rc4dt1

Besides just not using....

How do you feel emotionally? More self-confidence? Better relationships?

How long did it take?

Today I feel like I have not made much progress, emotionally/mentally. Of course, it's great not to be coming off a binge weekend. But I am still not feeling great about myself... still quite self-conscious, sad about what I don't have in my life (EX GF, height, good looks, car, etc), still relying on some compulsive behaviors...

I know it's progress, not perfection... and I am very grateful for the blessings I have in life (I do gratuity texts with my sponsor every day and they help). But I just am not feeling well. I'm 65 days clean and working my 4th step.

I guess I just feel like I should be further along since I wasn't an every day user (weekend binge user), I have had clean time in the past, I have been in therapy for a while, have a great career, and I take good care of myself (aside from the drug use).

I suppose what I am missing right now is a sense of self-acceptance and hope/faith that I will find happiness in the future.

Thanks all. Hope you all have a good day

FT

Hi rc4dt1,

I just answered another poster, a fitness instructor, about what happens to our natural ability to feel pleasure after opiate use. Rather than repeat it again, maybe check out my answer.

Opiates are a mood enhancing drug, but they damage your natural ability to produce and respond to your own endorphins. When you flood your system with artificial endorphins (opiates), your body stops making them -- because it doesn't need to.

After you quit, it takes time to start producing endogenous endorphins again. And even after you do, your damaged receptor sites don't function normally. The result is a sense of the wind being knocked out of your sails, so to speak.

The best way to get back your pleasure receptors and make enough endorphins to start feeling that warm pleasurable sense again is movement. Even if you aren't athletic, start exercising -- I walk and bicycle. You can pick what you like.

Shoot for at least 30 minutes a day of some body movement that is aerobic, or gets your heart rate up sufficiently to burn oxygen more rapidly.

Even though you weren't a daily user, these things hold true.

Post and ask questions. Don't be afraid to join another thread where we talk to each other about these things. You are welcome.

You might want to join a thread that gets a lot of activity.

FT

What I just said was not about relationships, but emotional well being is necessary for that. That's why I answered the way I did.

TiredEnough

I guess what I have found is getting off drugs does not solve all your problems. It doesn't make everything perfect or provide you with all the things you ever wanted. What it does do is give you a solid baseline to start working towards those things, though. I think this trips alot of people up because they expect bliss if they can just get through wds and get a few months between them and the dope. I remember feeling that way and finally crashing into reality

If you are on drugs, you may have 99 problems. After you stop, you have 98 but you are in a way better position to deal with them.

PurpleKnight

Physically - I no longer wake up with a hangover everyday and don't throw up in the shower as I had began to do just before I quit, my body has adjusted to allow me to sleep a full 8/9 hours deep sleep, my energy levels have therefore increased, my immune system has probably improved with getting proper rest, nutrition and exercise as I no longer get niggling coughs etc, people at work have commented on my complexion and that I have dropped a few pounds in weight. Dehydration is a thing of the past, also pains in my abdomen and other digestive problems have since cleared up.

Mentally - I now have a more positive outlook on life, with less anxiety, alcohol seemed to be the root cause of me feeling depressed and anxious in life, a cloud has finally lifted, life is also less stressful as planning my next drink and worrying about facilitating my drinking took up a lot of my time. I also have a lot more confidence in myself, I applied for a promotion at work a few months after becoming Sober, something I would never have thought to do.

Life Circumstances - At face value, for those looking in nothing looks like it has changed, I have the same job, drive the same car, am still single and rent my own place, but on the inside it's a whole different story.

I am definitely both physically and mentally better off without alcohol, healthier than I have been in years, is it happiness? I have no idea, but I do know I am in a better place compared to the down spiral I was previously on.

Boudicca

What a positive question! Thank you for asking!

I am only sober 23 days, but my life is better because I am not smashed 24/7. Right now that's enough, lol!
Best luck to you.

KAD

12 days into sobriety, I feel better physically and mentally. I still get very, very tired about mid afternoon and can't seem to sit through a movie without dozing off, but I put that off to never sleeping through the night when I drank. I still feel anxious and have trouble concentrating, but I expect those things to pass with longer sobriety. As I've said before, I became a drunk one day at a time, why would I expect recovery to be any faster?

Climber122

What's worked for me is not getting too married to my feelings over a few years of sobriety. When we make decisions using our feelings as a guide, we are relying on that part of us most vulnerable to our addiction. A guy I used to know in the Rooms used to always say "I can't fix this head with this head." I like that because it reminds me what's broken!

Think about feelings: How many times did we use or drink to feel better about a crappy day or feelings resulting from a traumatic or difficult situation? And then how often did we use or drink to feel elated, free... high? Either way, we had to adjust how we felt by consuming a drug...

It's great that you're in therapy - work with your therapist to find your biggest reasons for staying clean and go to those in good times and bad. Keep a support system close at hand - family, friends, support groups etc., and they can help remind you why you are staying clean today. It's that commitment - that realization that "yes, I'm an addict and using will start me down the path to some places I don't want to be..." Knowing that, I can feel good or bad, but it doesn't change who I am, and that I have a condition that is real and that precludes me from drinking or using.

courage2

Physically things are better 100% -- no shakes, no morning dry heaves, no chronic diarrhea, no pre-ulcer stomach pain.

Emotionally, I'm not depressed anymore.

Otherwise, I'm learning to take pleasure in regular sober life -- little things like fresh fruit, music, poetry, a walk to the river. I'm more honest with other people. I'm starting to allow myself to engage more with people and things.

Before: I was sick, physically dependent, seriously depressed, and had an incredibly limited life that revolved around daily drinking. Everything is better now!

gardendiva

I'm close to 3 months sober and the best descriptor for me is competent. I'm much more competent at parenting, at my job, at relating to others and life in general.

Great topic, thanks for starting it!

resolute50

I'll be 11 months in a few days.

Much more involved in my wife and daughter's life.
When I tell somebody I'm going to do something,I do it.(keep promises)
Don't lie anymore.
Take on new challenges.
Sleep better at night,no racing mind,night worries.
Finish what I start,projects...ect
Confidence at work.
Not afraid to go out to places,do new things.
Keep a tidy house and yard.
Fix or replace things around the house


You know "happiness"?

The United States Declaration of Independence says.
" Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ".
So go pursue it, and enjoy life.

zjw

i've lost weight gotten out of debt I have more confidence i'm fit in shape i take better care of myself. I'm not as depressed etc.. the list goes on.

I also have my ups and downs as well.

Someone posted this a while back on the board I'll post it again here I think its applicable to the OP's post.

davidw86

I'm coming up for a year sober on 9th July 2014. I really didn't start feeling better till a couple of months ago but what a difference now. Feeling more confident and happy being in my own skin, I feel as if I can achieve anything I set my mind to now which is often as I'm always trying new things. I was really struggling those first few months thinking that nothing would change but I'm glad I stuck with it and I hope you do too because you will turn a corner at some point. All the best in your recovery.

LadyinBC

65 days is no small feat! that is awesome. Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes time to find our equilibrium when it comes to our mental and emotional health. It just doesn't happen overnight. It will come, just be patient and keep doing what you are doing .

NoJimmy

It was a struggle for me until somewhere between 60 and 90 days, something gelled for me around that time. I started feeling like re-engaging socially, and obviously that meant not in my old drinking circles.
I'm still fairly new at 8 months, but I feel pretty comfortable with the new life I've built around sobriety. My dangerous drunk alter-ego (Jimmy) was something I tried to keep hidden from many close to me. My ability to control his appearances did not improve with time. I like that I am me 24/7, no more secrets, no more double-life. I am reliable, predictable, genuine and I no longer wake up in a haze to hear the terrible things I've done or said the night before. I have meaningful people in my life that I trust I will not run off due to my dangerous behavior or self destruction. Getting hammered takes a lot of time and energy, I am more physically active than ever.

rc4dt1

Thanks David. This really helps. And thanks to everyone else, too!! All of the posts on here provide hope.

Stride34

You're right about this, and the misconception that cutting out drugs or alcohol is the only answer is what eventually causes many people to relapse.

When you cut out a bad habit that's been threatening you in some way ,there's a periods of weeks or several months, where you feel accomplished, or relieved over escaping danger, aka the pink cloud. After some time passes, the downside and pain of the drugs/alcohol addiction memory fades, as you adjust to your new, safer, maybe more boring reality, which can be very painful in its own right if you're not living properly...the condition is also known as 'dry drunk' and is miserable.

This is the crucial time where one needs to form the habits necessary to pursue well-being and happiness on a daily basis, in order to make sobriety comfortable, enjoyable and long-lasting.

gardendiva

Also, ironically, I'm much more relaxed.

Gottalife

Better seems such an inadequate word. I suppose it's possible to not drink by going to heaps of meetings and the end result will be better. If we don't drink much of our external world gets better by default.

But experience shows that this approach is only better some of the time. If we miss a few meetings, the wheels start to fall off. The highlight of our day is at the end of the meeting. That's when we feel our best, and its all down hill from there, until the next meeting lifts us up again. I guess that's better than drinking.

My life is different. It bears no relation to the old life. It is way better than better. I took the steps and had a spiritual experience which resulted in a profound change in my reaction to life. The number of meetings I attend or miss as the case may be, has no bearing on how I feel inside. That "pink cloud" feeling I got when I first came to AA, the feeling that I was going to be ok, and I was on the right path, is with me all the time. I dont "need" a meeting to make me feel better. But I do need to be helping others, and I get a great deal of pleasure out of that.

I am a completely different person today. It took 3 months of intense AA to bring about the spirtual experience and lay the ground work for future growth. This happened at step 9. At this point we enter "the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an over night matter, it should continue for a life time."

queenofheartz09

I love the self control and being able to remember everything. I also like waking up in a good mood and not wondering if I did something stupid or pissed someone off.