drunkfish

Hello everyone, I just made an account. I'm in a situation that if I don't stop drinking my husband will probably leave me. I feel hopeless and alone, and am glad I found a place to talk to other people who may understand. I've been drinking for 10 years, and I'm 26 years old. I rely on alcohol to enjoy the situation I'm in and too relax. Without it I'm a grumpy mess. I really want to change my outlook on life and be able to live my life without this crutch that makes everything worse in the end. I wish I knew how to go about changing the way I think. I'm looking forward to reading other people's posts, and trying to help. I don't feel like I have emotions anymore. I lie to myself even in order to drink. What is going on? My husband thinks I don't love him and that alcohol is more important then he is. I don't want to put him through any more of this

soberjuly

hi drunkfish lol...I think you should re-post this in the "Newcomers to Recovery" thread. I am almost 2 months sober and that is where most of us newbies hang out.

Welcome, and I can attest that, for one, I know how you feel and where you are coming from and, for two, you think without the alcohol you are a grumpy mess, but it is probably your alcoholic brain that is making you a grumpy mess without it. You need to break the cycle and get the addiction out of your brain chemistry before you will realize this.

I also thought alcohol was helping me, but I now realize it was just robbing me of my time, my health and my looks.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in and it seems like there's only one way out-to stop drinking.
Alcohol was my crutch, too. I felt I enjoyed life more when I was drinking. But then I crossed that thin line into alcoholism. And drinking took over my life.
I was a mess drunk and I was a mess sober, which wasn't often
I found once I got some sober time behind me, everything changed. I still had my ups and downs, but they were manageable without alcohol.
I, too, had a lot to lose if I didn't quit. It took me a long time to realize this just like it took me a long time for alcohol to become the biggest thing in my life.

Maybe you can show your husband you do care about him by stopping. I know that sounds easy, but I did it and I drank for twenty years.
You'll find lots of support here. And I hope you give in and say alcohol has won, I surrender. That's what it took for me.
Best to you.

drunkfish

Hey soberjuly, thanks for the advice, I'll be re-posting this. I sure hope it's my alcoholic brain and not just me. Congrats on two months sober, that must be an amazing feeling. I haven't gotten through one month in the 10 years I've been drinking...I've probably tried at least 100 times,lol.

Sudz No More

You can achieve if you believe. First and foremost you have to want it for yourself before it is ever going to matter. Once you get passed to initial physical cravings start focusing on the mental cravings because they will be the ones that trick you into a relapse. Get a few months in beyond these mental cravings and you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there and don't give in during the first couple weeks when you are at your weakest. If you hold on long enough you will make it, believe in yourself, you can do it.

Mrrryah1

Hey drunkfish.

I'm a 27 year old female - been drinking for 14 years. Have caused such a path of destruction. Hurt all of the people who care about me. All for what. This - liquid in this bottle???

My fiance also accuses me of loving alcohol more than I love him. The sad part is - he's threatened to leave me if I don't stop drinking before, and that never stopped me. So I can't really blame him for thinking that

But we suffer from a disease - we aren't bad people - even though we may feel like we are, down to our very core.

Glad you are here and joined SR! Are you thinking about anything like AA/meetings? They've really helped me.

drunkfish

The mental cravings are what get me. It's like I have two personalities, and the one that wants to drink convinces the one that doesn't want to drink to drink...every time. I've gotta ditch that other voice in my head, it doesn't care what happens to me, just that it wants alcohol. I will get through this, I know I can do it!!!!

drunkfish

I've thought about AA, and I have gone to one meeting in the past. I just think it's not right for me, and I don't want to sit around and wallow in my own self pity too often...that just makes me want to drink. Or maybe that's just an excuse not to go, who knows.

Mrrryah1

All I know is that I couldn't quit drinking alone. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience at a meeting. That sucks. I've had a few bad experiences, but most of all they were positive. Usually when I go to a meeting I come out feeling revitalized & positive!

I totally get the mental arguing. That is totally characteristic of us alky's. It's like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

The mental arguing is worse than the after affects of drinking I find. It drives me INSANE - I HATE IT.

AA & sobriety time helps with that though - it really does get better.

Stick with it!

robgt350

drunk fish,
welcome, this is a great place. it helped me so much with my addicition to alcohol. i did what you said, i come here and read the forums too. i also join the chat room and talk to people with alcohol addictions.
i am like you my spouse was about to leave me due to my drinking and i did not want to that to happen.

Sudz No More

This is one concern I have raised with myself in the past. Too much focusing on not drinking is still thinking about drinking. You need to get yourself to a place where alcohol doesn't matter to you anymore. A place where you rarely think about it and never want to. Attending daily meetings while helpful in the beginning can start to be detrimental for some of us. Of course you will find many here that disagree with that line of thinking. A lot of people feel the need to go often and connect with the facts. I believe it is ultimately up to what the individual feels is best for them.

Didit

Hi Drunkfish and Welcome!!

So glad to see that you can see you have a problem, at such a young age! When I was 27, I did not care who left whom...and married 4 times! I drank for 40 years, except for 27 months of pregnancies (3 children)...and I dragged all 3 kids along my path of destruction and dysfunction!!

My son died at the age of 22 from this disease, and my 2 daughters do not drink at all!! My son would have been 27 now! I miss him SO much! It is hard to stay sober after losing a child!! VERY hard!

If I take one more drink I die of liver failure, and my brother is 52 and has only 20% heart function due to alcoholism...It is a heart disease called alcoholic cardiomyopathy...hearts and livers, and other vital organs is what will get if you continue staggering the path!!

Give AA another shot...I am going to 90 meetings in 90 days! The people at my meetings are very nice, and none of them wear trenchcoats!

Do it for yourself!! Your hubby will like it!!

matt4x4

"I'm in a situation that if I don't stop drinking my husband will probably leave me. ...... I've been drinking for 10 years, and I'm 26 years old. I rely on alcohol to enjoy the situation I'm in and too relax."

So, you enjoy the situation and relax when drinking, yet your husband wants to leave you. Something doesnt fit, you either have problems when you drink, or you dont. You drink too much aka alcoholicly or your a social drinker and the problems lay elsewhere!

zjw

I had to change the way i was thinking one step at a time. You know how you should make the right choice but who wants to do that? well I had to make the right choice like it or onot I had to try and focus on ANYTHING that was positive like it or not and i had to keep doing this like it or not. Eventually things started to sink in and stick and new habits where formed and new outlooks on life created.

Your husband wonders if alcohol is more important then him? Is it? if he walked out the door would you be able to stop then? is that what it would take? would you want it to go that far? I can say in my case if my wife wondered if alcohol was more important then her she would have been right it was she coulda walked ou thte door and i woulda been right behind her headed too the liquor store for some more booze! In my case yes i put alcohol ahead of all of them it was more important sadly. But lucky for me i never let it get so bad as having marital problems over it tho it was getting close.

zjw

I thought the same things. I also figured what better trigger to hit a bar then to sit around talking about booze for an hour. I figured for sure i'd hit my favorite bar on the way home after my first meeting. But i didnt.

I'm not a die hard AA person. I go now and then. But I think its helpful and I should have gone sooner then later. Drag yourself in there more often at the very least even if you dont want to go. Do what ever you can to get yourself sober. If AA isnt working immediatly try something else dont just use it as an excuse to go drink.

remeber in order to get sober there are so many things we can try and we can fail and we can sucede but while we try all these things and have our ups and downs one thing isnt a choice and thats drinking. Its not a choice if your an alcoholic and you do it and its not an option available if your trying to get sober it wont fix anything.

Dee74

Welcome to SR drunkfish

It's not mandatory to go to AA or any other rrecovery group for that matter - but I do think it's important to do something...even if it's posting here everyday.

I put a lot of effort into drinking...I'm sure you did too...it's vital to actively work on our recovery as well

D