Aellyce

I relate to this, too, but a little differently. The part about looking for one on one relationships (all kinds) definitely. What I've bolded: I actually had a series of experiences with a similar scenario except that I was on the other end of the construct. Running into people who idealized me far beyond realistic and who expected their life, their world to be changed by having a relationship with me. Or directly, expected me to change it actively. I did try to stand up to this role several times, but I think it's something inevitably doomed to fail. On both ends. It's not based in reality and on realistic expectations, it's fantasy land. Idealism is good, but with moderation

KAD

Or maybe a more basic reason is that when we're drunk or stoned, it's much simpler to pretend we're something more complex and enigmatic if we're not being physically observed. Doesn't mean we aren't complex and enigmatic, it just becomes apparent to even the dimmest observer when someone is physically too blotto to stand up straight!

Misery does love company, doesn't it?

Aellyce

Yes certainly it's a projected image, even if part of the image is realistic (eg. I think my drunken rambles reflected my mental world very well, they were not constructed but rather spontaneous and uncensored). I don't think it was pretense for me, I just (sometimes) hid the reason behind what the receiver might have perceived as "complex and enigmatic", and interesting (drunk). This is why, I think, I got the feedback from some of my old friends after I sobered up that I became boring and too normal, what's wrong with me. I don't think it has anything to do with complexity, more with being edgy or not that much. I prefer the "not that much".

Alright maybe enough, don't want to start a discussion on authenticity now