dSober

Yep, me too. Hate and blame were killing me. Love is saving my life. I think Dee's guy had something to say (sing) about that. Jesus Christ did too.

Grungehead

I really like your analogy Mike -- I might have to use that in the future with your permission.

I heard a guy talking about the 3rd step and trying to explain the decision in step 3. He asked the group the following question: If there are 2 birds sitting on a wire and 1 of them decides to fly away how many birds are now on the wire? Step 3 is making a decision (to fly away) and step 4 is putting that decision into action (actually flying away).

jdooner

I guess I am not disagreeing. I keep moving forward but revisiting this step to make it more solid. I am still not 100% there is all.

tomsteve

father martin said something to bill w on his 1st visit with him, which happened to be at a time bill was struggling spiritually that sticks with me:" we will never comprehend or fully understand God. for to fully comprehend and understand God would mean we are equal."


"I believe there's one place it's lacking in terms of achieving its desired results: Step 3."

dsober, you've been doin quite a bit of footwork on the steps. good on ya!
but one thing here:
is the the BB lacking or you? were you complicating it?
heres 2 things from the BB and its quite simple:

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.

When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?

the simpler I make it the easier it is.

dSober

I'm with ya Gottalife. But I've never been asked to turn my will and my life over to the care of a TV program I couldn't somehow envision. I had to "see" it first. Maybe that's faith. But I had to understand better: faith in what? Faith in love works; faith in conscience too; they're something I can envision, and I know they are, or contain, good. I definitely felt though, the following steps reinforced, and further defined, my concept of, and faith in, what I envisioned.

Thinking back... I tried "Good" for a while. I think that was close but apparently not quite good enough, at least back then. Maybe I was just "meant to be" one of those low bottom cases and hadn't quite hit it yet. Or maybe I was just being stubborn. Maybe love and conscience work now because I hit my bottom. "Good" seems to sound better now too, lol.

dSober

i.e. Step 2, humility. That one was easy for me. Alcohol had humbled me already, big time.

I knew I was on my way. The next step was considerably harder, too hard, for me, at that time. The results of that were not good.

I was on my knees. I just didn't know then to what?

sugarbear1

I thought humility was in step 4....when we look at our behaviors.....

dSober

Btw all. I did find my Higher Power, finally. I meant this thread to help others who haven't yet and to help speed up the process for them. To help raise the bottom if you will.

dSober

Jeez sugar, am I gonna have to review my BB again? I downloaded a pdf of it a while back for just such an emergency

I dunno but I felt pretty humble when I came to believe there was a Power greater than myself and greater even than alcohol. Wow, 2 powers greater than myself.

mick3580

The book doesn't ask us to understand God. Working the steps results in intuitive understanding.

desypete

as many know since my son died i point blank now refuse to use the word god as it makes me think of a god of the bible and Jesus and all that holy nonsense that is just based on a book, the bible

so for me step 3 was to find a higher power that i could believe in. i wasted a good few years trying to find this god
i went to Jehovah wittiness,Mormons the bible the church etc stupidly believing if i didn't find a god i might drink again

when i finaly gave in looking for this god that others seemed to have i then found my own higher power and it was right there under my nose
AA
when i thought about i couldnt get through a day without a drink until i came to AA
my complusion is gone for drink thanks to AA
and i live a new why of life today trying to not to be my will but AA will of being good and kind and helping others

that's a tall order for me as an alcoholic as i am so selfish and self centered so to practice helping others was the exact opposite of my true nature

the good news is the more i practise it the more it becomes my nature and after years now of doing it, its now like second nature to me

so my step 3 was easy once i could understand what a higher power was as the god word blocked me

if the bb was written today i believe they would swap the word god for the word high power as its clear people find there own and sadly the god word does put people off aa

hence i have to spell it out loud and clear that to be in aa and to get aa helps you do not have to believe in a god it isnt a requirement
in the hope people will try aa and look past that side of things

Boleo

My understanding of step 3 has changed many times over the years;

It went from being a God step, to being a surrender step, to being a decision step, to being a willingness step, to being a commitment step, to being a detachment step.

Today I see it as a decision to stop living my life based on decisions. Perhaps my understanding will be completely different next year (I hope so).

Gottalife

Nice one Dsober. Pin this one up on the wall. Its the last thing a self centred person with untreated alcoholism would be doing!

Gottalife

A big part of the AA message comes from the sober alcoholic sitting in front of you who says he has found an answer. We instictively know he was like us, and we can see he has found a way out.

He takes us to a meeting where we see even more people who are the same. They say it works and it's worth doing.

Just like the people who tell us about a good tv program. We trust them and take their word for it. So we decide to do it/watch it, but nothing happens until we get into a position to see it. That's the action of turning on the tv, or, in the case of the steps, removing the things that block our view, starting with step 4. The step 3 decision is now accomplished fact.

dSober

I don't doubt that that works for some. I'm simply saying that I couldn't "see it" until I could see it. I finally did and I know how. I couldn't fully do step 4 until then. I don't defend my "hang up" at all. It was very costly.

dSober

I think one of the biggest problems many people have with AA is the few that try to shove the steps down people's throats. Not just step 3 but all of them. I think it causes more resentments than it fixes.

I think a much better approach is to nudge... gently, slowly, patiently. We are all, or were all, very sick people. We need time to heal. Some longer than others.

Dee74

For anyone who wants to contribute further, there's an identical thread in 12 step.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...targetted.html

to save confusion this one is closed.

Dee
Moderator
SR