How do I Even Start to Get Better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
How do I Even Start to Get Better
Welp, can't believe I'm here or it's come to this, but I have to share my story with someone.
I'm 28, 29 in 2 weeks. Have been a heavy drinker for 10 years and gotten particularly bad within the last 2. Been in and out of work and when I'm not working it gets really bad. This week alone I've probably had 70 drinks. I have a girlfriend and lied to her that I quit, but I just drink secretly when she's around or before I see her. I've gotten about $10k in debt, have no real ambition and have started to have a lot of health problems: short term memory loss, acne, gastritis, throat soreness, vomiting, etc. Recently I also have problems with speech, switching words or just not having the same insight in conversation that I used to have. In one way or another, I feel like I've ruined just about every opportunity I've had in the last year. I've walked off jobs, avoided friends, e-mails, pretty much made it so that I have no support group outside of my girlfriend. In short, I'm dying and I need help but am overwhelmed.
So my questions is: How do I even start to get better?
I'm 28, 29 in 2 weeks. Have been a heavy drinker for 10 years and gotten particularly bad within the last 2. Been in and out of work and when I'm not working it gets really bad. This week alone I've probably had 70 drinks. I have a girlfriend and lied to her that I quit, but I just drink secretly when she's around or before I see her. I've gotten about $10k in debt, have no real ambition and have started to have a lot of health problems: short term memory loss, acne, gastritis, throat soreness, vomiting, etc. Recently I also have problems with speech, switching words or just not having the same insight in conversation that I used to have. In one way or another, I feel like I've ruined just about every opportunity I've had in the last year. I've walked off jobs, avoided friends, e-mails, pretty much made it so that I have no support group outside of my girlfriend. In short, I'm dying and I need help but am overwhelmed.
So my questions is: How do I even start to get better?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Pveg: Your story is a familiar one to many here on SR. We understand how it feels. There is definitely a way to a better life though, and it's not too late at all to get started today. Have you stopped drinking yet or are you still? It doesn't really matter even if you still are, just gives everyone here a place to start the conversation.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I think admitting you have a problem is a great start. You can't get better until you know what it is you are getter better for. Joining SR is a good step too. Lot's of support here. Next might be giving up the drink, and then thinking about the changes you need to make in your life to support that decision.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
I like you came here seeking support and help, my life was on the edge of disaster, things weren't looking too good, but there is hope!!
Alcohol is the first thing that any of us in the same position needs to address, with Sobriety everything else in life becomes easier and we can start to live to our potential, jobs, relationships, finances etc!!
How do you get Sober? you will need support and the will to do it, one day at a time is the mantra that you'll hear a lot, but it's true.
Are you going to drink in the next 30mins? the next hour? if not then great, you're closer to bedtime, and that's it, make it to bedtime and you haven't drank today, tomorrow you then get another today to focus on, clock up some Sober time and you are well on your way to cracking it!!
It can be done, YOU can do this!!
I like you came here seeking support and help, my life was on the edge of disaster, things weren't looking too good, but there is hope!!
Alcohol is the first thing that any of us in the same position needs to address, with Sobriety everything else in life becomes easier and we can start to live to our potential, jobs, relationships, finances etc!!
How do you get Sober? you will need support and the will to do it, one day at a time is the mantra that you'll hear a lot, but it's true.
Are you going to drink in the next 30mins? the next hour? if not then great, you're closer to bedtime, and that's it, make it to bedtime and you haven't drank today, tomorrow you then get another today to focus on, clock up some Sober time and you are well on your way to cracking it!!
It can be done, YOU can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
awesome you are here! all of that stuff could be repaired.
the best thing you could do at this point, is to make appt. with physician, and then be honest with him/her about amount consumed. while withdrawing, it is primarily a medical problem. it can be dealt with at home, if not super severe.
as you go through that process, do research, as able, and decide whether you need some rehab. from folks i've met, rehab at decent facilities is rarely regretted.
after that, its about choosing your strategy for long term recovery. there are many with good results.
on a personal note, Way To Go! admitting that youre having trouble, and reaching out are the biggest steps. if i would have done so at the age of 28, i would have saved myself some grief.
the best thing you could do at this point, is to make appt. with physician, and then be honest with him/her about amount consumed. while withdrawing, it is primarily a medical problem. it can be dealt with at home, if not super severe.
as you go through that process, do research, as able, and decide whether you need some rehab. from folks i've met, rehab at decent facilities is rarely regretted.
after that, its about choosing your strategy for long term recovery. there are many with good results.
on a personal note, Way To Go! admitting that youre having trouble, and reaching out are the biggest steps. if i would have done so at the age of 28, i would have saved myself some grief.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Sounds like me when I was your age and it lasted another eleven years. take my word for it, it will only get worse if you continue on the path you're on. It's almost always progressive.
You've already taken a big step: you admit you have a problem. Took me a long time to admit that. Once I did, and I still continued to drink, I could take action.
I made a call to AA and met an angel who understood my problem. Started going to meetings, and met LOTS of people who shared my problem.
Had no idea there were others like me.
I had some slips and lived a living nightmare of drinking, recovering. Complete with anxiety, fear and self-loathing.
Finally it clicked, I could not drink responsibly or in moderation. It was all or nothing. I chose nothing and it's been three and a half years since this drunk has had a drop.
There are other programs of recovery, too. Coming here helps me immensely.
You're still young, you have your whole life in front of you. I wish I had been wise enough to know where I was headed at your age.
Many of us here are recovering in different ways. I hope you find one that works for you before it's too late and save yourself the really bad stages of alcoholism.
Best to you.
You've already taken a big step: you admit you have a problem. Took me a long time to admit that. Once I did, and I still continued to drink, I could take action.
I made a call to AA and met an angel who understood my problem. Started going to meetings, and met LOTS of people who shared my problem.
Had no idea there were others like me.
I had some slips and lived a living nightmare of drinking, recovering. Complete with anxiety, fear and self-loathing.
Finally it clicked, I could not drink responsibly or in moderation. It was all or nothing. I chose nothing and it's been three and a half years since this drunk has had a drop.
There are other programs of recovery, too. Coming here helps me immensely.
You're still young, you have your whole life in front of you. I wish I had been wise enough to know where I was headed at your age.
Many of us here are recovering in different ways. I hope you find one that works for you before it's too late and save yourself the really bad stages of alcoholism.
Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Welcome Pveg: Your story is a familiar one to many here on SR. We understand how it feels. There is definitely a way to a better life though, and it's not too late at all to get started today. Have you stopped drinking yet or are you still? It doesn't really matter even if you still are, just gives everyone here a place to start the conversation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
HOnestly I think it sounds like you got a mess on your hands. Haveing been there I'd say for the moment ignore the mess and focus on not drinking. In time you can pick apart that mess and fix it and things will get better and easier as you stay sober. But for the moment focus on not drinking one moment at a time or one day at a time etc..
When i quit my life was in the toilet. (and belive me I had it way easier then most but I didnt realize that) I had over 30 grand in CC debt. My brain was fried I was stoopid over weight all sorts of medical issues etc.. I also sat at AA for the first time 1 year sober looked around the room and thought how the F*** did it come to this?!. I didnt regret it tho or feel bad for myself for having ended up there. I was happy about it by that point. My life was turning around and if thats what i needed to help make things better so be it.
fast forward 3 years i'm out of debt. I'm slim and trim and fit. I still ahve my fair share of problems just like the next guy but my health is better i feel better I'm happier I do better at dealing with life and I dont drink.
I'd try not to focus on that mess tho it might just drag you down and right now you gotta try and feel better. Remember you gotta eat the elephant one bite at a time. you can beat htis one step at a time one day at a time.
When i quit my life was in the toilet. (and belive me I had it way easier then most but I didnt realize that) I had over 30 grand in CC debt. My brain was fried I was stoopid over weight all sorts of medical issues etc.. I also sat at AA for the first time 1 year sober looked around the room and thought how the F*** did it come to this?!. I didnt regret it tho or feel bad for myself for having ended up there. I was happy about it by that point. My life was turning around and if thats what i needed to help make things better so be it.
fast forward 3 years i'm out of debt. I'm slim and trim and fit. I still ahve my fair share of problems just like the next guy but my health is better i feel better I'm happier I do better at dealing with life and I dont drink.
I'd try not to focus on that mess tho it might just drag you down and right now you gotta try and feel better. Remember you gotta eat the elephant one bite at a time. you can beat htis one step at a time one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by zjw
HOnestly I think it sounds like you got a mess on your hands. Haveing been there I'd say for the moment ignore the mess and focus on not drinking. In time you can pick apart that mess and fix it and things will get better and easier as you stay sober. But for the moment focus on not drinking one moment at a time or one day at a time etc..
When i quit my life was in the toilet. (and belive me I had it way easier then most but I didnt realize that) I had over 30 grand in CC debt. My brain was fried I was stoopid over weight all sorts of medical issues etc.. I also sat at AA for the first time 1 year sober looked around the room and thought how the F*** did it come to this?!. I didnt regret it tho or feel bad for myself for having ended up there. I was happy about it by that point. My life was turning around and if thats what i needed to help make things better so be it.
fast forward 3 years i'm out of debt. I'm slim and trim and fit. I still ahve my fair share of problems just like the next guy but my health is better i feel better I'm happier I do better at dealing with life and I dont drink.
I'd try not to focus on that mess tho it might just drag you down and right now you gotta try and feel better. Remember you gotta eat the elephant one bite at a time. you can beat htis one step at a time one day at a time.
When i quit my life was in the toilet. (and belive me I had it way easier then most but I didnt realize that) I had over 30 grand in CC debt. My brain was fried I was stoopid over weight all sorts of medical issues etc.. I also sat at AA for the first time 1 year sober looked around the room and thought how the F*** did it come to this?!. I didnt regret it tho or feel bad for myself for having ended up there. I was happy about it by that point. My life was turning around and if thats what i needed to help make things better so be it.
fast forward 3 years i'm out of debt. I'm slim and trim and fit. I still ahve my fair share of problems just like the next guy but my health is better i feel better I'm happier I do better at dealing with life and I dont drink.
I'd try not to focus on that mess tho it might just drag you down and right now you gotta try and feel better. Remember you gotta eat the elephant one bite at a time. you can beat htis one step at a time one day at a time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by pveg101
Thanks Scott and everyone else for providing support. Today's already been rough and not even half over. Any advice for getting through it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I'm just trying to focus on giving myself some basic goals for the day.
I had to kinda push the pile of garbage off to the side for a while so i could get healthy slowly but surely i picked out simple stuff that i could fix and fixed that as i felt better i took a look at the tougher stuff as i could. If at any time it got to be too much I put it back in the pile and kicked it under the rug till i could muster up the courage again. Remaining sober was the top goal if i let stuff get me down or get the best of me I'd likly go out and get drunk again!.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
Welcome to SR! Quitting is the only way for things to get better. Do you have a program or plan in mind?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Keep it simple, one day at a time, that is the best advice. It really, truly does get better. Every day that you get through is a day that you don't have to go through again--if you don't pick up the drink again. All the money that you save by not drinking will easily knock down the $10k debt. The good stuff starts right away--no more hangovers, better sleep, much less dread, feeling better. The bad feelings and the cravings pass, just ride it out, it gets easier with practice. Keep coming back here. It's hard work but more worth it than anything you'll ever do. I promise.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
I want to say Welcome too pveg.
I know how you feel right now - I remember very clearly my moment of truth. Mine came when I was much older though - drinking for 30 yrs. I wish I'd stopped at 29 - my life would have been so different. Be proud of yourself for reaching this life changing decision.
I know how you feel right now - I remember very clearly my moment of truth. Mine came when I was much older though - drinking for 30 yrs. I wish I'd stopped at 29 - my life would have been so different. Be proud of yourself for reaching this life changing decision.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by pveg101
Not at the moment, but I know I need something. I'm wondering what AA would be like for those that have been.
Dont get me wrong, I could manage a few days, up to 20 the last time I counted, of dont drink no matter what, but I became so uncomfortable, sobriety was so miserable, that I would end up drunk again, often with no memory of even taking the first drink, let alone thinking of the consequences. Don't take the first drink was not my path to permanent sobriety.
I needed a whole change in outlook. I had to learn how to be happily sober. I had to find out how to get along in the real world, without the fear that was my constant companion.
AA showed me how. The world changed from a horrible unfriendly place into something attractive and welcoming. Sobriety actually became a very attractive way to live. And its been working for more than 30 years. you will find plenty of others on this site with similar sober time who have experienced the same thing.
Keep it simple is good advice. By all means make a daily plan. Include good food and excersize in that plan, and if you want to stop drinking for good and all, make sure 1 hour at an AA meeting is also incuded in your plan.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
Welcome! I was scared to go to AA but it has turned out to be a wonderful program. I couldn't stay sober for long on my own even though I tried with all my might. AA taught me how to live sober. I would recommend checking or out.
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