methodman1019

A select few people know about my alcoholism here at work. I was straight up with them when I went to rehab. BTW, I would not have done it that way in hindsight. Anyway...

There just happens to be a rehab facility on the ground floor where I work. It's the usual thing where everyone gets bused in from a location and they have their meetings and such here. Of course, they also hang out during breaks smoking and talking. Today, one of the people in my company that know I went to one of these places starts talking about them in a not so wonderful light. I'm sitting there along with another person and agreements go back and forth on basically the "unsavory" group out there.

Really? This is just a perfect little glimpse on how addiction is viewed in society. If these people would just pull themselves up by the boot straps and show some restraint, some willpower, all would be great in the world. Otherwise, they are just weak and deserve our snide remarks. That's what I get from the short exchange I witnessed.

Is this how I'm viewed? Do they think I'm a less person because I went to rehab? Anger is boiling...

This makes me incredibly angry. It makes me lash out in my mind and just hope they have to experience something in their lives that I had to go through. The anger surprises me. I talk a good game most times that we just need to know that regular folks don't and won't understand. Get over it. But sometimes...sometimes I get really angry and resentful.

Methodman

trachemys

Some people put others down to make themselves look bigger and to feel better about themselves.

doggonecarl

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain--and most fools do.
--Dale Carnegie

NightsWatch

Unfortunately, there are a lot of judgmental people in our society. What's upsetting to me is that I know I was one of those people. I had to come to terms with my own judgmental nature to get on this road to recovery. It's natural to feel angry when you feel judged, but ultimately, we can't control how other people think or feel. Some have mentioned here (or maybe I read somewhere else) that part of their sobriety hinges on learning not to let other people affect them so much. I can see the wisdom in that.

hopeful4

Honestly, I saw things the same way until it affected my Xhusband. I think a lot of it is just lack of knowledge, they are ignorant on the subject. Think of it this way, I have yet to meet a person who does not have an addiction to something or someone. Some it's drugs, some it's alcohol, some it's work, some it's another person, food, cigs, all sorts of things. These people who are there, and yourself, you did something about it. You made the choice to go to rehab.

I struggle with this b/c honestly I just told my co worker I am addicted to diet coke. While that may not put me in jail if I drink and drive, it may give me cancer and all other sorts of issues. So while some are in rehab, I am still sucking down my diet cokes. The last thing I will do is bash someone who is choosing to help themselves.

Pray for the ignorant and remember they don't know any better. It's hard to take the high road, but it's the right thing to do.

PurpleKnight

Life is full of judgement and lack of understanding, it's everywhere, you just need to log onto social media and people have opinions on absolutely everything.

The main thing though is to realise that a lot of people's opinions won't ever change, so there's no point in even trying and wasting time, experience in life seems to be one of the most powerful teachers I know, but unfortunately the cards in life are not always dealt out equally.

zjw

I can totaly relate. I feel like everyones got there club out ready to beat the tar out of me for me and my bad habits etc... But see here is the thing many if not all of these other people got some pretty awful habits themselves as well. Some are morbidly obese some smoke some beat there wives some are addictd to pornography some are alcoholics and dont realize it some verbaly abuse there children some lie some cheat some steal etc.. but all these same folks cant wait to beat you for your addictions you over came?

I started to realize my anger was stupid I should have sympathy for them instead its sad that they still have the issues they have while i'm sorting out mine.

and I'll be honest a lot of these folks that couldnt wait to harp on me about my issues they got there rocks off i swear at point out my shortcomings now these same folks have nothing to say and are intimidated around me or flat out dont even like me anymore and wont speak to me. So go figure.

methodman1019

In all honesty, this is one of things I'm trying to work on after 10 months sober. I need to quell some of this anger I have. I can see it very clearly, and I usually can self talk myself in to seeing it for what it is. I'm working on it, but no where close to understanding and reigning it in. I tend to lash out (albeit internally) in situations that confront me. My big realization is that it was one of the HUGE triggers that caused me to drink, get drunk. It's a lot to deal with without my buddy, old pal, alcohol. For me, it's one of those things on the top of my priority list at this very point in sobriety.

Thanks for the comments so far..all the best.

Methodman

PS: Need to learn to vocalize this more often so I can work through it.

desypete

i think if the rest of the world seen me as some sort of victim then i would of played them all with my manipulation skills and never of found sobriety

so i think the way society judges actually helps

when i was in court trying to pleas with the judge to not send me to prison as i was drunk as a skunk at the time when i assulted a policman trying to arrest me for drunken behaviour

the judge didnt feel sorry for me at all and i thank him today for sending me to prison as if i got away with it i would only have done it again or worse

i used to get angry at people who condem people but now i dont i understand them a bit more today

my sponor is always hard on me when i get it into my head that people shouldn't judge me
he would remind me of the pain some people have been put through in there lives because of people
ie a drunk driver killing someone they loved would you expect them to feel sorry for the drunk driver as he suffers from an illness ?

it comes down to it that i can not do anything about anything like that and certainly i can not change how people feel towards me but i honestly feel the judgements made by people in the world are what i couldnt live with in the end as i hid away from the world with shame and guilt
if they felt sorry for me i wouldnt of felt those things and just carried on

Mirage74

Wow I can relate to this thread. I think others are so judgemental to make themselves feel better, as though they don't have anything to be judged about. A few of you hit on this.

There are people I know who smoke, drink, eat too much, cuss, slander, disparage, etc. Yet they are judging me for getting sober. Go figure. It's a paradox, one befit of scum if you ask me.

zjw

people like to use other peoples short comings as a way to prop themselves up HA i'm better then that guy for he has XYZ problem ec.. they like to keep "that guy" in thre life too becuase it helps keep them propped up. but if "that guy" suddenly fixes his mess they can no longer utilize the person anymore to prop themselves up and normally discard "that guy".

I dunno thats how I've seen it play out more often then not for me. It stinks too cause in my case I'd just like to meet some decent people who are not interested in that sorta stuff.

Jfanagle

Let's be honest, newly minted recovering alcoholics as a whole are a rather "interesting" bunch. Why wouldn't we be, we are trying to re-enter the world after checking out for a period of time. As we stay sober, rebuild our lives and wear off some of the sharp edges that alcoholism creates we do become less obvious, both in appearance and behavior.

I am by no means the same fellow today that I was 15 years ago when I put down the whiskey glass. Surprisingly these days if the subject of my being a recovered alcoholic comes up at a party or a gathering where I don't imbibe folks will comment on what a great achievement that is and then ask me how I did it and then almost inevitably embark on a story of someone in their family, social circle or work place who has a "problem" and ask my advice on what they can do with these people. I usually let them know that I don't make a practice of diagnosing or treating other people, but that there are many places that can be of help if the individual wants help. One is at the very front of the phone book in fact.

My point is that how we are viewed changes with our changes as we move down the timeline of sobriety. Instead of being upset with other people's views of recovering individuals I suggest that we focus on living each sober day a little better than the last day and pretty soon we aren't so different. After all there is nothing in our power that allows us to change the views that others hold.

Just my experience.
Jon

Mirage74

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for posting that Jfangle.

GracieLou

First, we are a sensitive group. We seem to wear our skin inside out.

Second, when I feel anger it is about control. I want to make people do or feel something. I have no control over that. The only thing I can control is me and my reactions. Everything else must be given away to my HP.

I was just talking about this today. I am having a difficulty with someone. I have to deal with them a short while longer and I was trying to decide what is the best way to handle it. Do I hang around and get irritated or do I remove myself. Both of these options made me angry.

I took a walk at lunch at it occurred to me that the back and forth felt like a game and by being upset and worrying, I was playing the game. I don’t have to play the game. I can just do what I normally do and go about my business and my life and not let the opinion or actions of others effect me. What they think or how they act is really not my concern nor my business.

So I gave it away to my HP. He can handle it better than I can. I have to remind myself many times a day to turn it over. The less I have to deal with, the better my day is and the better the chances are that I will remain sober.

Soberpotamus

It reminds me of a person I used to work with. Every morning she'd come into the office, sit down at her computer, and go straight to the website that shows the mug shots of the people who'd been arrested the night before. It was disgusting to me. I had gotten a DUI that year. I asked her why she did it. She said it made her feel better about herself and her life.

Mirage74

That actually wouldn't bother me SJ, I would find it amusing although I wouldn't partake.

I think another thing I'm realizing is the awareness Im redeveloping as I sober up. I was probably being judged the entire time I was drinking, I was just too oblivious to notice. Alcohol sort of gives us that false-pride, immunity from the judgement of others. We sober up, and suddenly we care what others think.

I think the kind of judgement I'm talking about is from others who do the same things I'm being judged for. My family contains drinkers and recovering addicts. Yet I'm being judged. It's hypocritical.

jdooner

There are hypocrites all around us. Almost every person that gains power or perceived power from money, job or responsibility will have to deal with hypocrisy. Have you watched the show House of Cards on Netflix? If not its a wonderful and I believe quite true representation of Washington politics and the hypocrisy that exists.

Mirage - try reading the book the Power of Now, by Tolle. Once you build your confidence it matters less what people think about you. I am not there yet, as I get slimed by negative energy too but I am getting better at this.

Soberpotamus

I found it sad and pathetic actually. I figured her life must royally suck if she needed to view mugshots of people in order to feel good for the day. I just don't get it.

ScottFromWI

Of all the common problems associated with alcohol, withdrawal and sobriety, I've been lucky that I've never really had a problem with what other people say or do, I simply don't care for the most part. My wife on the other hand ( who has no addiction issues ) does. We discuss this issue very frequently and it's as just as difficult for me to understand why she cares so much about things she has no control over as it is for her to understand how I simply don't care about the same kind of things.

I think it has a lot to do with acceptance. Just as we have to accept that we cannot control our drinking, one needs to accept that the thoughts, words and actions of others are simply not under our control. And they never, ever will be. We also need to accept that some people are ignorant and will say ignorant things - sometimes intentionally, and sometimes not. But again, there will ALWAYS be people who do this and you will NEVER be able to change it.

Mirage74

jdooner, I've heard of House of Cards but haven't watched it. I'm going to get Netfix again at some point.

Youre obviously a big fan of Tolle. I'll look into it, thanks