fini

I don't wish to be in a situation ever again that would make me think drinking is better than sobriety.

yes.
and so it's been a bit important (how screwily tentative is THAT?) to imagine some situations. horrid situations. seeing myself be sober in horrid-land. knowing, really KNOWING, that each moment, the tiniest iota moment , is doable, no matter what

and then there's feeling: moments where you might feel that drinking is better than sobriety. when your thoughts know better.
what steps in, in those moments of feelings or situations with thinking?

but i cannot avoid all situations, nor control my feelings. nor would i wish to. at all.

the 'never again' is what i want, what i'm setting for, but ultimately it will be the result of doing stuff.
right. another articulate posting from a clear mind

360shoes

It doesn't bother me to think that. There are a lot of things I'm fine with not doing again for the rest of my life. Drinking is definitely one of them. Rollerblading is another one.

It offers nothing. I like what I got now. Even the cr*ppy days are okay. Everybody gets those. It's just a stupid liquid that just shut me down and caused me problems. I'm done with it. I'll live.

Just me.

Carlotta

I actually use that as a barometer for my sobriety. If for some reason I started to feel a bit anxious or squirmy about the thought never again then it would mean that I am having issues with acceptance and need to get back to doing some work on myself.

neferkamichael

Cabo my friend, I just turned 60, so please be careful with thinking, "life just seems like such a long time". Although the rate at which time changes is a constant for all of us, how we individually think about time is something else. July 10th I'll be 4 years sober and although the temptations will always be there, the urges and cravings have vanished. It takes "time" for the junk thinking to go away, but it will.
Even the negative consequences of drinking to not match up to the allure of intoxication, addiction is just that powerful. Nonetheless, you can quit and I'm rootin for ya.

Nicecupoftea

For me, instead of thinking "I'm never going to be able to drink again" like it's a negative thing, I think "I'm never going to have another hangover for the rest of my life!" which to me is an amazingly positive thing!

I love knowing that every day I wake up I'm going to feel as great as I do today - no fuzzy head, no blackout "guilt", no apologies, no more broken promises, no more days spent vomiting and wishing the hours away.

Having gone 5 months' sober, and having been to a LOT of social events sober, I can honestly say that not drinking is no longer an issue. It's just something I don't do, like not smoking or not taking drugs (both things I've never done). It is a huge shift in mindset, but it's very liberating when you finally get there.

adee

I have always been ok with "never"; it's today I tend to take issue with. I spent years thinking I'd happily quit drinking forever but just wanted this one (or ten) drink today.

I guess I don't really see a big issue with how you see forever at this point. Focus on your short game - get solid with not drinking today, repeat every day. Forever is just a whole lot of todays and when you are still enmeshed in active addiction, your thoughts aren't exactly reliable anyway. And in my experience so far, it takes a lot of time and work to get out of the active addict thinking (I'm not there yet). For me, it's almost always better to stay out of my head and focus on doing rather than thinking. Thinking a certain way about forever or other lofty concepts never got or kept me sober. Taking action on a daily basis to support my sobriety THAT day is key for me.

Acceptance for me is this: today I accept that I am alcoholic and cannot drink. And yes...the EVER is implied in some ways but I don't get hung up on it because I have to accept this every day.

I think we can spent a lot of mental energy on issues like this but I question whether that energy truly adds to the quality of sobriety or if it's a mental diversion from **** we should be doing.

Best to you.

jdooner

When you set a goal, like a five year plan or such its just as important to figure out the execution. The daily regimen and stick to that. Forever is fine as a goal, its mine and I have accepted that but I have to follow this up with my daily (step work), weekly (meetings, SR) and medium term goals (monthly).

I do the same with respect to my house, my career, my athletic hobbies.

PurpleKnight

It depends what works at the end of the day, I know at the start from experience and for newcomers "one day at a time" may be an easier task to execute, as holding on hour by hour, dealing withdrawals can be tough, throw into the mix other things going on in life, family, work etc, things need to be kept simple.

However as time goes on, more of a Sober footing is grasped, the body heals, new goals are created for life and your lifestyle changes into one that was completely different from what it used to be when drinking, then a longer term view can be stomached without a panic attack.

I think it is ok for things not to be static, simply one outlook or the other, but rather it can evolve over time due to more and more Sober time passing for an individual!!

Geeky

I`m personally refusing to think about it, I`m too busy enjoying Now to be bothered with such things like "forever"

MrMagoo

I've always had this problem. Part of me enjoys a drink and I would love to be one of those people who can go out, have a few drinks and keep it under control. I'm not one of those people though. A big problem for me is that I tell myself I'll be ok this time, I've learned to control it, before ending up a drunken mess again. I've got to the stage where I somehow have to accept that alcohol is not an option for me before I destroy my life.

Sudz No More

I've gotten to a point where I just accept it that I can't ever drink again. Doesn't really bother me but I do still have to shut off the thoughts every now and then.

LBrain

Almost six months without a drink...

I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

freshstart57

This is a sweet bit of cbt here, Cuppa, maybe some NLP even. The words we choose and the references they make have great power to influence our behaviour.

And 'I am never going to be able to drink again' is the whiny wheedle of the AV. Recognize it, and rephrase, and all of a sudden the daily reprieve becomes a release from prison with a full pardon. Free for good, forever.

Joe Nerv

Only read the first few responses, and my deal is pretty much the same.

In the very beginning, no way. Didn't think it was possible, and didn't want to never drink again. It was a day at a time for me, and often and hour at a time. Wasn't until a little over a year that I started considering it a never again thing. And at about 2 years sober it was no longer anything I really thought about. I don't drink. I have no desire to ever drink again. My commitment is for life. Yet I don't believe I'm immune to a change in attitude if I don't continue to learn and grow. And that's a positive thing as far as I'm concerned. Motivation to keep pushing forward, with willingness and an open mind, till the day I die. It doesn't mean, as some people like to think, that I live in fear of picking up a drink. Right now I'm 100% void of any concern regarding that.

edit: Just read the "Never going to be able to drink again," thing. Thank god, for reasons I'm not sure, that thought never crossed my mind. I seem to have for some reason gone from, "I probably will drink again because I want to, and won't drink for today", straight over to, "I don't drink anymore, and have no intention of ever doing so".