Time to stop, looking for support and help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
So here I am again, the deadly drink came back to haunt.
Once again I was doing so well, but I let my guard down at the weekend and ended up binging all weekend and missing a family meal on Sunday.
Once I had that first drink on Saturday night I ended up waking up half cut Sunday, going to work for an hour, then going straight to the pub... WHY!!?
I know I can't drink, but I consistently let myself down but relapsing and binging.
I am now at home with my family (who I am very open about the situation and have talked to them, and they are very understanding and want to help). I am here, but I am crippled with anxiety, I feel sick, depressed and can't sleep. Every part of my body hurts and I just want to curl up in a ball in disappear. I HATE the way drink makes me feel and what it does to me.
I finally have accepted that I am not going to do this alone and I need help. Will be calling the AA later today.
Once again I was doing so well, but I let my guard down at the weekend and ended up binging all weekend and missing a family meal on Sunday.
Once I had that first drink on Saturday night I ended up waking up half cut Sunday, going to work for an hour, then going straight to the pub... WHY!!?
I know I can't drink, but I consistently let myself down but relapsing and binging.
I am now at home with my family (who I am very open about the situation and have talked to them, and they are very understanding and want to help). I am here, but I am crippled with anxiety, I feel sick, depressed and can't sleep. Every part of my body hurts and I just want to curl up in a ball in disappear. I HATE the way drink makes me feel and what it does to me.
I finally have accepted that I am not going to do this alone and I need help. Will be calling the AA later today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 222
Can relate, especially the "loving and happy" part...Sober me isnt the friendliest or most outgoing person. Drunk me is very friendly and far more sociable, nice, and enjoys being around people. Yet so much of drinking career has been characterized by drinking alone/as a recluse because the drinking was the main priority, and it was simpler and safer that way. Not to mention all the time wasted recovering from those binges.
Ironically there have been couple times people have told me they like the sober me better, but I do have kind of a difficult time honestly believing that.
Ironically there have been couple times people have told me they like the sober me better, but I do have kind of a difficult time honestly believing that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Just an update really! Been sober for 12 days now, and the curtain is lifting. My anxieties are going and I am beginning to look and feel like myself again. If that's any reason to give up then I don't know what is! I feel human! The last couple of weeks have been relatively easy considering I work as a musician and play in clubs/bars and at those places have access to free alcohol, but Its not bothered me. Also, I have been spending a lot of time in my hometown by the sea in a town notorious for drinking on the beach and long days sitting in pub gardens, but I've managed to still do all the things without the booze and it feels so so good!
This would usually be the point where I forget about the dark times of hangovers and regret and because I feel good think I can have a couple of drinks, but I know this time I cant, and I would never usually be writing on here at this point as I would feel like I had no need to and I was ok to drink casually again... This is not the point! For anyone new to this, this is the time where keeping clean is most important, your mind will trick you into thinking everything is ok now and a casual drink is ok, it's not. I know from my experiences, one today, one tomorrow, maybe one next week... I would probably do, but at some point amongst that casual drinking a heavy binge will happen again.
This would usually be the point where I forget about the dark times of hangovers and regret and because I feel good think I can have a couple of drinks, but I know this time I cant, and I would never usually be writing on here at this point as I would feel like I had no need to and I was ok to drink casually again... This is not the point! For anyone new to this, this is the time where keeping clean is most important, your mind will trick you into thinking everything is ok now and a casual drink is ok, it's not. I know from my experiences, one today, one tomorrow, maybe one next week... I would probably do, but at some point amongst that casual drinking a heavy binge will happen again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by fridgey 
it takes 4 years to change from drunk to person, so get into rehab first then go forward.
Changes can happen pretty quickly when we fully commit.
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