John117

I had had a few post here in the last few years. I was doing so well for the last few months. Exercising feeling great. Then something happened. I am not sure what triggered it but I had to drink.
I started around 11:30am while cleaning my carpets. My wife and daughter were at the in laws. So I picked up a bottle of vodka and started to drink it.

I was pretty messed up when I was done and decided to driver for dinner and my nephews bday party.

Once I arrived at my In-laws my wife already new from the way I was walking.
Speech was slurred and I could barely walk.
I made a complete ******* in front of everyone.

Once I left I ended up at a local bar for a drink with a friend.
I left the local bar and had to pick up another bottle. Which somehow I did and was able to make it home and drink it in my car.

To end the night my brother in law found me passed out in the car. He had to carry me to my place.
My wife took my daughter to my in-laws and has been staying there since Saturday. I have already apologized to them for my behavior.

I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior that night.

I still do not know why I felt a need to drink. But one this is for sure. I cannot have one. Ever......

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

Welcome back John

What have you done to stay sober in the past?

D

John117

Hi Dee74.

I used declinol supplement for a while and that did work.
I also went to some one on one counseling.
But for the last 6 months I did not go to counseling or used the supplements. Everything seemed perfect.

Then Saturday I had an urge to drink that was very different.

But I am starting counseling again.

RecklessEric

Hey John.
Sorry to hear your story.
Sounds like mine.
I was doing ok until a couple of weeks ago. I got wasted and passed out in front of my 7 year old daughter.
I'm back on the right road now, after having to stay in my mother's for a while.
My wife wasn't so much interested in an apology. She wanted to hear a credible plan that I have to stop it happening again.

ScottFromWI

Welcome John. Sorry to hear about your night, I'm thankful you made it home safely and didn't injure anyone while driving drunk.

Were you working any type of recovery program prior to this incident? No one HAS to drink

John117

Hi recklesseric

That is what my wife and the rest of the family wants me to do. Get help and improve.

I will conquer this.
For my health and for my family.

John117

Hi ScottfromWI,

I was not. I thought I was doing fine. 6+ months without incident.

But I will be going back to counseling.

mercurial me

Sounds like you're already making strides to ensure it won't happen again. You sound like a really good person. Don't beat yourself up too badly

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a good start, coming here is a great idea too. Some use SR as their main support network, but don't rule anything out until you find a fit. You are making a great decision for you and your family.

Kaneda8888

Hi John

Thanks for the post as its a good reminder of how important a recovery plan is no matter how long is one's sobriety. Going to a counsellor is a wise move. I would also look at other options such as AA, spirituality, exercise, etc. Keep an open mind and try things out. As importantly, there is SR ! Its truly gift for us.

Stay strong and committed !

LBrain

welcome back John, sorry to hear of your mishap, you sound like you are ready for forever,

have you looked into rational recovery or AVRT? maybe that is something up your alley.

zjw

Dont lower your guard it can sneak up on you. 30 days in I felt deserving and confident i could drink. I had a bad day i had gone 30 days and i needed and deserved a DANG beer! So i grabbed one my wife stopped me asked if iw as going to throw away 30 days over 1 bad day and reminded me that I had had bad days already and stayed sober what made this day so special. she was sad i felt bad so i put the beer back and didnt drink it. I learned I couldnt lower my guard. I started to realize there will probably never be a good time for me to drink.

Climber122

Glad you made it home John. Your story brings to my mind the saying that for most of us, that we are either "moving towards a drink or away from a drink." There really is no point where we are able to cruise. I think it's our desire to be like "normal" people (i.e. non-alcoholics). We want so badly to be able to enjoy the highs and get away with it but for us, it's a mess of course - in fact it's lethal. So glad you're working with a counselor! Keep with it and think about what you can do that works for you that would be a long-term way to maintain recovery - to keep "moving away" from that first drink. Get to work!

matt4x4

Messed up bad for me is penitentiary time, no bail, no freedom. If I woke up a free man, wasnt so bad, could just drink away my problems, however the problems kept piling up.

newwestdork

My posting history here speaks to the dangers of complacency. Last year I had several runs of a few months, at the end of which I stopped going to meetings, stopped reading SR, stopped doing anything related to my sobriety. Soon I started to feel like I "deserved" a drink, that I could handle drinking in moderation, and next thing you know, you're all being subjected to yet another "newwestdork relapsed!" post by yours truly.

I'm glad you made it home OK, and I'm very glad to hear that you're starting counselling again. We really have to keep our guard up. I like Climber's quote a few posts up - "we're moving towards a drink or away from a drink."

Good luck man. You can do this!

John117

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Haven't had a drink since Saturday.
I also apologized for my actions to all that were present. That was a hard thing to do face to face but everyone seemed very supportive.
Thanks.

Windancer

I have had many nights like that Im ashamed to say. But all you can do is learn from it and move on! Trust me, you aren't the only one Try and keep your chin up, make amends and look after yourself.

Ken33xx

This business of driving home in a drunken mess has to stop.

If you want to drink that's your business.

However, to get behind the wheel of a car in such a state and put other peoples lives at risk is very dangerous. Which I'm sure you would agree.

polaris

Its easy to fall into that trap...Ive been doing so well and dont even miss it, I enjoy my life sober, so...Im sure I can SOCIALLY handle a few drinks.

Unfortunately it always seems to, whether gradually or instantly, always lead back to square one-and can rob you of so much along the way. I know because there is still some part of me that believes I can outsmart it, despite all the failures. Its hubris on my part.

Wastinglife

My relapses also involve very shameful experiences. Whenever I slip, it usually involves a drink or two in a social setting to begin with. Then it quickly goes downhill and I don't stop until something bad happens.

I am so envious of people who can go out for some drinks and return with their dignity in tact.