Time to stop, looking for support and help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Time to stop, looking for support and help.
So, its been a long time coming but I have finally accepted I have a drink problem and really need to stop.
I am 27 since I can imagine starting drinking as a teenager around 15 I have strong (regretful) memories of certain nights and I know I always drank heavily.
I was always the one who had too much to drink going out with mates in my late teens and early 20's, often forgetting nights out etc, but at that age I didn't care and most of the people I was surrounded by also drank quite heavily.
I don't drink all the time, and I never crave a drink be it morning or night, but when I do have a drink that is it... I a drink to blackout, I am the last one out and I wake up drunk the next afternoon regardless of what I have to do.
I have been out hundreds of times and actually had a controlled night and managed to enjoy myself without going to far, but the nights that I do are not worth it.
Over the last few months it has become more and more regular, I wake up the next day in a fit of anxiety, sweats and close to tears, this then lasts for up to a week after.
My last binge lasted 2 days, the problem was I was with other people who were also drinking over the 2 day stretch but no where near as much as myself.
I have woken up in A&E because of it fearing for brain damage as I hit my head on a curb, I have missed work, screwed things up with friends and spend so so much money.
I hate it, I wish I could go for the 1 or 2 drinks that anyone else can go for without having to take it so far. I am currently recovering from the 2 day binge above and I hate myself and it is making me reflect on so so so many 'nights out' with friends that I regret and hate myself for.
I tried to blame work, stress and relationship problems, but I know its more than that. I nearly got sent home from uni on my first night for being too drunk and causing a nuisance.
Im never an angry or abusive drunk, in fact much the opposite I get too loving and happy! Its as if my body gets carried away and my mind shuts off, I will wake up after a blackout and not know what has happened but will have been on a whole night of madness.
I just need to share experiences and talk to someone about this further.
I am a 27 year old male and I work in the music industry so it is so so hard to avoid (but I know I need to).
I am worried about dating and socialising with the people who already know me as I worry about being judged. But im not stupid and realise I would rather be judged for that than a stupid drunken fool.
Its got out of hand, I know it has, once I have been out for a couple of drinks with people and they go home, sometimes I just continue alone.
I used to raid my parents wine rack at night if I had 1 drink prior.
The other problem is I can put a hell of a lot of drink away too! So it completely screws with my system.
On a day to day basis I am fine and am successful at what I do, its just got to the point where 1 or 2 drinks the wrong way sends me spiralling out of control.
HELP!
Thanks
x
I am 27 since I can imagine starting drinking as a teenager around 15 I have strong (regretful) memories of certain nights and I know I always drank heavily.
I was always the one who had too much to drink going out with mates in my late teens and early 20's, often forgetting nights out etc, but at that age I didn't care and most of the people I was surrounded by also drank quite heavily.
I don't drink all the time, and I never crave a drink be it morning or night, but when I do have a drink that is it... I a drink to blackout, I am the last one out and I wake up drunk the next afternoon regardless of what I have to do.
I have been out hundreds of times and actually had a controlled night and managed to enjoy myself without going to far, but the nights that I do are not worth it.
Over the last few months it has become more and more regular, I wake up the next day in a fit of anxiety, sweats and close to tears, this then lasts for up to a week after.
My last binge lasted 2 days, the problem was I was with other people who were also drinking over the 2 day stretch but no where near as much as myself.
I have woken up in A&E because of it fearing for brain damage as I hit my head on a curb, I have missed work, screwed things up with friends and spend so so much money.
I hate it, I wish I could go for the 1 or 2 drinks that anyone else can go for without having to take it so far. I am currently recovering from the 2 day binge above and I hate myself and it is making me reflect on so so so many 'nights out' with friends that I regret and hate myself for.
I tried to blame work, stress and relationship problems, but I know its more than that. I nearly got sent home from uni on my first night for being too drunk and causing a nuisance.
Im never an angry or abusive drunk, in fact much the opposite I get too loving and happy! Its as if my body gets carried away and my mind shuts off, I will wake up after a blackout and not know what has happened but will have been on a whole night of madness.
I just need to share experiences and talk to someone about this further.
I am a 27 year old male and I work in the music industry so it is so so hard to avoid (but I know I need to).
I am worried about dating and socialising with the people who already know me as I worry about being judged. But im not stupid and realise I would rather be judged for that than a stupid drunken fool.
Its got out of hand, I know it has, once I have been out for a couple of drinks with people and they go home, sometimes I just continue alone.
I used to raid my parents wine rack at night if I had 1 drink prior.
The other problem is I can put a hell of a lot of drink away too! So it completely screws with my system.
On a day to day basis I am fine and am successful at what I do, its just got to the point where 1 or 2 drinks the wrong way sends me spiralling out of control.
HELP!
Thanks
x
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Hi and welcome to SR.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can relate to many aspects of it. One similarity is the when I was able to control my drinking I was unable to enjoy it but when I did enjoy drinking I was unable to control it and usually hated myself for it the next day. I have found that it isn't how much I drank, how often I drank, or even what I drank that made me an alcoholic but rather what happened to my life when I drank. For me, my life had this feeling of being is a perpetual motion of steadily spinning more and more out of control while I was drinking. It was a while into sobriety before I was able to look back and truly see how far out of control my life had gone. Thanks to stopping drinking I have been able to stop that out of control merry-go-round and start picking up the pieces of my life that had flown off while I was on it.
SR is a great place to find support and encouragement. There are people who have found SR is all they needed to find sobriety but if you are interested in a bit more help here is a list of programs of recovery. I know that it took a program of recovery for me to find sobriety, I was not able to do it on my own although SR has been a wonderful tool and support for me. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I wish you the best and am glad you are here.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can relate to many aspects of it. One similarity is the when I was able to control my drinking I was unable to enjoy it but when I did enjoy drinking I was unable to control it and usually hated myself for it the next day. I have found that it isn't how much I drank, how often I drank, or even what I drank that made me an alcoholic but rather what happened to my life when I drank. For me, my life had this feeling of being is a perpetual motion of steadily spinning more and more out of control while I was drinking. It was a while into sobriety before I was able to look back and truly see how far out of control my life had gone. Thanks to stopping drinking I have been able to stop that out of control merry-go-round and start picking up the pieces of my life that had flown off while I was on it.
SR is a great place to find support and encouragement. There are people who have found SR is all they needed to find sobriety but if you are interested in a bit more help here is a list of programs of recovery. I know that it took a program of recovery for me to find sobriety, I was not able to do it on my own although SR has been a wonderful tool and support for me. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I wish you the best and am glad you are here.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Welcome.
You sound a lot like me. i reached the end of my drinking at age 22 and had all the same problems you are talking about. when i started drinking, I could not gurantee how much I would drink or when I would stop. I could sometimes, but not everytime.
I found my solution in AA. I know a few people who got sober in London and the AA sounds pretty amazing over there. I would suggest making a phone call to the AA office and asking to speak to someone about your problem. They can answer your questions about AA, and you can talk in confidence with them, and it takes away all the pressure of having to just front up at a meeting cold. If you identify, then you can take it further if you wish.
You sound a lot like me. i reached the end of my drinking at age 22 and had all the same problems you are talking about. when i started drinking, I could not gurantee how much I would drink or when I would stop. I could sometimes, but not everytime.
I found my solution in AA. I know a few people who got sober in London and the AA sounds pretty amazing over there. I would suggest making a phone call to the AA office and asking to speak to someone about your problem. They can answer your questions about AA, and you can talk in confidence with them, and it takes away all the pressure of having to just front up at a meeting cold. If you identify, then you can take it further if you wish.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
hi Acer. Unfortunately I identify with much of your drinking results. In a keep it simple response all the above situations would not have happened if alcohol was not consumed. Very easy to say afterwards until we want to stop the progression of drinking and it progresses fast.
I learned that I cannot drink alcohol in safety and accept it as fact. Being undisciplined I rebelled but that did no good until I surrendered to the facts.
BE WELL
I learned that I cannot drink alcohol in safety and accept it as fact. Being undisciplined I rebelled but that did no good until I surrendered to the facts.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
Hi Acer.
I also wish I could have 1 or 2 like my own mates can.
But I can't. And that's something I have to accept.
But it's not always easy.
My friends are cool about it though, and I often meet them for non-alcoholic drinks. But I usually leave early.
My father in-law has been in the music business for 50 years. He would have drinks handed to him every night when touring. 13 years ago, he got sick and told he can NEVER drink again. He's 70 now and still tours. He doesn't stay long after the gig nowadays, but he still loves it.
Your life won't be over if you get sober. Different, but certainly not worse.
Mine is way better.
I also wish I could have 1 or 2 like my own mates can.
But I can't. And that's something I have to accept.
But it's not always easy.
My friends are cool about it though, and I often meet them for non-alcoholic drinks. But I usually leave early.
My father in-law has been in the music business for 50 years. He would have drinks handed to him every night when touring. 13 years ago, he got sick and told he can NEVER drink again. He's 70 now and still tours. He doesn't stay long after the gig nowadays, but he still loves it.
Your life won't be over if you get sober. Different, but certainly not worse.
Mine is way better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Hi Acer,
Glad to hear you've made the decision to stop. I could've written a lot of what you said myself and quitting has been a very positive change for me.
I can relate about worrying about socializing as well - when I first started working on sobriety, I was worried that I'd become a hermit, unable to socialize again without drinking. Well, once I let people know that I'm quitting, they supported my efforts to get sober and have helped organize ways for me to see my buddies without having to drink. As it turns out, it's nice to be able to go out and see people without having to set aside two days to recover from a raging hangover/mild withdrawal. I have certainly lost a few "friends" since quitting but in retrospect they were people I'd have to get ripped to want to be around, and a few of them are almost certainly alcoholics as well. Your real friends will stick by you.
It's not uncommon to blame your drinking on external factors from what I've heard here and in AA. I had quite a talent for manufacturing reasons to drink. Feeling down? Have all the drinks to make myself feel better. Feeling good? Celebrate. Feeling bored? Drink to pass the time. And so on. Part of recovery for me has been learning to cope with life without retreating back into a bottle to avoid whatever is on my mind at the time.
Anyways, enough rambling from me. I hope you stick with it. There's a lot of support to be had here.
Glad to hear you've made the decision to stop. I could've written a lot of what you said myself and quitting has been a very positive change for me.
I can relate about worrying about socializing as well - when I first started working on sobriety, I was worried that I'd become a hermit, unable to socialize again without drinking. Well, once I let people know that I'm quitting, they supported my efforts to get sober and have helped organize ways for me to see my buddies without having to drink. As it turns out, it's nice to be able to go out and see people without having to set aside two days to recover from a raging hangover/mild withdrawal. I have certainly lost a few "friends" since quitting but in retrospect they were people I'd have to get ripped to want to be around, and a few of them are almost certainly alcoholics as well. Your real friends will stick by you.
It's not uncommon to blame your drinking on external factors from what I've heard here and in AA. I had quite a talent for manufacturing reasons to drink. Feeling down? Have all the drinks to make myself feel better. Feeling good? Celebrate. Feeling bored? Drink to pass the time. And so on. Part of recovery for me has been learning to cope with life without retreating back into a bottle to avoid whatever is on my mind at the time.
Anyways, enough rambling from me. I hope you stick with it. There's a lot of support to be had here.
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
Acer,
I could have written your post myself. I'll be 45 in September. Take advantage of the opportunity to quit now. I am now a little over 6 months stopped and it has gotten much easier. Your addicted brain will tell you you can't have a social life without drinking when in reality the opposite is true. My life has become much more fulfilling without alcohol.
Try something new and stay sober.
TC
I could have written your post myself. I'll be 45 in September. Take advantage of the opportunity to quit now. I am now a little over 6 months stopped and it has gotten much easier. Your addicted brain will tell you you can't have a social life without drinking when in reality the opposite is true. My life has become much more fulfilling without alcohol.
Try something new and stay sober.
TC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Thanks for all of your kind words!
I was doing very well and managed to stay away from anything for about to 2 months.\
I have relapsed massively and am now back in that horrible hole of deep regret and disappointment with myself.
The worst bit about it is, I got so so drunk whilst away at the weekend I was passing out in the street (apparently) and then was beaten up. Im lying here with a black eye and in a world of pain.
The question is, why did I drink!? I know what happens, and this time it has gone too too far! When I am in this hole I say I will never drink again, then it all just goes wrong!
I was doing very well and managed to stay away from anything for about to 2 months.\
I have relapsed massively and am now back in that horrible hole of deep regret and disappointment with myself.
The worst bit about it is, I got so so drunk whilst away at the weekend I was passing out in the street (apparently) and then was beaten up. Im lying here with a black eye and in a world of pain.
The question is, why did I drink!? I know what happens, and this time it has gone too too far! When I am in this hole I say I will never drink again, then it all just goes wrong!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome, Acer. I'm sorry you're in pain, but maybe this is the wake-up call which will get you to quit for good? In any case, I'm glad you're here with people who can support you and relate to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by josharon 
Welcome, Acer. I'm sorry you're in pain, but maybe this is the wake-up call which will get you to quit for good? In any case, I'm glad you're here with people who can support you and relate to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
I've started saying in meetings what I remember hearing the old timers say, " I just got tired of booze kicking my a$$." Since you can't remember being punched in the eye, it seems like an easy way for you to jump onto that cliche bandwagon, too!
Good Luck, glad you're with us here at SR.
Good Luck, glad you're with us here at SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by coraltint
I've started saying in meetings what I remember hearing the old timers say, " I just got tired of booze kicking my a$$." Since you can't remember being punched in the eye, it seems like an easy way for you to jump onto that cliche bandwagon, too!
Good Luck, glad you're with us here at SR.
Good Luck, glad you're with us here at SR.
Its great to have this support here, just reading all of the above replies had really helped me today.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
