LadyBlue0527

I'm finding recently that I'm having a hard time. I don't want to drink, it's the old run to when you just need to take a break and relax. I just headed up project management on a major campaign that is going through the roof. I handle all the administrative work too and I've discovered something about myself. I'm a workaholic. I have neglected spending any quality time here and have exchanged my life for working all day, coming home, eating, and working into the wee hours of the morning. Right back at it both days on the weekends.

I sent an email out to the team today about attention to detail. My direct superior immediately responded and said "Take the day OFF".

I'm needing a reward. I know that this is why I'm feeling this way. Old habits die hard. You work your fingers to the bone and what's the go to reward? A drink. While I was making dinner I thought how nice it would be to have an ice cold beer. Then I did the whole walk through. Since when was an ice cold beer ever a good accompaniment to anything? Never. It was fuel for more beers and nothing else. It was pushing everything out of the way. It was my excuse to shirk all and any responsibility and to only drink. I don't miss any of that.

It isn't a struggle, more of the brain trying to revert to it's old tricks. I'm glad that I have this place. Just needed a little moment to release my thoughts.

PurpleKnight

The reward doesn't have to be a drink, for us that drank it was, but not everyone in the world sees an alcoholic beverage as a reward, we need to expand our definition!!

Great job on pushing through!!

Aellyce

This is exactly why I have never been able to sustain work that is supposed to be motivated by external rewards. If the inspiration does not come from a source within me, I am typically useless and get lazy and perform way below my abilities. To me, it's like happiness... if we expect to find in external things, then the expectations will just raise and never end... and we never find peace and true satisfaction either.

It sounds like you could do with a bit more balance in your life?

Nuudawn

This comes as no surprise to me my dear friend. Workaholism is every bit of an escape mechanism as others. It too finds it roots in self worth (approval seeking perhaps?) and running away from maybe the rest of our underdeveloped, unaddressed lives...

Where is the time for you? Your recovery? Your fun? For a pedicure? For a day lost in a good book? I know you volunteer in ADDITION to your workload.

Your burning the candle at both ends lovely woman...you're running out of wax.

Can you take some time off?

MIRecovery

The are all sorts of ways to reward ourselves. I like nice dinners or a weekend some place fun. Figure out how much you have saved by not drinking and blow half the amount.

I guarantee the world will survive without you

Nuudawn

Love this MIR. I remember when I was knocking myself out working bout 60 hours .a week I'm not sure I believed that. I remember staying late going absolutely nuts trying to get stuff sorted before taking 4 days off.

It was really hard for me to register that the walls were not going to implode in my absence. In my life, it wasn't the first job I had overgiven too..and was walking around angry about.

Gottalife

It was my excuse to shirk all and any responsibility and to only work.

I could be wrong, I often am, but doesn't changing those three letters sum up the situation?

At various times in my life I have found escape from the discomfort of life in reading, sleeping, or working excessively. Then again, there have been times when I have absolutely enjoyed my work and am entirely motivated by the pleasure it brings.

Part of the problem was that I could not just sit still and be with me. There was some sort of internal condition that seemed to compel be to be busy, to occupy my mind with something other than quiet time. I couldn't do quiet. I was restless.

I got upsest when my work wasn't appreciated or when individuals did not play their allotted roles in the grand plan (attention to detail). I was irritable.

And when I felt my talents were not properly recognised and there was no tangible reward for my tireless efforts, I was discontent.

Restless, irritable, discontent. All entirely justifiable, and all extremely dangerous to an alcoholic of my type.

I Had to find a way to be alone and at perfect ease, to get some balance in my life, to feel ok about myself, to feel like I belong in this world with its people, to enjoy all life has to offer. These are some of the best reasons to be sober.

LadyBlue0527

Thanks for the lift you guys. I had to hitch a little ride on the smack in the head train. It must be pity party day for me.

Funny too the whole thought process of the world going on without me. I don't know how many times I say to my staff during the week "Take a breath, don't stress, the world will not crumble if this doesn't get done today.".

Sound like I need to heed my own words!

zjw

I used to be more into my work and beer was a reward. Certainly my employer and my work was not rewarding at all. I'd work hard for that cold one at the end of the day etc.. now i've gotten into other things. I find other things more rewarding hobbies activities etc.. I'll never get a reward at my job. One thing i seek is rewards in other areas of life it seems more meaningful to me. I'm also looking for even more rewarding things to do.

My advice would be to not allow your job to define you etc.. But then again lots of people love there work and what they do and its no big deal to them. In my case its not like that tho.

I know it can be tough to shutoff at the end of the day however. I have no magical answer to that. cup of tea or something but its not the same. I still have issues unwinding.

Cow

BlueLady, I work in industry where everything is reward with drinks. At some point, after I deep into self-destructive alcoholism, I not even know why I doing it. Cuz drinks was not really enhance accomplishment in any way. It just make me feel sad and detach from accomplishment. Cuz once I get high, is all about high. I still trying to figure out how to just "be" with accomplishment. It still feel like drinks time for me ...but why?

Croissant

LadyBlue, just wanted to say commiserations from one workaholic to another.

Also, you probably aren't as calm as you think you are (that was a hard one for me to admit), given your supervisor told you to have the day off. Please don't burn yourself out....it serves no one.

I'm still figuring my way through why I find so much validation in working so hard, and other work related stuff - so no real insight from me on that issue, just empathy for your current situation.

Please don't drink. I did because of a work situation last October, and it made me even more resentful about my job. I felt like the Elephant Man, where at the end of the movie he just wants to sleep flat, like a normal person. I just wanted to go pick up a shoulder of lamb to roast and a nice red to drink at the end of a long, hard, effed up week. It was a mistake. I should have been going for good long walks every day, at the very least.

To get through it, I would think not about the drink, but about the time you need to invest to that drink, cos it won't be one relaxing drink, it will be several....which takes 2 hours at least, then I lose at least 5 hours in hangover mode the next morning. That's 7 hours.

7 hours is plenty of time to find something else more nourishing and revitalising to your soul, than drinking. And I know you will.xx

Dee74

My workaholism came from a sense of guilt I guess.
I wasted so many years I was hellbent on not wasting anymore.

But I had to resign as the General Manger of the Universe because it was destroying me as much as my alcoholism did.

I have to take time to smell the roses. Everyday.
The more I did little things like that the more rewarding they became.

Take some Lady Blue time - revel in it, enjoy it - and get used to it

D

DuhDave

DONT DO It !!!
You're only craving something cold and "Bubbly" going down your throat !!!...It can be anything other than a beer !!! Ginger Ale???...Root Beer !!!...Coca-Cola.... ...anything except...(you
know what) !!!

Nuudawn

So when are you rewarding yourself with a day OFF?
AND what are you going to do with that day off?

LadyBlue0527

I backed away from the computer last night and said enough is enough. I am on call next weekend for my volunteer work both on the 4th and the 5th, I did this purposely as a safety mechanism, this is one of "those" holidays. Everyone with the bbqs and the drinking. Feeling safe but the commitment sews it up for me.

You guys have given me a lot to think about. I'm just at a point where I have been promoted and am in a position that's lateral to the job I was fired from because of my drinking. This makes me extremely eager to please. So I'm (or was) killing myself to do just that.

Taking some time for me this weekend! Thanks again everybody, no one can flip the gauge on the strength meter like you guys can

courage2

Seems like for me this is one of the big theme of my year, so far. What's my motivation/reward system if it's not drinking? What do I look forward to? It's one thing to recognize that drinking is a bad reward system, but you can only starve yourself of pleasure for so long -- and if you haven't found another source of pleasure, you'll go back to the drink. At least, that was true for me.

I'm experimenting. What excites me, gives me pleasure, and doesn't cause any serious harm? We'll see. At this point, drinking for me would represent a failure of my imagination.

I hope you have fun while you're hunting for a new "go to" reward!!!

IOAA2

Hi LB.
I do hope your deep into EASY DOES IT!

BE WELL