Difficult Feelings Brought Up
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Difficult Feelings Brought Up
Tonight a man came in to the meeting drunk. Afterwards he wouldn’t leave and I think eventually they had to call the police. I hate to admit this, because it is mad. But when I see people drunk, even in that state, even behaving horribly, even knowing that they will wake up full of regret, I want to be drunk. I spoke to someone online today and she said it makes her feel sick, knowing how easily that could be her. And I can understand that, really. But just now, just these moments, I want to feel that madness.
Afterwards, I sat with a friend and had chips by the canal. That’s not very relevant but it was nice. Gratitude list.
Afterwards, I sat with a friend and had chips by the canal. That’s not very relevant but it was nice. Gratitude list.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
dollpart,
your post made me look up an old one of mine on another forum. i was a couple of months sober and started a thread called "oh yuck!", yuck because someone else relapsed and i felt envy, wanted the madness.
it was, of course, madness to want that madness.
and after talking to a few people, i realized that my feelings had stopped at the envy , and when i realized that i could move on to compassion and sorrow for their pain.
but yeah, i wanted it, felt disgusted about wanting it, got stuck there for a bit, got scared, moved on...
it was years ago.
dollpart, these things happen, and we feel what we feel. for me it was hugely valuable to talk about all this stuff as it came up, on my daily forum.
so i'm glad to see you post about it and get feedback and explore yourself, so to speak.
the envy was a feeling. feelings come and go. feeling that i wanted that madness...it was a kneejerk thing, like so many other feeling-reactions. and yeah, it felt sick. dirty.
and i had no need to act on it.
neither do you.
keep going.
your post made me look up an old one of mine on another forum. i was a couple of months sober and started a thread called "oh yuck!", yuck because someone else relapsed and i felt envy, wanted the madness.
it was, of course, madness to want that madness.
and after talking to a few people, i realized that my feelings had stopped at the envy , and when i realized that i could move on to compassion and sorrow for their pain.
but yeah, i wanted it, felt disgusted about wanting it, got stuck there for a bit, got scared, moved on...
it was years ago.
dollpart, these things happen, and we feel what we feel. for me it was hugely valuable to talk about all this stuff as it came up, on my daily forum.
so i'm glad to see you post about it and get feedback and explore yourself, so to speak.
the envy was a feeling. feelings come and go. feeling that i wanted that madness...it was a kneejerk thing, like so many other feeling-reactions. and yeah, it felt sick. dirty.
and i had no need to act on it.
neither do you.
keep going.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Firstly...this....
7 weeks sober now. Literally made me exclaim, "Oh Wow!", out loud.
That is the most precious thing you have right now...really. Every....Single....Thing....depends on it.
What you saw tonight, and what you felt...was a feeling. Acknowledge it, and realise our addictive voice hides the truth from us. That's it's mode of operation in order to succeed. Euphoric recall. Look it up.
I read your post and immediately felt sad repulsion for what that man is going through. I rarely have any envious feelings anymore, and when I do, I say, "oh, hello you"....and zap it. It's not me, it's the old lizard, trying to lead me back to hell.
Originally Posted by dollpart 
7 weeks sober now.
That is the most precious thing you have right now...really. Every....Single....Thing....depends on it.
What you saw tonight, and what you felt...was a feeling. Acknowledge it, and realise our addictive voice hides the truth from us. That's it's mode of operation in order to succeed. Euphoric recall. Look it up.
I read your post and immediately felt sad repulsion for what that man is going through. I rarely have any envious feelings anymore, and when I do, I say, "oh, hello you"....and zap it. It's not me, it's the old lizard, trying to lead me back to hell.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: london
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by fini
dollpart,
your post made me look up an old one of mine on another forum. i was a couple of months sober and started a thread called "oh yuck!", yuck because someone else relapsed and i felt envy, wanted the madness.
it was, of course, madness to want that madness.
and after talking to a few people, i realized that my feelings had stopped at the envy , and when i realized that i could move on to compassion and sorrow for their pain.
but yeah, i wanted it, felt disgusted about wanting it, got stuck there for a bit, got scared, moved on...
it was years ago.
dollpart, these things happen, and we feel what we feel. for me it was hugely valuable to talk about all this stuff as it came up, on my daily forum.
so i'm glad to see you post about it and get feedback and explore yourself, so to speak.
the envy was a feeling. feelings come and go. feeling that i wanted that madness...it was a kneejerk thing, like so many other feeling-reactions. and yeah, it felt sick. dirty.
and i had no need to act on it.
neither do you.
keep going.
your post made me look up an old one of mine on another forum. i was a couple of months sober and started a thread called "oh yuck!", yuck because someone else relapsed and i felt envy, wanted the madness.
it was, of course, madness to want that madness.
and after talking to a few people, i realized that my feelings had stopped at the envy , and when i realized that i could move on to compassion and sorrow for their pain.
but yeah, i wanted it, felt disgusted about wanting it, got stuck there for a bit, got scared, moved on...
it was years ago.
dollpart, these things happen, and we feel what we feel. for me it was hugely valuable to talk about all this stuff as it came up, on my daily forum.
so i'm glad to see you post about it and get feedback and explore yourself, so to speak.
the envy was a feeling. feelings come and go. feeling that i wanted that madness...it was a kneejerk thing, like so many other feeling-reactions. and yeah, it felt sick. dirty.
and i had no need to act on it.
neither do you.
keep going.
I got through last night without a drink, and I can get through today. I just really didn't need that reminder of how I could be.
And I do feel compassion, but at the moment it's all tangled up with the desire to get drunk.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: london
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Croissant
Firstly...this....
Literally made me exclaim, "Oh Wow!", out loud.
That is the most precious thing you have right now...really. Every....Single....Thing....depends on it.
What you saw tonight, and what you felt...was a feeling. Acknowledge it, and realise our addictive voice hides the truth from us. That's it's mode of operation in order to succeed. Euphoric recall. Look it up.
I read your post and immediately felt sad repulsion for what that man is going through. I rarely have any envious feelings anymore, and when I do, I say, "oh, hello you"....and zap it. It's not me, it's the old lizard, trying to lead me back to hell.
Literally made me exclaim, "Oh Wow!", out loud.
That is the most precious thing you have right now...really. Every....Single....Thing....depends on it.
What you saw tonight, and what you felt...was a feeling. Acknowledge it, and realise our addictive voice hides the truth from us. That's it's mode of operation in order to succeed. Euphoric recall. Look it up.
I read your post and immediately felt sad repulsion for what that man is going through. I rarely have any envious feelings anymore, and when I do, I say, "oh, hello you"....and zap it. It's not me, it's the old lizard, trying to lead me back to hell.
Thanks for all your comments on all my threads, your positivity always makes me smile.I looked up euphoric recall and that's exactly what this is. I remember the feeling of being drunk, the not caring, even the anger, keeping me afloat. And I am struggling to remember just how dangerous and awful it/ I was.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by dollpart
Tonight a man came in to the meeting drunk. Afterwards he wouldn’t leave and I think eventually they had to call the police. I hate to admit this, because it is mad. But when I see people drunk, even in that state, even behaving horribly, even knowing that they will wake up full of regret, I want to be drunk. I spoke to someone online today and she said it makes her feel sick, knowing how easily that could be her. And I can understand that, really. But just now, just these moments, I want to feel that madness.
Afterwards, I sat with a friend and had chips by the canal. That’s not very relevant but it was nice. Gratitude list.
Afterwards, I sat with a friend and had chips by the canal. That’s not very relevant but it was nice. Gratitude list.
seems like ya may have learned a couple things-
maybe some on the powerless thing,maybe a lil of the unmanageability.
ya could use some restoring to sanity!
im thinkin sittin on the canal with a friend havin chips is very relevant. could have been yer HP steppin in there.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i should have added that it was years ago.
and that getting that envious feeling and getting scared...well, it doesn't mean a road to relapse.
I just really didn't need that reminder of how I could be.
hm...those reminders...i don't go looking for them, but i put them to good use when they come punching me in the gut.
way to go on starting your eighth week, dp.
and that getting that envious feeling and getting scared...well, it doesn't mean a road to relapse.
I just really didn't need that reminder of how I could be.
hm...those reminders...i don't go looking for them, but i put them to good use when they come punching me in the gut.
way to go on starting your eighth week, dp.
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