You've got to want to give up (and prefer being sober)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 69
You've got to want to give up (and prefer being sober)
I'm sure you are all familiar with the age old term 'you've got to want to give up yourself'. Well I am in no doubt that that is true but the more I've looked at my own situation the more I am inclined to believe that once you've become sober you've ultimately got to prefer being sober than being drunk. If this is not the case I think this will inevitably lead to failure due to basic human nature. Initially I don't think I did want to get sober. Now, to take that a step further I think to enable that enjoyment requires a sustainable and positive recovery programme, be it what suits you. I have created my own which involves a lot of reading on the subject of alcoholism, I have tried meetings but they weren't for me but I do get a lot from SR. I can honestly say that I prefer my life now I am sober and I feel fortunate for that. I hope people can relate to this.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 86
I think that is very true.
I do think for most, there's an initial "hump" to get through to get there. For me, after I got sober, there was almost a sense of loss and mourning for the "life" I had previously had. I had to walk away from some of my friends, and many activities.
Now that I've gotten over the hump, it's very clear that looking back on those times, they weren't really that great. In most all cases, they were pretty awful. And now, in sobriety, I'm actually doing all of those things I had talked about and dreamt about when I was drinking.
And they don't have to be crazy big huge dreams, just little things: "I'd like to go there for a little vacation", or "I'd like to get back into photography.". Things that are attainable, and now I do them without even thinking about it.
It's a much better way to live! But you need to keep on top of it, because this disease is always waiting to pull you back down.
I do think for most, there's an initial "hump" to get through to get there. For me, after I got sober, there was almost a sense of loss and mourning for the "life" I had previously had. I had to walk away from some of my friends, and many activities.
Now that I've gotten over the hump, it's very clear that looking back on those times, they weren't really that great. In most all cases, they were pretty awful. And now, in sobriety, I'm actually doing all of those things I had talked about and dreamt about when I was drinking.
And they don't have to be crazy big huge dreams, just little things: "I'd like to go there for a little vacation", or "I'd like to get back into photography.". Things that are attainable, and now I do them without even thinking about it.
It's a much better way to live! But you need to keep on top of it, because this disease is always waiting to pull you back down.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I really didnt wanna be sober for many reasons. I didnt want to give up my nightly drunken fests I enjoyed those.I didnt like the hangovers and such but I tolerated them. But I coudlnt take the panic attacks anymore. So I ran away from booze strictly because of the panic. In time however i realized those drunken fest where not really that great the hangovers where awful and why did i ever thnk they where worth tolerating with how good I could have felt simply by not drinking?
Now i'm at the other end of the spectrum. I dont like taking ibprofin for aches and pains or something even because of side affects. I notice lots of things that can make me feel bad Sure some medicines relieve symptoms but in my case they also cause many other issues. Just like booze I'd have relief from life followed by a hangover and a panic attack. Of course the meds are on a more mild scale but the point is still the same.
Makes me worry god forbid I did pickup again lord only knows how bad it could be.
I'd like to think one sip i'd spit it out and thoroughly grossed out. But I have no idea 1 sip might be all it takes to loose another decade or 2. I'd rather not find out.
Now i'm at the other end of the spectrum. I dont like taking ibprofin for aches and pains or something even because of side affects. I notice lots of things that can make me feel bad Sure some medicines relieve symptoms but in my case they also cause many other issues. Just like booze I'd have relief from life followed by a hangover and a panic attack. Of course the meds are on a more mild scale but the point is still the same.
Makes me worry god forbid I did pickup again lord only knows how bad it could be.
I'd like to think one sip i'd spit it out and thoroughly grossed out. But I have no idea 1 sip might be all it takes to loose another decade or 2. I'd rather not find out.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Simply not drinking is a struggle for a lot of people, for the very reason it doesn't create a new lifestyle to go along with not drinking, instead carving out a new pattern to life, new activities, new interests, new routines, that's what creates the want to be Sober!!
Sitting alone at home in front of the TV, bored, with so much time on our hands, doesn't sound like a lot of fun, we need to actively pursue a new Sober life!!
Sitting alone at home in front of the TV, bored, with so much time on our hands, doesn't sound like a lot of fun, we need to actively pursue a new Sober life!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Yes I completely agree purpleknight, I do so much more now I'm sober, I walk a lot, I read books and watch films. I enjoy entertaining my family with nice food. Heck, I even enjoy my work, I've become very career minded. I didn't have the attention span nor the capacity to do any of this when I was drunk. I thought not drinking would ruin my social life, it has in fact improved it no end.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Yes I completely agree purpleknight, I do so much more now I'm sober, I walk a lot, I read books and watch films. I enjoy entertaining my family with nice food. Heck, I even enjoy my work, I've become very career minded. I didn't have the attention span nor the capacity to do any of this when I was drunk. I thought not drinking would ruin my social life, it has in fact improved it no end.
I feel a lot better and on the rare occasion i'm running out later in the evening to the store or something I think back to my drinking days and how that never would havehappened becuase i'd be too drunk to drive. the only time it would happen would be if i as just not quite drunk enough yet and ran out of booze and needed more ::facepalm::
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Very good points to raise Easilypleased. Looking at it from the days before I got sober, sobriety as I had experienced it up to that point was not attractive at all. It was living hell. I came to AA, not particularly wanting to get sober, but to find a better way of living. I just wanted the pain and misery to go away. Life sober or drunk up to that point was equally miserable.
After a month or two in AA, staying sober with support from others but mostly out of fear, i began working the program and my life changed. Sobriety became attractive and life got much better. So I'm still here.
I think it has to get better or it is not worth hanging around. For some who don't have a recovery program, or will not use one, sobriety can prove as miserable if not worse than drinking. That is why some people, though not drinking, end up taking their own lives.
After a month or two in AA, staying sober with support from others but mostly out of fear, i began working the program and my life changed. Sobriety became attractive and life got much better. So I'm still here.
I think it has to get better or it is not worth hanging around. For some who don't have a recovery program, or will not use one, sobriety can prove as miserable if not worse than drinking. That is why some people, though not drinking, end up taking their own lives.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Good post. I think it's hard to "wait it out" until it gets to that point, though - and that's why you see so many people stumble. In the first year of sobriety for me, I didn't have a whole lot of bright spots. I didn't have a whole lot of proof that being sober was indeed better, and in that first year I wasn't truly convinced it was the right decision. I think I teetered on the fence for a while - 49% of me wanted to drink again, and 51% wanted to stay sober. I stuck with the odds. As time passed and life improved, those percentages increased - slowly - each day.
Building positive sober memories and experiences was a great help. I could start looking back on good times where I'd been sober. Again, the progress was slow. One grain of sand at a time. Finally I had a foothold and began to dig in and really commit to sobriety and progress snowballed. Now I feel like you and truly can see and believe that I'm a better person and enjoy life more in sobriety.
I think that patience is a virtue that many alcoholics (myself included) are lacking. We want gratification NOW. We want to be fixed NOW. We want that better life that's been promised in rehab centers and AA meetings NOW. If we can somehow just convince more people to give sobriety some time, I think we'd see more success stories. Easier said than done I suppose.
Building positive sober memories and experiences was a great help. I could start looking back on good times where I'd been sober. Again, the progress was slow. One grain of sand at a time. Finally I had a foothold and began to dig in and really commit to sobriety and progress snowballed. Now I feel like you and truly can see and believe that I'm a better person and enjoy life more in sobriety.
I think that patience is a virtue that many alcoholics (myself included) are lacking. We want gratification NOW. We want to be fixed NOW. We want that better life that's been promised in rehab centers and AA meetings NOW. If we can somehow just convince more people to give sobriety some time, I think we'd see more success stories. Easier said than done I suppose.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
Good post. I think it's hard to "wait it out" until it gets to that point, though - and that's why you see so many people stumble. In the first year of sobriety for me, I didn't have a whole lot of bright spots. I didn't have a whole lot of proof that being sober was indeed better, and in that first year I wasn't truly convinced it was the right decision. I think I teetered on the fence for a while - 49% of me wanted to drink again, and 51% wanted to stay sober. I stuck with the odds. As time passed and life improved, those percentages increased - slowly - each day.
Building positive sober memories and experiences was a great help. I could start looking back on good times where I'd been sober. Again, the progress was slow. One grain of sand at a time. Finally I had a foothold and began to dig in and really commit to sobriety and progress snowballed. Now I feel like you and truly can see and believe that I'm a better person and enjoy life more in sobriety.
I think that patience is a virtue that many alcoholics (myself included) are lacking. We want gratification NOW. We want to be fixed NOW. We want that better life that's been promised in rehab centers and AA meetings NOW. If we can somehow just convince more people to give sobriety some time, I think we'd see more success stories. Easier said than done I suppose.
Building positive sober memories and experiences was a great help. I could start looking back on good times where I'd been sober. Again, the progress was slow. One grain of sand at a time. Finally I had a foothold and began to dig in and really commit to sobriety and progress snowballed. Now I feel like you and truly can see and believe that I'm a better person and enjoy life more in sobriety.
I think that patience is a virtue that many alcoholics (myself included) are lacking. We want gratification NOW. We want to be fixed NOW. We want that better life that's been promised in rehab centers and AA meetings NOW. If we can somehow just convince more people to give sobriety some time, I think we'd see more success stories. Easier said than done I suppose.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I am on day 58 and I am finally getting used to this new life. I think it takes getting through all of the "firsts": first Friday, friend visiting, concert, vacation, stressful day, etc.
I will say though that I did not and could not stop until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk every night. It took a long time. A long, long, long time.
I also had to finally accept that there would be no occasion in the future where I would drink. No "days off" from sobriety. Every other half-arse failed attempt before was with the thought that I could maybe drink on __________ (insert occasion). And, only on that occasion, right? Nope. Finally gave that one up.
Sobriety feels pretty good. I sure don't miss the daily splitting headaches and feelings of panic and doom. Those are gone. Shocking that this is how the vast majority of population feels every day: not hungover. Imagine that? I used to look at people at work in the morning and think:
"She's not hungover. He's not hungover. She's definitely not hungover. She looks happy and excited even coming to work! Her over there? She's not hungover either. She says she is tired but it's a normal person tired. She must have stayed up too late. And Shirley? She's not feeling well but she has a cold. She's not hungover either."
Most people are not hungover every single day! It feels good to join the normies.
I will say though that I did not and could not stop until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk every night. It took a long time. A long, long, long time.
I also had to finally accept that there would be no occasion in the future where I would drink. No "days off" from sobriety. Every other half-arse failed attempt before was with the thought that I could maybe drink on __________ (insert occasion). And, only on that occasion, right? Nope. Finally gave that one up.
Sobriety feels pretty good. I sure don't miss the daily splitting headaches and feelings of panic and doom. Those are gone. Shocking that this is how the vast majority of population feels every day: not hungover. Imagine that? I used to look at people at work in the morning and think:
"She's not hungover. He's not hungover. She's definitely not hungover. She looks happy and excited even coming to work! Her over there? She's not hungover either. She says she is tired but it's a normal person tired. She must have stayed up too late. And Shirley? She's not feeling well but she has a cold. She's not hungover either."
Most people are not hungover every single day! It feels good to join the normies.
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