j808

Fell off the wagon again, a while since i've been on here. This time I'm making an effort to try and get to some AA meetings. Last night got drunk and drove to a friends house. On the way there I was speeding and driving reckless and almost got into a fight with another driver. I really hate this feeling, I woke up this morning barely remembering what happened last night. I just wish I had stayed home. I really feel I need to make some changes in my life. I know nothing good has ever come out of drinking, yet it's just so hard to stop. I'm 33 and I've been drinking for the majority of my life now since around 13 or 14. When I think about it, it's just insane, why do I do this? It's so self destructive, I believe I need to find new friends who are into other things besides drinking, that's going to be challenging.

PurpleKnight

We did it because we are addicted, that's the nature of the beast!!

Though we don't have to keep giving alcohol control over our lives, we get to call the shots and hold all the cards when we finally say goodbye to alcohol in our lives!!

Changing up your plan is a good idea, nothing changes if nothing changes, I had to tweak my plan many times but I knew that if I just kept trying something different, something new, no matter how small, then maybe the results would change, it's a leap of faith and that can be scary, but the benefits to your life will be worth it!!

Go at it again!! You can do this!!

j808

Thanks for the support. I need to remember I can always turn here for encouragement.

IOAA2

Hi. For many of us we didn’t know what we didn’t know. I never thought that I am an alcoholic and must stay away from the first drink because when I drink alcohol I may break out and find myself in jail, a hospital, A psyche or any number of undesirable places. For me my saving grace was to go to many AA meetings and become active there with sober people.

BE WELL

zjw

at age 33 I had enough. I hope your as fortunate. It gets old doesnt it? Its just so hard to break the cycle but once you do your life tends to do a 360 in time.

drunktastic1002

I drank because I liked the effect that alcohol produced. What I didn't like we're the consequences that I continued to run into which came in every imaginable form; physical, financial, legal, emotional and spiritual. I got sober at 33 myself and I too started in my teens. I looked up and 18 years had flown by and I'd given up everything I'd ever had several times over. I was miserable and I didn't recognize or like the person looking back at me in the mirror; I hadn't for a long time. I decided to give recovery a fair shot. In the past, I would always make the comment that I'd tried to get sober so many times, but I had never really done anything to change. I showed up at some meetings, scoffed, was certain about what wouldn't work from me, proclaimed that I was different, but I never really listened and was unwilling to take suggestions or directions let alone work a step! So, I had never tried. I committed to giving 100% to recovery and told myself that if my life didn't get better I'd go back to the drink. That was 3 years ago. Life is better; so much better. I wasn't living, I was existing. It's not always fun, but my kind of fun = back of a cop car, in front of a judge. Recovery is about doing things differently, and I have found it to be worth while.

j808

That's how I feel, I've had enough and it's time for a change. I'm going to really try this time to break free.

j808

I know what you mean, I just drink to get that feeling. I'm not a responsible drinker, never was and probably never will be. I realize now I should just stop drinking before I hurt someone or myself. I feel as if my drinking is getting worse. I've already had 1 DUI and I definitely don't want another. I look forward to one day reaching 3 years like you.

awuh1

Aloha J. Sounds like you are at a crossroads. I can relate. I found that if I continued to drink that it was just a matter of time until someone was seriously injured, and likey sooner than later. Don't try to go to AA, GO to AA. Do it... while you still can.

Hevyn

Hi j808.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but it sounds like you're just fed up with the drinking life - and that's good. I had to reach that point too. It's hard to admit it's never fun anymore - just a burden. You can get free of it.

zjw

yeah just break the cycle then the healing begins.

theres some commercials on youtube along the lines of doing one thing different in your life. they would show someones life if they just did 1 thing differently the outcome. Its amazing how different someones life can be just buy doing 1 thing differently.

Simply quiting drinking just that one thing led to so many other good things.

j808

I'm definitely at a crossroads, I'm going to make a change. I can't keep pushing my luck with this addiction.