realize that this was one of the worst times of my life when I was drinking and abusing alcohol frequently.
You clearly don't miss the rest as noted in your second sentence.
And there is always "the rest."
Great job on two years.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by LateBloominCait
I'll play the tape forward for you. I had a chunk of time sober and decided I was only a problem drinker. I slowly went back. First a beer or two here and there but very quickly right back where it was before. The truth was, I couldn't control my drinking and once I started, a new part of me takes over that wants to drink and drink until I blackout or get sick. Did I drink that much every time I drank? No. But on the times that I did "moderate", I was just thinking, obsessing and wishing to have more and get good and drunk. Even when I do moderate, I don't enjoy it. I don't drink to get a little tipsy. I drink to get drunk.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
This was so me.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by LateBloominCait
I'll play the tape forward for you. I had a chunk of time sober and decided I was only a problem drinker. I slowly went back. First a beer or two here and there but very quickly right back where it was before. The truth was, I couldn't control my drinking and once I started, a new part of me takes over that wants to drink and drink until I blackout or get sick. Did I drink that much every time I drank? No. But on the times that I did "moderate", I was just thinking, obsessing and wishing to have more and get good and drunk. Even when I do moderate, I don't enjoy it. I don't drink to get a little tipsy. I drink to get drunk.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.
You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
If I were in danger of a relapse, I would have relapsed when I was with my ex and he gave me a drink that had a lot of alcohol in it and at the time I did not know this until after I drank it, as living with him was not fun at times and he would create stress/drama out of nowhere. I also could have easily smoked cannabis (weed, pot, marijuana), or taken opiate pills and I did not do this either.
Also, just because you are an alcoholic/addict that does not mean that everyone who drinks or has consumed alcohol or other drugs in excess during a period of their life is an alcoholic or drug addict. What you're doing is called projection.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Posts: 163
Originally Posted by WinterThunder
Yes, it's normal to miss the "fun" parts.
You clearly don't miss the rest as noted in your second sentence.
And there is always "the rest."
Great job on two years.
You clearly don't miss the rest as noted in your second sentence.
And there is always "the rest."
Great job on two years.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by Sohard
I really hope you're right. I really, really do. It's just hard for me to believe anyone without an alcohol or drug problem would devote this much time to thinking about it and finding a recovery website about it and writing about it. If you are right and you truly don't have an alcohol problem and this was just all some kooky thing you were manipulated into believing, then you might have other issues (no offense meant) that therapy would help with. I say that as someone who has very much benefited from therapy herself!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by fotographia
Thanks, actually yes I am seeing a therapist, and I did not go into lots of details here about my past, or about what I discuss with the therapist, but through therapy I discovered how despite using alcohol and other drugs as a teenager/young adult I am not an alcoholic or drug addict, and that what my ex who is an alcoholic/addict did was all about manipulation/control over me.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
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Originally Posted by fotographia
OK before I write my post let me say this:
I have 2 years and 2 months of sobriety. I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.
I have not been to any AA or NA meetings because in the small town I live in some people who I know who do go to meetings said how some people there can't keep their mouths shut about who they have seen at meetings, and some of the people at local AA/NA meetings just go because the court told them to and they don't take the group or the message seriously, or they go to meet other people they drink or use drugs with.
I quit drinking because I wanted to before I was 30, and I was told that if I continued to drink it may have possibly gotten worse for me like it does for a lot of people. I did wind up meeting people who are in their 60s who have abused alcohol for decades, who are physically addicted, and I told myself I did not want to wind up like that.
Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.
When I would drink I never would get really drunk on wine or go crazy with it, like I did with beer or liquor-with beer or liquor I would sometimes drink it all very fast and drink a lot of it at once. I grew up drinking a small glass of wine with a meal and I've seen lots of people get really drunk on it sometimes to the point of drinking so much they vomit or black out but that's never happened to me. When I would drink wine I would just drink 1 or two standard sized glasses with a meal, or while eating and I would only drink wine either a few times a year, or a few times a month.
But, I am not sure if I were to drink now I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and two months ago, I would drink 5 or more drinks in a night both alone chatting online with friends, but if I was at home alone I would not drink more than 5-6 drinks.
But when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home I would go crazy drinking a lot at once. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night drinking with friends who were larger in weight than I am or who have a tolerance greater than mine is.
I first drank an entire glass of wine when I was 12 or 13 and I liked the buzz I got from it. Then at 14 I started to drink vodka my parents had that they didn't drink, and when I was 18 I had only drank half of the bottle. Through ages 15 through 20 I would sometimes drink beer or liquor with friends that we would get for parties or at live concerts. I also would have periods where I was not drinking; but I was not sober but I would just use other drugs like LSD (acid), psychedelic mushrooms, amphetamines (prescription, never meth), pharmaceutical opiates (oxycodone/hydrocodone/codeine-not heroin), and I tried coke once but did not really enjoy it. I never really mixed the other drugs but I sometimes would have periods of time when I would take them daily if I wanted to. But I stopped using all of those years/decades ago, and I do not really have a desire to use these drugs now.
I had a period in college where I was in my early 20s and I drank daily for about half a year. Yes I did black out at least once or maybe twice. I did not drive as I had no access to a car.
I did stop drinking daily. I slowly cut back and then quit. I also would smoke pot instead of drinking as I figured it was less harmful and it would not give me horrible hangovers. I know it was stupid to do this but I did not have any sort of withdrawal at all, and at the time I did not want people to know I had a problem with alcohol.
I did this over the summer before my last semester of college. I returned to college that fall and yes I did still drink but kept it to just the weekends and I would drink maybe 5-6 drinks or a bit more with friends at a bar throughout a night.
I did graduate from college, I was easily able to complete all my exams/papers/projects, etc. and get very high marks. I did however continue to drink until I was 29. Sometimes I would drink "normally" and only have 1-2 drinks in a night, and then not drink for awhile like months at a time to where when I did drink one or two standard measured shots of vodka would get me very drunk when sipped slowly.
Other times if I was on vacation with friends and we went to a bar, or I was at a party with friends and I was having fun I would get very drunk and have 6 drinks or more in a night.
Often times when I would drink I would get very anxious or feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.
Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night, and I would not drink at all for weeks or months after this.
I do sometimes have dreams about drinking but they're really random, happen out of nowhere, and I wake up feeling sort of confused about it.
I have 2 years and 2 months of sobriety. I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.
I have not been to any AA or NA meetings because in the small town I live in some people who I know who do go to meetings said how some people there can't keep their mouths shut about who they have seen at meetings, and some of the people at local AA/NA meetings just go because the court told them to and they don't take the group or the message seriously, or they go to meet other people they drink or use drugs with.
I quit drinking because I wanted to before I was 30, and I was told that if I continued to drink it may have possibly gotten worse for me like it does for a lot of people. I did wind up meeting people who are in their 60s who have abused alcohol for decades, who are physically addicted, and I told myself I did not want to wind up like that.
Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.
When I would drink I never would get really drunk on wine or go crazy with it, like I did with beer or liquor-with beer or liquor I would sometimes drink it all very fast and drink a lot of it at once. I grew up drinking a small glass of wine with a meal and I've seen lots of people get really drunk on it sometimes to the point of drinking so much they vomit or black out but that's never happened to me. When I would drink wine I would just drink 1 or two standard sized glasses with a meal, or while eating and I would only drink wine either a few times a year, or a few times a month.
But, I am not sure if I were to drink now I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and two months ago, I would drink 5 or more drinks in a night both alone chatting online with friends, but if I was at home alone I would not drink more than 5-6 drinks.
But when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home I would go crazy drinking a lot at once. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night drinking with friends who were larger in weight than I am or who have a tolerance greater than mine is.
I first drank an entire glass of wine when I was 12 or 13 and I liked the buzz I got from it. Then at 14 I started to drink vodka my parents had that they didn't drink, and when I was 18 I had only drank half of the bottle. Through ages 15 through 20 I would sometimes drink beer or liquor with friends that we would get for parties or at live concerts. I also would have periods where I was not drinking; but I was not sober but I would just use other drugs like LSD (acid), psychedelic mushrooms, amphetamines (prescription, never meth), pharmaceutical opiates (oxycodone/hydrocodone/codeine-not heroin), and I tried coke once but did not really enjoy it. I never really mixed the other drugs but I sometimes would have periods of time when I would take them daily if I wanted to. But I stopped using all of those years/decades ago, and I do not really have a desire to use these drugs now.
I had a period in college where I was in my early 20s and I drank daily for about half a year. Yes I did black out at least once or maybe twice. I did not drive as I had no access to a car.
I did stop drinking daily. I slowly cut back and then quit. I also would smoke pot instead of drinking as I figured it was less harmful and it would not give me horrible hangovers. I know it was stupid to do this but I did not have any sort of withdrawal at all, and at the time I did not want people to know I had a problem with alcohol.
I did this over the summer before my last semester of college. I returned to college that fall and yes I did still drink but kept it to just the weekends and I would drink maybe 5-6 drinks or a bit more with friends at a bar throughout a night.
I did graduate from college, I was easily able to complete all my exams/papers/projects, etc. and get very high marks. I did however continue to drink until I was 29. Sometimes I would drink "normally" and only have 1-2 drinks in a night, and then not drink for awhile like months at a time to where when I did drink one or two standard measured shots of vodka would get me very drunk when sipped slowly.
Other times if I was on vacation with friends and we went to a bar, or I was at a party with friends and I was having fun I would get very drunk and have 6 drinks or more in a night.
Often times when I would drink I would get very anxious or feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.
Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night, and I would not drink at all for weeks or months after this.
I do sometimes have dreams about drinking but they're really random, happen out of nowhere, and I wake up feeling sort of confused about it.
but people who have no issue with alcohol don't have to ask these questions.
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