ESD907

Hello again. I'm been thinking much more about sobriety since coming to SR. I quit drinking w/o any plan, w/o any guidance w/o anyone besides myself even knowing I no longer drink. I came here to SR after I'd quit for approx 22 months.

The more I read here, the more afraid I'm becoming of relapsing. Should I have a plan in place? I never read a book. I"ve always been very private about most things. It is so nice to be here to be honest and sometimes vent and talk to people who understand this addiction.

My only plan was to not drink this morning. then not drink till after dinner. Then not till tomorrow. I've learned a lot here, mostly I'm not so different. Odd because my dad quit, but he used AA, and he went till the week he died, so its not as though I had no example. I just don't think its me. I did attend al anon as a kid though.

I have no plan to ever drink again, thats for sure. I don't think of it very much at all anymore. But I really haven't been tested very much. I'm not around alcohol at all. Do I need to know the why? hows? etc of why I drank? or let sleeping dogs lie? Thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to share.

FeenixxRising

IMO, thoughts of relapse are your addictive voice (AV). It's saying you can't possibly stop and stay stopped without some sort of elaborate, time-consuming plan. But you did stop on your own, and you did it without a plan.

IMO this idea that "you will relapse" if you don't do take certain steps comes from recovery industry dogma.

I recommend Rational Recovery's AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). It should help you understand why the fears of relapse are unfounded. Feel free to PM me if you would like more information. Best of all, it's a simple, secular thinking technique that does not require meetings, Steps or interaction with others.

PurpleKnight

The aim of the exercise is to not put alcohol to your lips today, that's the goal, alcohol was affecting our lives, the goal therefore is to successfully take alcohol out of our lives!!

The means, the ins and outs, the whys are not important, if you are Sober, execute the same outcome tomorrow, then you are doing it, you are living it!!

Consider this, not being around alcohol is actually a great plan, I don't mean that in a flippant way, but seriously some people struggle with that concept and still expect to remain Sober!!

Greedy

I can only offer what I know of my own experiences, I dont know anything about what works for others.

Quite simply the only times ive been able to link together more than a couple months of sobriety is when i've spent time supporting and being supported by other recovering alkies.

Ive thought I was 'cured' in the past and drifted away from AA after a couple of years sobriety. Maybe cured isnt the right word but I decided i'd learned enough to do it alone, I was wrong, I was drunk a couple months later, for another couple of years.

Sudz No More

To me, it sounds like you're doing just fine. I would just say "Don't Ever Forget" but it seems that you won't so good for you. Keep at it soldier, I'm following right behind you.

Gottalife

22 months is a pretty amazing achievement under your own power. I wasn't clear if your not drinking in the morning plan was how you got sober, or whether that continues to be your daily plan. I would imagine, if you weren't alcoholic, that stopping drinking for as long as you have should have cleared up all the related problems, and you should just carry on with your life.

But if that is a description of your daily plan, for me, that would be very tiring. If your thoughts are still focussed on drinking or not drinking, then perhaps your alcoholism, if that's what you have, is still untreated. Here is a little list of symptoms which might give you a clue as to whether more needs to be done.

"We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living,
we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear, we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people ".
Add restless, irritable and discontent and we have a pretty good picture of life dry rather than recovered.

Does this kind fit or are you leading a happy, fulfilling life?

LBrain

I come to SR every day. My signature line is a reminder to me. I know that I should never drink again. I made a promise to myself that I won't.
The truth is, I just don't drink period. No debate.

ESD907

Please keep these opinions coming, they are all wonderful at this point. I have to go now, but will be up at 5a.m. (ish) -- I appreciate them, all are thought out and kind. I will most likely put some of all to use. & to just answer one question GOTTALIFE, yup, when I first quit, my plan was basically to go hour to hour, and then it was sort of morning till eve till next morning. Then it was tomorrow. Then it was next week. I just knew if I strung enough together, I'd feel a sense of accomplishment and not want to fail. Goodnight.

jaynie04

ESD….the voice in your head sounds like the voice of my old therapist (I fired her..). She was adamant that I would relapse without a formal program. Interestingly, I am the daughter of an old timer too. I do wonder if there is going to be positive generational fallout from the fact that people like you and me knew where we were headed because of our parents, but also knew that life without alcohol was also doable.

I haven't struggled. I am not cocky, but I know that I am definitely an alcoholic, and since I can't drink the way I want to drink without ruining the good things in my life, sobriety is a natural consequence.

I won't hesitate to change up my game if I start to waver, but what I am doing is working well. SR has only reinforced my stance that there are different ways to get sober and that what matters is finding out what works best for you. I have learned to honor my inner voice, no one knows me better than me.

It sounds like you know yourself, in my opinion sobriety works best when we lean into what harmonizes with who we are.

Soberwolf

I wish I knew how to post what dee told me changed everything in a heartbeat

But it went like this

Me: I'm scared of relapsing I never want to drink again I'm calm when i think of being sober forever it makes me happy I can't relapse

Dee: Relapse is part of my addiction not part of my recovery

I'll never ever forget that comment

And basically I took it as yeah it could happen if I wanted it to but if I didn't want it to it wouldn't happen either


Wish dee was here to explain lol

bigsombrero

"Dance with the one that brung ya"

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it"

"If it looks like recovery, and feels like recovery...."

I could go on and on. Your plan sounds like it's working for you. Don't drink today. Many people have stayed sober for 50 years with that philosophy. Keep it simple. No need to overthink this one. All the best!

freshstart57

I don't see how or where you said that your thoughts were consumed with the consumption of alcohol on a daily basis, nor that you are having trouble making a living, are a prey to misery and depression, or any of that other stuff.

Maybe the issue is not untreated alcoholism whatever that is. 'The more I read here, the more afraid I am of relapsing'. Maybe you are coming to believe this stuff that is completely irrelevant to you. Maybe it is even harmful.

I think you sound solid and secure in your sobriety. Part of that security is identifying that AV, those thoughts that bring doubt in your ability to remain sober. Learn to identify it in yourself, and in others too. Your instincts are true, believe in them, and in yourself. Congratulations on your sobriety, and your success. Onward!

Tonymblue

Great post. I did like the AVRT. It made sense. I am beginning to understand my addiction voice. When it gets uppetty i just remind myself of what it is, take a step back then go forward.

Amajorityofone

Aristotole once said that excellence is not an "event." It is a habit. We are, what we repeatedly do.

Thus, my plan is childishly simple.

"No matter what happens or how I feel, not today."

That's it!
Cut and dry.

Shrink the goal down to its lowest common denominator. Make it childishly achievable and then, and here's the key, repeat it to yourself everyday. Get out of bed, brush your teeth, take a shower, not today...etcetera etcetera...

If you do that, sooner rather than later the will to remain sober will become the disposition to remain clean and sober.

Hope this helps

Verte

Eyes open. Bravely move forward. Grab that fear, push it out and behind you. Take a look around at the things that feel good in your life, sans alcohol. All the things that are good and have not a thing to do with the consumption of alcohol. This is what you have created and brought to your life.

ESD, like jumping off the high dive as a kid for the very first time. Pick a point on the horizon and go for it with all your heart. Knowing that this simple achievement feels great and is moving you forward. Keep going for it.

The reality of my problem with alcohol hit me as I contemplated bringing something new and great into my life. Down to my core I have the capacity to consistently achieve things that feel real and genuinely good. But with alcohol in the picture there would be the constant internal struggle and dialogue - a totally unnecessary expenditure of brain power. Drinking brings a potential for inflicting great damage to many people other than myself. Am I capable of keeping good things in my life? Yes, absolutely. But with alcohol there are zero guarantees - a total crap shoot and the thrill is just gone. End of story.

"No matter what happens or how I feel, not today" - majorityofone. Excellent. I love this 'childishly simple' plan. It really works!

Great thread ESD A lot of excellent sentiments.

ESD907

I'd like to take a minute to thank everyone again, for great ideas and advice. Because I'm basically (lazy in a lot of things) my fav advice is keep doing what you are doing, the sort of if it ain't broke, don't fix it advice. Thats my 1st instinct. And I belive it is probably more in my line of thinking. I also like the AVRT. Jaynie04, sounds like we have parallel lives in some ways. I'd like to discuss it with you, if you are game. There is so much, and I do find it difficult to simply read, I am going to the library at some point today or Sat and I'm printing all of this out (If able, I don't know if there are constraints on this site or not, I've never tried)..hopefully can read everything on hard copy. I'm old school that way. Still like books with pages.

Any more ideas, keep them rolling in. I'm willing to look at everything with an open mind. I realize how little I actually know about the world the older I get. Funny, how smart I was at 20, and how dumb at 49.

I don't have many friends anymore, lucky enough to have nearby siblings, but all men, so its not quite the same, and I can't talk to them about any of this, well guess I could, but I don't. So I appreciate you all more than you'll proably ever know.

Today would have been my moms b'day. Gone 2 years, and it breaks myheart. And Joan Rivers was her favorite. She loved that Fashion Police. She used to see Joan's act years and years ago. Always liked her. So yesterday and then today, sort of choked me up a bit. My mom was a straight arrow, who I believe was the greatest woman on earth. (of course I'm biased). And I could cry daily that she's gone, I don't. Becaue #1 she'd hate it. #2. I'm not wasting my time on something I can't change.

So, again, thanks..And I"ll be updating and reading..

jdooner

I have not read the responses thus far. I quit in '96 and then returned to an active mindset for the subsequent 17 years. Most were fine, except for the last few, which was a spiral to hell - it can happen quickly - at least it did for me.

My relapse if we want to call it that is because I convinced myself I was not a true alcoholic. I also did not have a plan in place and work that program - whatever it may be.

I participate in AA and I agree with some parts and abhor other parts. I have also made a Big Plan and read the RR books. I see a therapist that specializes in addiction weekly too. I have been sober just over a year and this was/is my first quit since '96.

I have zero pull towards alcohol - its not some magic force that is going to make a bottle pour a drink and get into my body. Alcohol has no power over my now that I am recovered. However, I need to work a program because should I let my mind convince myself that I was never really an alcoholic or given the success I perceived I have had then I could control my drinking, well all bets would be off.

Unlike you, I did tell everyone around me because I find being totally honest is very core to my recovery, which goes way beyond just the drinks and drugs. Some agree, some disagree but I want the accountability. I want everyone to know how bad it got for me (nobody really knew) and if they see me with a drink they know its like judging a loaded gun. This also goes to the willingness - I am willing to do just about anything to remain sober including being open about what I don't know.

AA is not that only game in town and it works for some and does not work for many more. I find it works best when other options have been exhausted and not worked. At the core AA is about total deflation and rebuilding a new set of ideals.

Good luck.

matt4x4

-------> Most victories happen with a plan of action!!!!!!!!!!!!!