Katie88

Hello Everyone,

I have said, done, and written thousands of things I didn't mean when I was drunk. While I may have been feeling certain emotions, I never would have said or done these things if I had been sober. Alcohol makes me impulsive and angry when I feel like I've been slighted or am upset about something someone did.

I am not looking for medical advice here and I have seen a psychiatrist and psychologist after my dad insinuated I had a personality disorder. I am just wondering if anyone can relate to feeling like their personality changed when they were active in alcoholism, and if that went away when you sobered up?

I feel like when I am sober I have good impulse control, though I am still an emotional person in general.

Thanks in advance!

Verte

Hi Katie

I'm pretty sure that a psychological diagnosis and treatment will not be considered by the powers that be until a person first addresses and treats the alcohol issue. I could definitely be wrong but, I think alcohol generally renders quite a few psych treatments less effective or useless. Its an interesting conundrum.

Did you have a chance to ask the Psych about your Dad's concern about personality disorder? Is your Dad in a psych or medical field?

ScottFromWI

My personality definitely changed when I was drunk, and I did a lot of things I shouldn't have or don't remember. Quitting drinking fixed that though.

Katie88

Hi!

Yes, I talked with her. She's been seeing me for 10 years and the only diagnosis is ADHD. I told her what my dad said she she seems to think my reaction to him is volatile because of past emotional abuse, but it is not a personality disorder, just an isolated relationship that happens to be difficult and he is trying to make sense of it by thinking there is something wrong with me.

I can be impulsive, but again that is the ADHD and nothing more severe. And we all have some things we need to work on, IMHO. My Dad is not a psych or anything related. I was bothered by what he said.

Alcohol lowers, if not destroys inhibitions and makes us do things we regret. I just wanted to know if other people felt their personalities changed when under the influence.

Gronk

Someone just posted about being Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, so much so his friends called him Hyde when his personality had changed.

My wife said she doesn't like night-time me. (drunk)

Bamboozle

I did things drunk that I wouldn't do sober, like occasionally break things out of anger (fortunately I never did that to people). That went away when I sobered up. It doesn't necessarily mean you have a personality disorder. I'm a more emotional person now that I'm sober, probably because I have depression. The emotions are healthy ones, though. My illness is under control now (yea!) but I just really FEEL things. Most of the time when I was drunk I was numb...one reason I drank so much.

Verte

A relationship with past emotional abuse and maybe lack of love and understanding would make pretty much anything said by that person well, challenging to receive for sure.

Geez, almost a year ago on my birthday I took my belt off, slapped the table and started to country line dance...getting the attention of a packed bar, and I do not country line dance or like to be the center of attention. And well, there is a lot more to that story. BUT, had I been sober that entire adventurous evening would have gone very differently. Not sure if country line dancing can be considered a personality trait though Maybe a story from a different night or day of drinking...there are too many.

It sounds like your Psych pro knows your sober personality pretty well. Hopefully you feel good with that relationship.

ChiefBromden

FWIW, the rehab I went to was part of a larger psychiatric institute. The head psychiatrist told me later that normally they refuse to start any diagnosis until the (addicted) patient has been sober for at least 10 weeks.

As he explained it it's impossible to determine if a problem is caused or in fact hidden by alcohol abuse. In the large majority of cases, it's the first: the depression or anger or (fill in type of problem) goes away or starts to clear up in sobriety. In the other cases there might be what they called a "double diagnosis".

This is not medical advice, but it might make it easier to understand that getting sober first is key.

Ken33xx

Unless I went into blackout mode in which I forgot everything my personality basically stayed the same. I was never violent or did anything destructive.

After getting sober I don't think my personality changed much except I wasn't unhappy like I was during the last few years of my drinking.

EndGameNYC

Rather than render a specific diagnosis in early recovery, I and many others use what Freud referred to as a "working hypothesis" in order to help guide treatment. Even if the early psychiatric symptoms or personality changes that precipitate subjective distress are transient, they still need to be addressed in treatment.

Ifnotforgrace

Well they don't call it "under the influence" for nothing Of course there are changes in personality when mind altering substances are ingested.

That being said some alcoholics are a$$hats, drinking or recovered. The same as a jerk can have cancer, run a fever or break a bone... a jerk can be an alcoholic. Many NPD and other MI like Bi-polar, Schizophrenia are often found among heavy drinkers, just like autism is found in higher rates among the children of alcoholics, but they are also found independent of alcoholism as well.

afloatsober

I have a personality disorder drunk or sober called alcoholism.
It causes me to feel less than, over emotional, maudlin, resentful, fearful, angry and obsessive.
When drunk it manifests in amoral behaviour, self harm, irresponsibility and disregard for others and their feelings.
When sober i work hard to restrain the excesses, maximize my strengths and minimize the weaknesses.
To do the next right thing and right the wrongs.
It will never just 'go away' so my vigilance and application is required daily.
I am an alcoholic IN RECOVERY.
G

silentrun

It absolutely changed my personality, my worldview and my entire reality. I am pretty sure I light up that DSM5 like a Christmas tree especially on the way back up. It was on the move though. I had a core set of symptoms but one thing would resolve and another would take it's place.

MelindaFlowers

Katie,

My personality was different when I was drinking every day. I was irritable, short-tempered, and depressed. When I was really drunk I would do and say absolutely horrible things. Things that even I was shocked about when I would wake up the next day.

I use those memories as motivation to never drink again. I never want to lose control of my thoughts and actions again. I know it's hard to forget about those times and let go of the guilt and shame, but I think that we can now be positive, kind, and caring people to those around us to make up for it.

GracieLou

That is the anger and resentment talking. I understand because I was the exact same way.

When I was drunk and my mother was around, it came out ten fold. Everything I said was what I was feeling but like you I would never would have said them. I kept them bottled up and they got loose when I was drunk.

She told me once that I got drunk on purpose just so I could vent all my anger but that was not the case, I got drunk because I am an alcoholic and once I drank the cravings took me away every single time.

My anger and resentments did not go away and I think that is what some people assume is going to happen when they stop drinking. They quit for a week or two and they feel better. Then the anger and resentments sneak up and they feel mad. They feel worse and they run back to the bottle to escape from those feelings. I did not want to deal with them.

The family can have these same expectations. They hope we quit but they expect a happy go lucky person to appear and that is usually not the case.

For me, I went to AA and worked the steps. The forth step had me write down all these resentments. For the fifth step I had to look at them and see my part in them. In many cases I may have done nothing to be wronged but because I held on to the resentment I made choices in my life because of it. I let it guide my decisions and my actions. I learned I can feel what I want to but my actions for those feelings are my responsibility.

Once I was able to get all that out I felt better. It took a little time but I can feel them fading away.

I can't tell you whether your father it right or wrong. I know my mother told me that I had issues and problems many times over my life and I resented her for it because I always felt she was the one with the problem, not me.

Now that I am sober and I have worked through all that anger and resentment I am on a good path. I see my faults and I am working on them. My mother still has issues but they are hers. I no longer take her problems and make them mine.

The only person I can control is me. I feel that I am finding myself again. That cold, hard, angry, resentful person is slipping off and it being replaced by a peaceful, loving, trusting, carefree person that once was a long time ago before I drank.

Malkina

All of my "clinical" evaluations have been "borderline personality disorder" when I have ventured out into the psychoanalysis offices. I think the term is overused.

this posting reminds me of the time I felt drunk with anger. I was stone cold sober but became so mad at someone else's actions that I called them up and told them about it. I ranted and raved, told them they were f***ed up and always would be. She had the nerve to tell me I needed more meetings. At the time I was attending meetings on a weekly basis but she stopped going. This person had done a lot of things in the past that I had let go but she pushed it past the point of no return on this particular occasion. oh, detail-schmetails.

my point is I was out of control with the emotion of anger. to this day I don't regret what I did. I know from experience I do myself more harm by not expressing anger when a hurtful thing has happened to me. If I internalize that much anger I will self destruct because it gets played over and over in my head and I hate myself for not telling them how what they did made me feel.

I think we can become drunk on emotions because we are sensitive people. This was a one time incident. people have hurt my feelings since then, I have felt angry over things others have done since that time. My time in AA has taught me that these things will happen and to try to forgive and let it go as quickly as I can or else I might get drunk.

The good news is she stopped calling and coming over. We see each other once in awhile and can say hi, but we keep moving.

Katie88

so much food for thought here, thank you everyone for responding!

HopePeace

This is my biggest problem as far as my drinking goes. It has been compared to Jekyll and Hyde more than once by different people, my friends have told me they can no longer drink with me, my boyfriend has an alter ego name for me when it happens. It is usually when I blacked out, but sometimes even after only a couple glasses of wine.

Katie88

Hey HP...I'm sorry to hear that, but i can relate. I take great comfort in knowing that the way i behaved in the past when I was intoxicated was a function of alcohol and not something that is terribly wrong with me...I hope you can come to the same conclusion and that both of our lives will be different without the poison

Soberwolf

I feel like the real life Bruce banner really nice person everything going for him really polite etc I have a drink and then i devastate myself and everything around me

Been sober nearly 14 months and loving life with a passion