MaxxPower

Hey everyone, to all those that remember me I wish I had some good news for you. I've fallen off the wagon big time. Haven't come to this site for so long and I'm not really sure what to do. Ignoring my drinking problem has completely caught up with me. Last weekend I went to a pub and ended up drinking crazy amounts of booze all night with complete strangers and didn't get home until 6 in the morning. When I woke up at 3 in the afternoon I truly
found out for real what ''kindling'' is.
Upon awaking I was struck with indescribable anxiety - its was UNREAL!! It went into full gear when my Pancreas felt like it was about to throw in the towel. Horrible stomach pains! I've had pancreatitis attacks in the past and knew what was in store for me if I was about to happen again which made the terror of the situation that much worse. Luckily I had some benzo's on my medical file from last year when I checked outta detox early so that's the only thing that got me through the ordeal, otherwise I woulda went to the hospital. NOT FUN!
The last couple days ive been averaging about a 6 pack. My girlfriend that ive been with the last 1 1/2 smelt alcohol on my breath today..it was pretty sad.

Ive went to a couple AA meetings the last couple of months but I'm not sure if its for me. The last meeting I went to I had a massive urge to drink as soon as I left the building. wtf is that?! Dunno If I need rehab or what but this hasto stop! im not going to drink tomorrow, that's all I know.

Bostonsportsfan

This is sad to hear Max. I'm rooting for you to get sober again.

Gamaur

So sorry to hear Max. My heart goes out to you man.

You've got this buddy. You're going to stop this before it gets any worse.

You're still climbing the ladder, all this is is a slip down a few steps. You can stop this before you're back at the bottom.

I really hope it works out ok for you.

Croissant

Hi Maxx. Good to see you around....sorry for the reasons though.

If AA isn't for you, there are other ways to achieve sobriety. I've looked at a few of the secular options and for me, that, plus committing time each day to other ways of coping with life, have helped enormously.

Stopping drinking isn't just a set and forget thing. I've had to relearn how to be "human" and live life in all it's technicolour ups and downs.

I know you said you didn't like AA because you craved a drink afterwards....we get odd temptations...at odd times. The key is how to deal with them. No one achieved long term sobriety without huge battles with the AV. It's those times, where we stand up and say, no, I deserve better than that - they are the ones that help define our new life.

Stick around....I hope you see it out this time, mate.

GracieLou

It is good to see you. I am glad you are here and willing to try again. Willingness played a big part in my recovery.

I remember the first time I went to AA I had this. I feel the reason was because it was the first time I really realized I had a problem. I didn't want to stop drinking but listening to the people in the meetings made it real and for most of my life I ran from what was real.

I did not want to deal with it. I wanted to escape. I did not stay in AA and drank for another ten years. I eventually found my way back and this time it was completely different because I was ready. I was truly sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I am not trying to convince you that AA is for you but you may want to try it again. It surprised me the way I felt about AA now as opposed to then.

You still may not like AA but there are lots of other recovery programs and you may feel different this time. Try not to look at the past experiences and compare them to now. You are different now. The fact that you posted again shows that.

Hang in there

Dee74

I'm sorry you're struggling Maxx but I'm glad you're back looking for help

I think Gracie is right - if you can't stop by yourself I wouldn't be writing any other form of help else off just yet?

D

Nevertheless

Glad to see you back.
In the early days I left a LOT of AA meetings wanting to drink more than I did before I went. Of course I can say the same for the grocery store,work,and a whole slew of other things.
While I left AA wanting to drink more than I did when I walked in a lot of times. AA gave me the strength to stay sober,not only right after leaving. But for days. It kept me from losing sight of my goal,which was staying sober.
In my experience,it is the cheapest,and easiest way to get help with a problem like this. And this problem is very difficult to solve without help.
I wish you the best.....
Fred

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Maxx!! SR is in your corner!!

IOAA2

It was bought to my attention while & I admitted that while I was drinking and for a period afterwards my judgments and decisions were on a par of a newborn even though I thought I knew as much as someone with many years of sobriety. AA and other programs will work IF WE WORK them, and not just for a few weeks or months but constantly.

BE WELL

Sudz No More

Welcome back, we're here if you need to vent. That's better than picking up again, you can do it this time if you really put your mind to it.

MaxxPower

Thanks Boston, happy to see that your still here.

How's everything going? what methods have you used for staying sober?

MaxxPower

One of the major obstacles I have with AA is that I have one hell of a time expressing my thoughts - especially to strangers. People that know me wouldn't think its problematic but I'm a really shy person, that's one of the major reasons why I drink. I understand that I don't have speak at the meetings at first but eventually I'll have to contribute/say something and that's when it seems like it wont work. The only reason I even made it to the meetings in the first place was because I'd was drinking some beers and felt horribly low/depressed sigh...really bad.

MaxxPower

Thanks everyone for your comments, it means allot.

Woke up this morning feeling instantly depressed/worried. Don't have the energy or will to venture outside my house. Just going to take it easy. Not going to drink!
One day at a time again.
My girlfriend asked me last night what it would take for me to stop drinking, followed by saying that she thinks dying would be the only way I would learn my lesson. I looked at her like an unknown number calling my cell, but she's probably right.
5-10-20 years down the road seems like a long time doing the same stupid **** ive been up to lately.
Have been drinking only beers since relapsing but it doesn't even satisfy my real urge, that is to drink hard alcohol. On my first post about the weekend, that was the only time ive drank hard alcohol since started up again. And that episode was yet another clear indication that I cannot party anymore. AT ALL!!
Anyone thinking that they can drink again after a period of sobriety(I had 10 months) don't do it!

Bostonsportsfan

I come to SR daily even though it's usually just browsing. I've been avoiding the party/bar scene a lot, but not completely. I can handle being around other drinkers, but not all the time, yet anyways. I'm coming up on 8 months on the 27th and I'm feeling good.

I know deep down you want to be sober and I really hope you get sober again. How long did you make it before you relapsed? 9 months? I know you can do it...you just need to whatever it takes to put the drink down.

Dave36

I know that hangover/withdrawal anxiety well. It's like a surreal nightmare. Sucks bad. Can be very scary. Good luck.

Bostonsportsfan

Well you made it 10 months and it sounds like you're not drinking today, so that's good news! 10 months is a nice stretch of sobriety so you've proven you can do it. I wish you the best of luck man.

Bostonsportsfan

Yeah me too and I hope Max can get through it.

least

I hope this time you can stop drinking for good.

MaxxPower

That unreal Boston, for you too make it 8 months, especially at your age, is unbelievable! Congratz man! don't turn back..you have a bright future ahead.

Yeah, did a recount I actually made in 10 months, not 9. Doesn't really matter though cause its in the past. No point in thinking about it now cause its gone. I've gotta start coming here daily again too, along with other things...who knows.

MaxxPower

I feel fine, besides feeling like a massive loser.

Zero withdrawl symptoms at the moment. Thinking cause of the years of hard alcohol abuse I put my body through, id have drink around 24+ beers a day for months to have the same crazy problems associated with stopped abruptly like I did before. Playing with fire drinking any amounts...I know. So dumb.