newwestdork

Had an interesting point raised in my AA meeting tonight - the difference between admitting you're an alcoholic and accepting it.

I first admitted to my SO that I had a problem with alcohol about a year and a half ago (although it was plainly obvious earlier!). Since then, I've been in and out of sobriety - getting a few months in, having the problems I was facing fade from my attention, then trying to return to "moderate drinking," despite my countless failures to moderate in the past.

In this current round of sobriety, I really am starting to feel like I am starting to accept the problem rather than just admitting to its existence; accepting that I cannot drink like a normal person, despite wishing I could, and accepting that in all honestly, my urge to drink is not an urge to drink normally - I want to drink to get drunk. Accepting that the only way forward is total abstinence from alcohol, and accepting that I won't be able to participate in some "normal" social drinking, ever.

It seems like an obvious point, but like many things in recovery it's taken a while for me to really get it. As another example of my obtuseness, despite having it repeated to me at the end of every AA meeting, I'm only now starting to get the meaning of the Serenity Prayer and to apply it in my daily life.

I've known I am an alcoholic for a long time, but I'm only really now starting to accept it and what it means. A simple but difficult step for me.

Hoping you all have a great, sober day.

Gottalife

A bus is heading straight for me. I admit the bus is heading straight for me. I have accepted the bus is heading straight for me the very second I take the action to get out of the way.

Acceptance is not passive, it means action. I accept I have a problem because I take action to correct it. Acceptance without action can be denial.

newwestdork

Very true. Having accepted that I really actually do have a problem, I'm taking active steps to avoid the metaphorical bus.

MelindaFlowers

Great question. I've always heard that "acceptance means you stop fighting it."

newwestdork

Gottalife - I suppose it's not a point really worth belabouring, but I think the real difference for me is accepting the implications of having an alcohol problem rather than just saying "welp, I've got a problem. Time to get sober for a bit" and then not putting in the long-term work needed.

Perhaps this is all just semantic hairsplitting though, who knows.

afloatsober

I admitted it belligerently, and used it as a reason to drink.
I accepted it with humility, and used it as a motivation to start seeking a solution.
G

Johno1967

I'd say there is a huge difference in my experience. I admitted to be an alcoholic but it took a while to accepting what that meant. Admission was one time, acceptance is everyday.

norcal4runner

Your last year sounds like mine. Few months sober, decide I can "moderately" drink when I clearly cannot. Seems each time I get straight and clean and relapse it only gets worse. I'm only 24 hours sober but accepting, not just admitting is my biggest challenge. I have to accept that I will never put a drop of booze in my body ever again, and especially in the first week this has always weighed heavily on my mind.

PurpleKnight

Admitting that there is a problem and sorting out the problem are different, I think this is where the real acceptance comes from, action to sort it out!!

desypete

acceptance is the key for many of the problems in life for an alcoholic

saying the serenity prayer is one thing but try thinking about what the words really mean

i would chant this over and over again when i was full of fear in early days and i had to do something i was scared of doing
i dont believe in god but i would say the words without the god word and it worked and still does today if i need it as a tool

i know for me the day i walked into an aa room i was beaten there was no more fight left in me to drink anymore
i had lost to much and life was over for me
the problem i had was accepting that i couldn't change things, i couldnt change my ex wife, i couldn't change other people, and its still the same today although i am much more better as seeing when i am trying to change others to my way

i am accept i am an alcoholic, i accept drink is no part of my life today no matter how bad i might feel, or what goes on in my life
the just for today card is a great start for a new way of living, it shown me so much about me as a person as i never wanted to do anything that was on a just for today card as it wasnt my cup of tea
as if i knew what was best for me lol

to the op your following a well trod path my friend the longer your around the more you will find out things that you never knew were there : )

keep coming back and enjoy this new journey of discovery

freshstart57

Admitting there is a problem with alcohol and admitting a dependence and an addiction are important steps of course. But consider that there are many who see that as an explanation or even a justification to drink. 'Of course, I take a drink, you dummy. I'm a drunk. Duh. *burp*'.

I don't believe that anything changes in the above situation until there is acceptance that you no longer drink, acceptance that you have already taken your last drink. That is the only acceptance that really changes things.

Gottalife

Accepting I've got a problem is probably an understatement. One thing we need to find out is the extent of the problem and from there it becomes simpler to accept a solution.

In my case the heart of the problem, the real nature of it, was that I had no effective defence against the first drink. I could drink against my will, any time, whether feeling good or bad, and I would be powerless to stop it. I was beyond human aid. And i would stay that way until I had a spiritual experience.

Accepting that meant I had no choice in what I was going to do if I wished to survive. The suggested program suddenly became a must for me, with nothing left out and no time to spare. Acceptance was when I
acted on that knowledge.

The mission was not so much about not drinking as it was about finding that spirtual experience.

gardendiva

I truly believe that this is the key to successful recovery. Any thoughts or hopes of "maybe one day" are going to trip us up.

Great topic!

Ken33xx

Don't get it.

If I admit I am an alcoholic what is there to accept?

That I can't drink like most people?

If I refuse to accept that than I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic.

tomsteve

"I've known I am an alcoholic for a long time, but I'm only really now starting to accept it and what it means. A simple but difficult step for me."

i also knew i was an alcoholic for a long time. but i never really knew what it meant to be one.
when i got into AA, the very 1st meeting, i admitted i was powerless over alcohol.
in time i accepted it. for some reason that made a difference in me. maybe peace with it?

zjw

yeah it was strange for me. I never felt I had a drinking problem. I had lots of other problems but drinking certainly was not a problem for me. My wife might have had an issue iwth it but I saw that as her problem not mine. Like they say drinking problem? nope I dont think so the fridge is full of beer I dont see any problem at all. That sums up how i felt.

A year after I sobered up I started to accept that I had a drinking problem. All those other problems I started to realize where the result of my drinking. I started to realize that my drinking had caused me problems etc.. Then I was in AA for the first time and had to out with it that i was an alcoholic. That was a sobering thing to say for the first time. Slowly over time in the next 6 months or so I made it known to my wife and others that yes i guess i did have a drinking problem *sigh*.

gardendiva

That you can't drink period.

I admitted I was an alcoholic for 10 years and continued to drink. In April I accepted that I cannot drink again. Admitting is an intellectual exercise, acceptance is the will to make a change.

Ken33xx

I see that as meaning the same thing.

If I could drink like normal people I would but since I can't I don't.

Which means no alcohol.

What did being an alcoholic mean to you?

gardendiva

I drank even when I didn't want to
I drank every day unless I was dry heaving
I drank until I passed out or blacked out
I isolated myself from friends and family
I didn't try to make connections with other people
I put my childrens' lives in danger

Ken33xx

Oh, I can related but I didn't necessarily see myself as an alcoholic at the time.

However, once I admitted I was an alcoholic this went hand in hand with being powerless.

And I haven't had a drink since.