Faceless

Hi everyone. After three weeks of avoiding alcohol, I had a few slip ups. I've just been struggling with depression and loneliness, both very extreme, and I've been binge drinking for so long to help me cope with those struggles. I have assessed that the number of days sober isn't how I need to look at this, because I know it's going to be rocky for me. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for so long, of course I would slip. But I am embarrassed by it that I could not face coming to SR. Until now. I'm still ashamed and all, but I gotta face the music at some point, and not discussing it does not erase what happened.

dotboston

Welcome back. You are in the right place.

Sudz No More

There is no need to count days if you don't find it useful. I found that daily counting only reinforced by mental obsession with alcohol. One thing I would suggest though is at least writing down your sobriety date somewhere. You will at some point enjoy looking back at the progress you made. That much I will definitely say helps me to feel accomplished and inspires me to keep going. Early milestones like 90 days and 6 months and than one year can't be realized if you don't at least have your date saved somewhere. But the daily thing really isn't something all of us need to do.

Right now, I would just focus on replacing those coping triggers. Try to find something you like to do that relaxes you and get in the habit of doing this hobby in place of drinking. Anything to keep your mind away from the idea of imbibing.

RecklessEric

Hi Faceless.
A therapist once told me that she rarely praises clients for doing well because she doesn't want them to be embarrased when they aren't.
I'm pretty sure everyone here is more interested in seeing you do well in the future than the slip ups in the past.
Good luck back on the horse.

Faceless

Thank you everyone. I feel a lot better about mistakes I can't undo. Suds, I don't have much motivation to engage in activities, but sleep has helped a lot. I don't want to be using that for a long period of time hehe, I don't want to become lazy. But it helps with the loneliness, depression, and the drinking.

Thank you, everyone.

Tonymblue

Glad youre back posting. I think youve done great. I cant wait to have three weeks.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back faceless. Drinking is not inevitable, but it certainly happens. Were you following any kind of program or counseling at all while you were not drinking? Depression is very common and treatable, and much more so when we are sober of course.

Faceless

Hi, and thanks. Yes, I have therapy, but it had to be cut to twice a month for income purposes heh. It's very long term depression, and I have cyclothymic disorder, so I guess the problems are here to stay. Oh well, that's my life.

Hevyn

Faceless, never ever be embarrassed with us. You're among friends who understand.

It took me several do-overs to get it right. As you said, we lean on it for everything. It's hard to imagine our life without it and to let go. It's so much better to be free of it though. Glad you are back and wanting to try again. You can do it.

Dee74

Welcome back faceless

I really doubt anyone is going to be harsh with you - we've all been there before.

I will ask tho - what's your plan?

D

ru12

Welcome back Faceless! This is one place you should never be afraid to come. We know with what you struggle and we will all lend a hand.

Faceless

Thanks to everyone. Dee, my plan is to face my problems and let them do what they are going to do to me. If that means being hospitalized again, then so be it. I just avoid going and buying any alcohol.

gettingbetter64

Welcome back

zoey09

I know the feeling - but embarrassing would be continuing the cycle without reaching out... embarrassing is the things that you do or say while drinking. It takes courage to reach out after you've messed up, glad to see your back : )

sunrise1

Faceless, many don't make it back at all. You should be proud of your willingness to step back through the door and say "I'm imperfect"... truth be told, many of us have made that walk ourselves. No one will beat up on you... we're just glad you're back.

PurpleKnight

No point in beating yourself up, go at it again, you can do this!!

aasharon90

Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone and
need not worry about the whata, coulda, shoulda's
because you'll never see it again.

Arm yourself with positive recovery thoughts,
wear your coat of recovery armore to ward off
those pesky demons of alcohol or drugs lurking
around each corner.

Listen, Learn, Absorb, Apply all that you
can from a recovery program filled with
useful, effective methods, knowledge and
tools to help stay on ur recovery path a
day at a time.

Rely or lean on the fellowship of many
who have paved a path of successful
recovery to guide you along in ur journey.

Arbor

Everyone pretty much summed it up but I know how you feel. Been there a number of times since the fall of 2013. We are all human. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. But what's great is that we learn from them. Get back on that horsey and show yourself what you got! You can do it and so can I !!

Hawkeye13

Glad you're back

Figure out the weakness in your past sobriety plan, revise it, and prepare for success!

NoJimmy

It's easy to become overwhelmed by the mistakes of our yesterdays, but none of that needs to limit where you are headed tomorrow. I think it's important to recognize the positive things you're accomplishing as you move forward.