Strawberry777

I've got a question that I hope some of you can answer for me..... cause I am so confussed.

How does one tell if they have a drinking problem (binging say) to if they are an alcholic???

I went to my first AA meeting last night because I do know that I have a problem w/ alcohol, but I am not sure I am an alcholic.... at the meeting they were refering to some who were problem drinkers, and then some that were alcholics????????????

I am sooooo confussed, and would really appreciate some input from some of you!!!

Thank you very much

Dawn10

If you think you have a probelm, you proabaly do. If you loose control of the ability to know when enough is enough, you probably have a problem. I wouldn't worry so much about if you are a "card carrying alcoholic", but more about " how can I regain control of myself? " You have made a great first step in going ot a meeting. Keep going and take it one day at a time. No drinking for today.
Keep posting and welcome to SR

Music

Hi Strawberry,
Check out the AA Big Book on pages 20 and 21. There's a general discription of several types of drinkers there. You can answer your own question.

When I first came to AA I didn't want to be an "alcoholic" 'cause to me it was a moral and will power problem. I had trouble even saying the word. I was told that it didn't matter. If I thought I had a problem with alcohol and didn't know what to do about it to just go to meetings and my questions would be answered. If it helps, call yourself a problem drinker. Call yourself a binge drinker but if drinking causes you problems, it might be worth taking a look at "not drinking."

Patsyd1

Hi Strawberry,

I could not predict with any consistency or certainty, how much I would drink, or what would happen to me once I put the first drink of alcohol into my body.

I would go out and only plan on having one or two drinks, and I would end up coming home drunk. I would wake up the next morning totally confused, full of remorse and guilt and asking myself "how in God's name did I do it AGAIN!!!!" I would get up with the promise of not drinking anymore. Then the obsession with alcohol would take over. (obsession = a thought, that overcomes all other thoughts) and I would be unable to "think" of anything except getting a drink.

I would be in my own head thinking and thinking and thinking of how I was going to get a drink, when I was going to be able to drink, ......alcohol began calling all the shots in my life.
It told me where I was going, when I was going, who I was going with and what time I was going home, if at all. If I had plans, they came second to getting a drink. If I was out and had to be somewhere at a certain time, I would make excuses in my own head about why I needed to stay and have just one more drink. It was always just one more and then I will leave. I never left until closing.

I had no clue that once I put one drink of alcohol into my body, that it set up a physical complusion, a craving for MORE.

The obsession of the mind insured that I would drink, the physical compulsion insured that I would drink until I was drunk, sick and out of control.

This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful.... and progressive. I began drinking occasionally, every 6 months or so. Then the time between drinks, became less and less...... every 4 months or so. Then my drinking went to getting drunk on the weekends only. Then I began drinking on Fridays, Sat and Sundays. Then at some point in my drinking, I crossed what they call an invisible line, and I began drinking every few days then daily. This took time, and I didn't notice what was happening at all. To me I was just having fun or so I thought. There came a time when I decided to stop drinking, and I found that I couldn't. And everything came second to my drinking ...EVERYTHING.

Once I put one drink of alcohol into my body, I was unable to predict with any certainty or consistency what would happen to me.

Its not how much we drink, or how often.......its what happens to us when we drink.

I had lost the ability to choose NOT to drink.

Patsy

TorontoGuy28

Patsyd1. Well put... I can totally relate. This disease it progressive... I was a weekend warrior... To after work warrior, to 3-4 days in a row.. Very scary.

Patsyd1

Hi Torontoguy,

When I first walked through those doors of AA, I was lost, frightened, confused as hell, feeling less then, anxious, irritable and discontent.

I am grateful that there were those who shared their own experience, strength and hope with this alkie. They shared about what this disease had done in their life. They didn't tell me about my drinking, I had heard from everyone outside these halls about my drinking. Nope, they told me about their drinking and I identifyed with where they came from, how they got here and I desperately wanted what they had.

At my very first AA meeting, what I heard was HOPE.... and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was home..... and I was

A grateful heart will never drink, and if thats even half true, then this alkie has it made just for today. Because I am so grateful to those who reached out to me and passed on the message of hope. What a gift, and all I have to do to keep it......is give it away.

How are you doing Torontoguy with the decision that you made to go into recovery?

Patsy

TorontoGuy28

Hi Patsy..

I am doing ok, I actually called my parents on Sunday afernoon after ending an insane 4-day bender that took me to my lowest point ever... I admitted to them that I have a drinking problem.. With their support, f2f meetings and this forum/chat - I am confident I will recover..

TG28

Patsyd1

(((((((((Torontoguy))))))))))


Keep it in today, and just keep coming

God Bless and I am glad to hear that you took action...It takes courage to do what you did, congrats to you

Patsy

Chy

You've already recieved some good advice from some very seasoned AAers.. and I'm just going to add my welcome and understanding.

We're glad your here looking for answers!

degadar

Hi Strawberry,

I believe that if you, at any time, wake up and wish you'd not drunk so much the night before - then you're like the rest of us.

If this bothers you - and you do it again, I'd call you stupid.

If you do it again and let it affect other people - I'd call you an alcoholic.

This is just my PERSONAL labeling system, but I have to label things, it's just the way I am.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

Deg.

Suckerpunched

TorontoGuy28, that's exactly what I did! I sat down with my family and husband on Sunday, July 3, 2004, admitted I have a drinking problem, and with F2F meetings, encouragement from my family, and these boards, I haven't had a drink since! Today is day 11 for me! Be assured, it does get easier as each day passes! The first week was a real challenge but once I got the first weekend behind me a huge weight was lifted just knowing I made it through the weekend and had 7 full days under my belt, the longest I have gone in YEARS!

I was a daily drinker, the neighbors come over EVERY NIGHT to "knock back a few"! I've managed to hang out with them darn near every night watching them get stupid drunk, I sit back with my bottle of water and take it all in!
Yes, I do get the urge to give up and join in with them and have a few drinks, but, I remind myself, THEY can have a few drinks, I can't! I stopped being able to have a few drinks years ago! 1 is too many, 20 isn't enough for me!

The temporary high isn't worth throwing away the 11 days I've stayed sober! Plus, there is no feeling in the world like waking up sober with no guilt, hangover, etc...... Instead, I wake up with a smile on my face knowing I was able to stay sober and enjoy life again, without a drink!

I'm getting my life back, I forgot how happy I could be without alcohol!

Hang in there TorontoGuy! You can do it, I know you can!
Keep posting, I look forward to your posts~

Patsyd1

If we hang around the barber shop long enough, we WILL get a hair cut.

I would suggest making some new friends at the AA meeting, and then you will have the urge to stay sober and get some really good reminders of where you came from, how you got here and what it can be like ....now

I would suggest not playing with your sobriety, when there is no defense against the first drink..... yet.

degadar

I must be wired up all wrong... I still believe alcoholics need more responsibility for their actions, not less. I think hanging around drunks is a better way for me to stay sober than avoiding the stuff alltogether.

There's no substitute for willpower and that needs practice and hard work to strengthen - and you don't build muscles if you don't lift weights.

Deg the enforcer.

Strawberry777

Thank you all for your advise.... it is greatly appreciated.

Patsy, I can very much relate to you, you about discribed my situation to a tee. I could go a year w/out anything, but then get into periods of drinking almost every day. Unfortunately thats where I have ended up the last 6 or so months, on a almost daily basis. I think what scares me so much is that it use to be a glass or two of beer/wine before dinner, and now its like 8-10 oz. of the hard stuff!! I poured everything down the drain on Sat. night, and have not had a drop since.... however I am feeling very, very weak today

Patsyd1

Hi Strawberry,

Yes this disease is progressive, and powerful .... things only got worse for me, never better.

If you are feeling very very weak today Strawberry, I would suggest going to the nearest AA meeting, and get phone numbers so that when you begin to feel this way, you will have another alcoholic to talk with. It works, it really does. When I was first sober, I did it my way. I only went to one AA meeting a week. I never asked for help, didn't get phone numbers. I would leave that AA meeting and I would be feeling great Then the next morning I would wake up, and I be feeling ok, but something wasn't right. The next day I would wake up and I would be feeling anxious, a bit down and alittle irritable.... and still I wouldn't get to an AA meeting. The next morning I would wake up and I would be feeling really anxious, really irritable and totally discontent.

My mood on a daily basis would be up and down, and I would begin to try to control everything around me, thinking that it was the outside stuff that I couldn't stand. IF they only did what I told them to do, then everything would be OK!!!!! By the time it came to Sunday night and to get to the AA meeting, I would be feeling totally nuts, angry, anxious, irritable and discontent. By Sunday night, everyone in my house would stay as far away from me as they could. LOL I had no idea that this disease centers in the mind, and that all those feeling that I had been shoving down for many years, were surfacing with a vengence. I was a walking resentment, full of anger, self-pity and pointing the finger at others as the cause of my discontent.

I learned the hard way that what I needed was to be at AA meetings, talking with other alkies and hearing their experience, strength and hope and taking responsibilty for my alcoholism, and all the insanity that came with it.

I wouldn't suggest doing it the way that I did, I drove myself and everyone around me crazy, and I am grateful that I didn't pick up a drink. I had some very caring drunks who were honest with me about what this disease can do to me, if I allow it. Simply because I wasn't willing to do what I needed to do to take care of me, and my alcoholism..... taking the suggestions of get to AA meetings, ask for help, get some phone numbers and call them. When I began to take the suggestions, whether I liked them or not..... my life got better.

Strawberry, don't sit in your head, thats a dangerous place to be for any alcoholic. Take the suggestions and do it for you and your sobriety.

Love
Patsy

Patsyd1

Hi Deg,

Will power? No one had more will power than I had. LOL Its not will power that I needed to use, I had used will power trying to control my alcoholism for many years, and I lost that one big time. lol Self-will run riot,...yup, that was me.

For myself, I had to take responsibility for my alcoholism, and for what I was "willing" to do differently so that I could stay sober for one more day. One of the most important suggestions that I did take thank God, was to stay away from my drinking buddies, the bar, and anywhere else that I was used to drinking and drugging.

I had absolutely no defense against the first drink before working, applying and practicing the 12 Steps in my life.

I knew these people at the AA meeting weren't lying to me, because I had tried using my will power to control my drinking and it never worked.... ever.

Big Book page 101 and 102:

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is
drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there.
That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions,
weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a
person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this
may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made an important qualification.
Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have
I any good social, business, or personal reason for
going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little
vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?"

If you answer these questions satisfactorily,
you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away,
whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid
spiritual ground before you start and that your motive
in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you
will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can
bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work
with another alcoholic instead!

Bold area's were added by me

degadar

Hi Patsyd,

I'm in a bit of a funny mood today, so sorry if it sounded like I was criticising. I'm a nice guy really.

It's good you find a way that works for you. I like that quote BTW. It really does ask you to think why you're going to that bar! WTF is a whoopie party? is it like tupperware in the US? or like our Anne Summers parties, I don't know what they are.

Got to dash - child fetching service!

I love it.

Deg.

Patsyd1

HI Dag,
No I didn't take it as you criticizing, and I know that you are nice guy

I am just sharing my own experience, strength and hope. I just know for myself that I had many promises to myself and to others, that I wouldn't drink. I had gone to the bar many times, I had sat with old drinking buddies and it never ever failed....I would begin to feel self-pity that I couldn't have a drink......and I always said to myself..."One can't hurt".

When I would put myself into situations, I had no clue about the disease of alcoholism, the mental obsession, the physical compulsion, and the spiritual loss of values. So when these recovering alcoholics at the AA meeting shared with me about this disease, ... well, they were sober, happy and free..... and I didn't have a defense against the first drink. So I took their suggestions literally, and I am so grateful that I did.

I don't know what WTF is....... where did you see that? If you find out, please let me know, I am curious now. lol

Strawberry777

Patsy (and whomever else)

I appreciate your advice about calling people and going to the AA meetings, but have to say they most certainly failed me today (and yesterday and the day before that for a fact).

Did the AA meeting thing, was a first timer Monday night, and only got one hand shake from a 19 year old guy. I felt sooo out of place and totally NOT knowing what in the hell was goin on that I didnt even announce myself as a first timer. NO WAY IN HELL...... what in the heck was the chip thing all about???? (doesnt someone think that maybe they should let new people know what there meetings and rituals are all about?? I know that I was NOT the ONLY new person there) you all say to get phone numbers... well how do you do that when the other "women" are all so clicked togeather that it is nearly impossible to get near them, let alone try and introduce yourself and ask for there numbers.....

very discouraging I must say................. not sure what to do, guess try another AA meeting and hope the people are a bit more open to newbies.

Chy

I'm so sorry your meeting was a disappointment! I would be put off had I been there my first time as well. If I may suggest, don't throw in the towel yet on AA. It is a wonderful fellowship. I'd like to suggest you try a ladies meeting. Get to know the ladies in your group, try another meeting, at a different time... your experiance is not the norm!