Accepting versus admitting you're an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
For me the big problem with alcoholic style drinking was that I would never get sober for long enough to get useful perspective, to see that there was no "there" there, that drinking did nothing good for me. I needed the acceptance and faith to stay off it long enough to get that necessary perspective. Now I am comfortable with the knowledge that I must never drink again. It's okay. It's actually fun!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
I admitted the alcoholism years before I accepted that the outcome of that was no more drinking ever again.
I was in the "moderation" or "just till I break the physical addiction" mode of false thinking for years.
Since I was a binge drinker, I "appeared successful" in this model to others and myself over many protracted periods of sobriety.
But in my heart, I knew I wasn't done-I hadn't yet accepted I could not drink safely.
Once I did, it got easy to act, but I hated it for awhile.
I don't now. I'm oddly grateful, if that makes a lick of sense. . .
I was in the "moderation" or "just till I break the physical addiction" mode of false thinking for years.
Since I was a binge drinker, I "appeared successful" in this model to others and myself over many protracted periods of sobriety.
But in my heart, I knew I wasn't done-I hadn't yet accepted I could not drink safely.
Once I did, it got easy to act, but I hated it for awhile.
I don't now. I'm oddly grateful, if that makes a lick of sense. . .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
In the beginning of sobriety, I was shocked at how boring everything seemed. Now with some perspective, I can see I confused euphoria with happiness. I confused love with lust. I confused my own pain with anger. I was confused to say the least. I rationalized my problems with external things, people, perceived status.
I had a bad case of envy that ate me up and motivated a desire to consume more things. Resentments towards everything that held me down - except seeing my own role in these. The problem was all of these manifestations in me, JD were Hungry Ghosts. They were my addictions. Like a Hungry Ghost the appetite would never be fulfilled because my thoughts and feelings were not true or authentic. I was the only one who was blind though.
Sobriety gave me a chance to recover. Recovery has and continues to be the most amazing journey of self discovery. I find breakthroughs or miracles happen in waves for me and often begin with friction. As I look back on my posts here I can see the manifestation of this friction directed outwardly at others. Most were a prelude of internal struggle that led to internal growth.
I do believe in the early days going through the motions has certain benefits. For me it was as if I was under a spell and deep down there was this kid trying to save me. The kid was my real personality but weighed down by so much pain and then years of layering substance and behavioral addictions upon him that he could barely breath. I believe its a miracle that I did not suffocate my own voice and personality in my desire to kill myself.
So my point is keep moving forward and be open, honest and willing, no matter what program or non program you subscribe or follow. It can work even if you don't believe or figure it out in the beginning.
At some point though faith in something will need to be genuine for true recovery to stick.
I had a bad case of envy that ate me up and motivated a desire to consume more things. Resentments towards everything that held me down - except seeing my own role in these. The problem was all of these manifestations in me, JD were Hungry Ghosts. They were my addictions. Like a Hungry Ghost the appetite would never be fulfilled because my thoughts and feelings were not true or authentic. I was the only one who was blind though.
Sobriety gave me a chance to recover. Recovery has and continues to be the most amazing journey of self discovery. I find breakthroughs or miracles happen in waves for me and often begin with friction. As I look back on my posts here I can see the manifestation of this friction directed outwardly at others. Most were a prelude of internal struggle that led to internal growth.
I do believe in the early days going through the motions has certain benefits. For me it was as if I was under a spell and deep down there was this kid trying to save me. The kid was my real personality but weighed down by so much pain and then years of layering substance and behavioral addictions upon him that he could barely breath. I believe its a miracle that I did not suffocate my own voice and personality in my desire to kill myself.
So my point is keep moving forward and be open, honest and willing, no matter what program or non program you subscribe or follow. It can work even if you don't believe or figure it out in the beginning.
At some point though faith in something will need to be genuine for true recovery to stick.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Had an interesting point raised in my AA meeting tonight - the difference between admitting you're an alcoholic and accepting it.
Accepting I was an alcoholic = Seeing the truth about my potential to change.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Originally Posted by jdooner 
In the beginning of sobriety, I was shocked at how boring everything seemed. Now with some perspective, I can see I confused euphoria with happiness. I confused love with lust. I confused my own pain with anger. I was confused to say the least. I rationalized my problems with external things, people, perceived status.
I had a bad case of envy that ate me up and motivated a desire to consume more things. Resentments towards everything that held me down - except seeing my own role in these. The problem was all of these manifestations in me, JD were Hungry Ghosts. They were my addictions. Like a Hungry Ghost the appetite would never be fulfilled because my thoughts and feelings were not true or authentic. I was the only one who was blind though.
Sobriety gave me a chance to recover. Recovery has and continues to be the most amazing journey of self discovery. I find breakthroughs or miracles happen in waves for me and often begin with friction. As I look back on my posts here I can see the manifestation of this friction directed outwardly at others. Most were a prelude of internal struggle that led to internal growth..
I do believe in the early days going through the motions has certain benefits. For me it was as if I was under a spell and deep down there was this kid trying to save me. The kid was my real personality but weighed down by so much pain and then years of layering substance and behavioral addictions upon him that he could barely breath. I believe its a miracle that I did not suffocate my own voice and personality in my desire to kill myself.
So my point is keep moving forward and be open, honest and willing, no matter what program or non program you subscribe or follow. It can work even if you don't believe or figure it out in the beginning.
At some point though faith in something will need to be genuine for true recovery to stick.
I had a bad case of envy that ate me up and motivated a desire to consume more things. Resentments towards everything that held me down - except seeing my own role in these. The problem was all of these manifestations in me, JD were Hungry Ghosts. They were my addictions. Like a Hungry Ghost the appetite would never be fulfilled because my thoughts and feelings were not true or authentic. I was the only one who was blind though.
Sobriety gave me a chance to recover. Recovery has and continues to be the most amazing journey of self discovery. I find breakthroughs or miracles happen in waves for me and often begin with friction. As I look back on my posts here I can see the manifestation of this friction directed outwardly at others. Most were a prelude of internal struggle that led to internal growth..
I do believe in the early days going through the motions has certain benefits. For me it was as if I was under a spell and deep down there was this kid trying to save me. The kid was my real personality but weighed down by so much pain and then years of layering substance and behavioral addictions upon him that he could barely breath. I believe its a miracle that I did not suffocate my own voice and personality in my desire to kill myself.
So my point is keep moving forward and be open, honest and willing, no matter what program or non program you subscribe or follow. It can work even if you don't believe or figure it out in the beginning.
At some point though faith in something will need to be genuine for true recovery to stick.
empathy and self-awareness compared to that early guy, who had potential but a lot of baggage.
All our suffering has meant something, I think, in the end.
Maybe that's the purpose of it--negative catalyst for growth.
Acceptance is a milestone on that journey perhaps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Addict
There was a Thread here recently re: the label 'Alcoholic' vs. 'Addict'. I quite-voluntarily term my self an 'Addict'. Full stop. One Gent here found this term 'limiting'. I see it as just the opposite: more accurate, and comprehensive. For me alone, that is...
When we smoked Pot in College, we hit it hard. Same with Collegiate Drinking. Same with the 'First Gen' Meth we did in the mid-70s called 'Poor Man's Cocaine'. And, it was. A great buzz, manufactured without the Battery Acid or Cold Medicine Ingredients used today. Living on the Route north of Denver that Drug Runners used to get Product up to I-80, and the still-infamous Drugs Town of Rock Springs Wyoming, a Neighbor brought over stunning Cocaine got from a Runner. Bolivian Rock. Peruvian Flake. Alcohol: you can guess how that was handled.
When I used to hit it, I hit it hard, and ingested good quality 'stuff'. Single Malts, thank you. It was great fun. Until it wasn't. Nothing unique here.
This Science Guy fully accepts the Genetic 'Imperative' - the Hand I've been dealt, likely being 1/2 Scottish and 1/2 Polish - that I'm predisposed to getting really high. I, and certainly no HP, made me ingest. I, and nothing outside myself, is quite capable of making the binary decision posted by freshstart57 in yet another insightful Post. Quit/change Life Course forever without regrets and Hand wringing.
There is no Epic Battle going on, frankly, to 'avoid' Alcohol. Just dealing with Social Situations and Protocol >5.5 months in. After a stop at the local Dog Park last night, I went to a rockin' Bar packed with Locals, and had the $5 Smoked Wings Special with a Lemonade. Yucked it up watching Folks of all Sobriety levels. Major Eye Candy; nice consolation until Da Wife returns from a Gal Pal Trip to Detroit within the hour.
I like the 'Zen' simplicity of taking this down to the most fundamental, Neural level possible, and making the *I* decision to forever be someone who simply does not Drink.
When we smoked Pot in College, we hit it hard. Same with Collegiate Drinking. Same with the 'First Gen' Meth we did in the mid-70s called 'Poor Man's Cocaine'. And, it was. A great buzz, manufactured without the Battery Acid or Cold Medicine Ingredients used today. Living on the Route north of Denver that Drug Runners used to get Product up to I-80, and the still-infamous Drugs Town of Rock Springs Wyoming, a Neighbor brought over stunning Cocaine got from a Runner. Bolivian Rock. Peruvian Flake. Alcohol: you can guess how that was handled.
When I used to hit it, I hit it hard, and ingested good quality 'stuff'. Single Malts, thank you. It was great fun. Until it wasn't. Nothing unique here.
This Science Guy fully accepts the Genetic 'Imperative' - the Hand I've been dealt, likely being 1/2 Scottish and 1/2 Polish - that I'm predisposed to getting really high. I, and certainly no HP, made me ingest. I, and nothing outside myself, is quite capable of making the binary decision posted by freshstart57 in yet another insightful Post. Quit/change Life Course forever without regrets and Hand wringing.
There is no Epic Battle going on, frankly, to 'avoid' Alcohol. Just dealing with Social Situations and Protocol >5.5 months in. After a stop at the local Dog Park last night, I went to a rockin' Bar packed with Locals, and had the $5 Smoked Wings Special with a Lemonade. Yucked it up watching Folks of all Sobriety levels. Major Eye Candy; nice consolation until Da Wife returns from a Gal Pal Trip to Detroit within the hour.
I like the 'Zen' simplicity of taking this down to the most fundamental, Neural level possible, and making the *I* decision to forever be someone who simply does not Drink.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Mesa - I also self identify as an addict of which alcohol was one of my many addictions. When I attend an AA meeting I identify as an Alcoholic to show respect but personally I know my addictions are far and wide and were well in place long before my first drink and long after my last.
I am glad that the RR approach is working for you and hope you have made a Big Plan. The one observation I would make though is maybe see if other addictions might also exist in your life. To me the book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts helped change my life. I read it exactly when I needed to, to better understand my addictions were and are not limited to my substance abuse. Its one of the reasons I struggled but have also accepted and am working a 12 step recovery method. My mindset and psyche is what needed a rebuild.
I am not going to suggest looking at motives to find food in a bar, but perhaps look at your own choice of words. I think your program, if you are using RR focuses on mindset. Your choice of "Major Eye Candy," while your "wife is away." Perhaps its something to look at or perhaps ignore my suggestion? Either way congrats on the 5 1/2 months though.
BTW - your backstory sounds interesting. Maybe chronicling your experiences and book is in order?
I am glad that the RR approach is working for you and hope you have made a Big Plan. The one observation I would make though is maybe see if other addictions might also exist in your life. To me the book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts helped change my life. I read it exactly when I needed to, to better understand my addictions were and are not limited to my substance abuse. Its one of the reasons I struggled but have also accepted and am working a 12 step recovery method. My mindset and psyche is what needed a rebuild.
I am not going to suggest looking at motives to find food in a bar, but perhaps look at your own choice of words. I think your program, if you are using RR focuses on mindset. Your choice of "Major Eye Candy," while your "wife is away." Perhaps its something to look at or perhaps ignore my suggestion? Either way congrats on the 5 1/2 months though.
BTW - your backstory sounds interesting. Maybe chronicling your experiences and book is in order?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Projection 101
jdooner:
'I am not going to suggest looking at motives to find food in a bar, but perhaps look at your own choice of words. I think your program, if you are using RR focuses on mindset. Your choice of "Major Eye Candy," while your "wife is away." Perhaps its something to look at or perhaps ignore my suggestion?'
Thanks for the unexpected giggle. SR is the best! My Wife's GPS location on one of her Solo Gal Outings - near or far - has zero.dot.zero to do with my Genetics-based Addictions, or potential for Infidelity. The only Tattoo I have is a Celtic-inspired Wedding Ring on my fourth Finger, left Hand that I designed. It doesn't slip off in a Bar. It helps prevent Electrocution or Guitar Fret damage while I indulge my Hobbies. My Marriage is like my Sobriety: permanent. From what the Mind embraces and decides, Behavior follows. Harry Houdini and Yogis could actually slow their Heart Rates by Mind Control. This is how Houdini bought himself time for his underwater escapes without Drowning. Compared to that feat, maintaining Sobriety is a relative Cakewalk.
If I want new Tires, I go to a Tire Shop. If I want my ~2x/month fix of good Wings, I go to busy BBQ Joints/Bars that serve Wings. Bottles of Alcohol are not Triggers anymore to Drinking. They might as well be Bottles of Bleach. For me, good looking Women are not, and never have been, Triggers for Infidelity. Nor were the 'Full Service' Gals a Trigger in the rear of Taiwanese Barbershops where Int'l Businessmen are expected to get a 'Happy Ending' to their Haircut. That's simply a part of Urban Culture there. I can go to their Barbershops and be happy with 'just' a Haircut as surely as I now can go to a Restaurant/Bar and drink only my fav Lemonade.
My Wife returned this morning, laughing about a Married Friend busted by a Sibling for checking out what my Wife described as 'a total Hottie' at a Car Show outside Detroit. Her exact words: 'Just because you're Married doesn't mean you can't look'.
If there's a 12 Step Program to eliminate looking harmlessly at Women, without leering, in a hoppin' Restaurant/Bar, consider it just another 12 Step Program of no interest to me. RR has my Back.
In this Marriage of Granite-etched Boundaries, this is just the independent way we roll. For 37 years now w/o prior Marriages. In my Values Universe, Real Men act honorably in Marriage.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled Thread.
'I am not going to suggest looking at motives to find food in a bar, but perhaps look at your own choice of words. I think your program, if you are using RR focuses on mindset. Your choice of "Major Eye Candy," while your "wife is away." Perhaps its something to look at or perhaps ignore my suggestion?'
Thanks for the unexpected giggle. SR is the best! My Wife's GPS location on one of her Solo Gal Outings - near or far - has zero.dot.zero to do with my Genetics-based Addictions, or potential for Infidelity. The only Tattoo I have is a Celtic-inspired Wedding Ring on my fourth Finger, left Hand that I designed. It doesn't slip off in a Bar. It helps prevent Electrocution or Guitar Fret damage while I indulge my Hobbies. My Marriage is like my Sobriety: permanent. From what the Mind embraces and decides, Behavior follows. Harry Houdini and Yogis could actually slow their Heart Rates by Mind Control. This is how Houdini bought himself time for his underwater escapes without Drowning. Compared to that feat, maintaining Sobriety is a relative Cakewalk.
If I want new Tires, I go to a Tire Shop. If I want my ~2x/month fix of good Wings, I go to busy BBQ Joints/Bars that serve Wings. Bottles of Alcohol are not Triggers anymore to Drinking. They might as well be Bottles of Bleach. For me, good looking Women are not, and never have been, Triggers for Infidelity. Nor were the 'Full Service' Gals a Trigger in the rear of Taiwanese Barbershops where Int'l Businessmen are expected to get a 'Happy Ending' to their Haircut. That's simply a part of Urban Culture there. I can go to their Barbershops and be happy with 'just' a Haircut as surely as I now can go to a Restaurant/Bar and drink only my fav Lemonade.
My Wife returned this morning, laughing about a Married Friend busted by a Sibling for checking out what my Wife described as 'a total Hottie' at a Car Show outside Detroit. Her exact words: 'Just because you're Married doesn't mean you can't look'.
If there's a 12 Step Program to eliminate looking harmlessly at Women, without leering, in a hoppin' Restaurant/Bar, consider it just another 12 Step Program of no interest to me. RR has my Back.
In this Marriage of Granite-etched Boundaries, this is just the independent way we roll. For 37 years now w/o prior Marriages. In my Values Universe, Real Men act honorably in Marriage.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled Thread.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i am right handed i know this and i accept it i dont try to be left handed
i am small in height i know this and accept it and nothing i can do can change it, except to wear heals and as a bloke i would look a bit odd so i accept i am short.
i am an alcoholic i know this and accept it, put a drink in me and find out yourself how i react, dont blame me the next morning if your house is smashed up or i have hit you, or i have done all sorts of damage,
you will then accept i am an alcoholic and make sure you never have anything to do with me again just like everyone else did in my life when i was drinking and who can blame them ?
so today i know i am right handed
i know i am small
and i know i am an alcoholic
i accept it like i accept i am right handed : )
i am small in height i know this and accept it and nothing i can do can change it, except to wear heals and as a bloke i would look a bit odd so i accept i am short.
i am an alcoholic i know this and accept it, put a drink in me and find out yourself how i react, dont blame me the next morning if your house is smashed up or i have hit you, or i have done all sorts of damage,
you will then accept i am an alcoholic and make sure you never have anything to do with me again just like everyone else did in my life when i was drinking and who can blame them ?
so today i know i am right handed
i know i am small
and i know i am an alcoholic
i accept it like i accept i am right handed : )
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
The minute I accepted I was an alkieholic after years of trying to quit, I was able to finally quit.
I find it silly and a waste of time to "admit" it to anyone, including myself. Doing something like that would imply I didn't "mean" it when I accepted it to begin with.
When I quit drinking, I meant it when I said I would never drink again. And I haven't.
Admitting to anything implies the need for validation or acknowledgment by a second party. The minute that second party disappears, so can the premise for the original action.
And I'm just not accepting that.
I find it silly and a waste of time to "admit" it to anyone, including myself. Doing something like that would imply I didn't "mean" it when I accepted it to begin with.
When I quit drinking, I meant it when I said I would never drink again. And I haven't.
Admitting to anything implies the need for validation or acknowledgment by a second party. The minute that second party disappears, so can the premise for the original action.
And I'm just not accepting that.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by FT
The last time I was EVER "powerless" was when I was 8 years old and my daddy was beating me with the buckle of his belt.
I NEVER allowed anyone or anything to EVER make me feel "powerless" again.
I NEVER allowed anyone or anything to EVER make me feel "powerless" again.
also when my wife left me to go and be with her new drinking partner i was powerless and couldn't do anything about it
there have been plenty of times in my life i have been powerless over events hence i would point it out to you that to claim you will never let anything make you feel powerless again in your life is one hell of a claim as you can not control events that will lead you to feel powerless
in my view
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by FT
The last time I was EVER "powerless" was when I was 8 years old and my daddy was beating me with the buckle of his belt.
I NEVER allowed anyone or anything to EVER make me feel "powerless" again.
I NEVER allowed anyone or anything to EVER make me feel "powerless" again.
I too have child abuse in my backstory and I understand very well the feeling of being powerless and helpless. I also understand the delusion I was under that I had power over things I really never did. If I truely had power over my addictions I would not have asked for help.
I like the serenity prayer, as it sort of keeps things in context: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to
change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
In fact, I think this speaks directly to this OP.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
I'd rather avoid the fight you guys are trying to pick regarding "powerlessness."
We are on a speck of dust that is orbiting a star that is part of the Milky Way, which is a galaxy that contains our solar system, which is part of our expanding universe. The Milky Way is a barred spiral galaxy some 100,000–120,000 light-years in diameter, which contains 100–400 billion stars. It may contain at least as many planets as well. The Hubble Space Telescope (HST) site estimates there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe.
Our little speck is going to fall into the sun and we are all going to die. If there are any of us left by then.
Get my point?
You guys are distorting what I believe you KNOW was my original point.
Physics trumps human logic, every time.
The analogies you tried to make regarding the "powerless" of a human being over matters of physics, biochemistry, meteorology, and other things that NO human being has the power to control, are not analgous the point that I am not powerless to control my own action. Your analogies were not only frivolous but not particularly clever.
We are on a speck of dust that is orbiting a star that is part of the Milky Way, which is a galaxy that contains our solar system, which is part of our expanding universe. The Milky Way is a barred spiral galaxy some 100,000–120,000 light-years in diameter, which contains 100–400 billion stars. It may contain at least as many planets as well. The Hubble Space Telescope (HST) site estimates there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe.
Our little speck is going to fall into the sun and we are all going to die. If there are any of us left by then.
Get my point?
You guys are distorting what I believe you KNOW was my original point.
Physics trumps human logic, every time.
The analogies you tried to make regarding the "powerless" of a human being over matters of physics, biochemistry, meteorology, and other things that NO human being has the power to control, are not analgous the point that I am not powerless to control my own action. Your analogies were not only frivolous but not particularly clever.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by newwestdork
Gottalife - I suppose it's not a point really worth belabouring, but I think the real difference for me is accepting the implications of having an alcohol problem rather than just saying "welp, I've got a problem. Time to get sober for a bit" and then not putting in the long-term work needed.
Perhaps this is all just semantic hairsplitting though, who knows.
Perhaps this is all just semantic hairsplitting though, who knows.
Bottom line, do what works for you to keep you sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by FT
I'd rather avoid the fight you guys are trying to pick regarding "powerlessness."
We are on a speck of dust that is orbiting a star that is part of the Milky Way, which is a galaxy that contains our solar system, which is part of our expanding universe. The Milky Way is a barred spiral galaxy some 100,000–120,000 light-years in diameter, which contains 100–400 billion stars. It may contain at least as many planets as well. The Hubble Space Telescope (HST) site estimates there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe.
Our little speck is going to fall into the sun and we are all going to die. If there are any of us left by then.
Get my point?
You guys are distorting what I believe you KNOW was my original point.
Physics trumps human logic, every time.
The analogies you tried to make regarding the "powerless" of a human being over matters of physics, biochemistry, meteorology, and other things that NO human being has the power to control, are not analgous the point that I am not powerless to control my own action. Your analogies were not only frivolous but not particularly clever.
We are on a speck of dust that is orbiting a star that is part of the Milky Way, which is a galaxy that contains our solar system, which is part of our expanding universe. The Milky Way is a barred spiral galaxy some 100,000–120,000 light-years in diameter, which contains 100–400 billion stars. It may contain at least as many planets as well. The Hubble Space Telescope (HST) site estimates there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe.
Our little speck is going to fall into the sun and we are all going to die. If there are any of us left by then.
Get my point?
You guys are distorting what I believe you KNOW was my original point.
Physics trumps human logic, every time.
The analogies you tried to make regarding the "powerless" of a human being over matters of physics, biochemistry, meteorology, and other things that NO human being has the power to control, are not analgous the point that I am not powerless to control my own action. Your analogies were not only frivolous but not particularly clever.
but you can not control events that will make you powerless believe me on this if i could of controled what happend to me son i wouldnt feel so powerless now or then
but i can not control it so i am powerless to do anything other than sit back and take what is going to happen, thats what i had to do hence i thought i would post it up for you to see its a wild claim to make
not a fight at all
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Same here. I'm barely sober. But this time I've actually fully accepted the whole powerlessness thing.
I want to have a glass of wine and curl up with a book like I used to. I want to have a margarita with a friend and laugh a bit harder than I would have with a coke.
But I can never have a glass again. It will always be the entire bottle, and then some, and then driving to the liquor store drunk and getting something harder than wine. I'm basically mourning the last 10 years wherein I could not only drink normally but go months without even thinking about it.
I want to have a glass of wine and curl up with a book like I used to. I want to have a margarita with a friend and laugh a bit harder than I would have with a coke.
But I can never have a glass again. It will always be the entire bottle, and then some, and then driving to the liquor store drunk and getting something harder than wine. I'm basically mourning the last 10 years wherein I could not only drink normally but go months without even thinking about it.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
It must take incredible fortitude to survive the death of your child, and I already said that NO human being can control the biochemistry, or biophysiology, that killed your child. No one, and especially not me, is trying to minimize your pain. I can't think of anything that could make me feel more powerless than that made you feel. And clearly still does.
I make no "wild claims" that I can control the uncontrollable.
What I CAN control are my actions. Specifically, my choice to drink or not drink. Or my choice to behave in whatever other manner I choose to satisfy my desire to live a moral life.
That has NOTHING to do with controlling the forces of the universe, and physics, and biochemistry, and biophysiology, and meteorology, and cosmology, and whatever other -ology you want to put in there.
That is as far as I am willing to go with this argument, which I still consider pretty pointless. I speak for NO ONE but myself, and I never implied nor will I imply that I control anyone else's behavior, and furthermore am not implying that YOU should have had some kind of control over something that was clearly beyond your influence to stop.
I make no "wild claims" that I can control the uncontrollable.
What I CAN control are my actions. Specifically, my choice to drink or not drink. Or my choice to behave in whatever other manner I choose to satisfy my desire to live a moral life.
That has NOTHING to do with controlling the forces of the universe, and physics, and biochemistry, and biophysiology, and meteorology, and cosmology, and whatever other -ology you want to put in there.
That is as far as I am willing to go with this argument, which I still consider pretty pointless. I speak for NO ONE but myself, and I never implied nor will I imply that I control anyone else's behavior, and furthermore am not implying that YOU should have had some kind of control over something that was clearly beyond your influence to stop.
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