Weaver

Do any of you guys ever go back and read some of your old posts?

I have been as of late. It makes me cringe. Even when I was "sober" posting its like I was a different person. Like an entirely different person. Alcohol changed everything about me...my personality...everything. UGH.

I like it I guess? Cause it reminds me of the person I used to be and I do not EVER want to go back to that. I will never go back. I wish I had received some of the advice I got later on, in the beginning.

Dee74

I think the really important thing is where we are now Weaver

D

Weaver

Yeah you are right. Perhaps this is a bad thread, maybe I should not focus on the past...it was just alarming to me is all.

Dee74

No it';s not a bad thread...I think looking at the past can be useful in illustrating how far we've come (speaking generally, not about you Weaver )

Don't let it get you down tho - we all had to go through stuff to get where we are today

D

Croissant

Don't be too hard on yourself, Weaver. I used to think that too, like, how did I miss fundamental stuff in the beginning.

Truth is, we only hear what we want to hear. Same as posts, we all interpret things based on our viewpoint at the time.

Don't forget also...it's a fact...alcohol changes our brain chemistry, our perception of things and ourself....one of which is we consistently think we are right. Yep, it's true. So it's understandable we only absorb things initially with a warped sense of self and what's right.

Reflecting on our journey helps us to see how far we've come, and if anything, deters me from revisiting that awfulness again.

LadyinBC

It's not bad. You are seeing how far you have come Weaver and that is a good thing .

Don't cringe at them, you were beginning and you were learning. Give yourself a break.

desypete

one of my best weapons i have, is being able to look back at how i was,compared to how i am today, if things hadn't changed over the last 10 years in me well i might as well of carried on drinking.
i was so sad and miserable and felt alone, i was so angry at the world, my mind was always on the go thinking up things or worrying about things that hadnt even happend yet and were miles ahead in the future, i had mood swings in a blink of an eye
i just could live for the moment at all

i couldn't ever go back to that way again so looking back helps me remember it all and also aa meetings were new comers shaking at meetings and full of fear take me back like it was just yesterday for me and members who are young in sober years help me see how much i have grown

i see some people who are older than me in sober years but i really wouldn't want there life of sobriety at all as there still unhappy and miserable there ungrateful for all that they have it means noting to them unless they have somthing going on in there life there excited about then you hear how wonderful there life is and there happy but it only lasts a short time then they need something else

i was like that to for a few years around aa and i am reall so happy not be there anymore
so looking back can show me a hell of a lot

mick3580

I have gone back numerous times to read my posts. It's as if a different person wrote them. And that's not to take any responsibility off of myself for the crazy stuff I posted.

silentrun

I'm still kind of afraid too. I know I was lighting up that DMS ??? the whole way out. That's probably the whole point to change (back).

PurpleKnight

I do it now and again, it keeps me focused on where I don't want to go back to, I need to be reminded often!!

Croissant

A few weeks ago, I read for the first time, my letter to alcohol after my first slip/relapse in October - in the letter to alcohol thread.

It makes me sad....I could see this person who began to rebuild her life and then how quickly we can let alcohol in when we are vulnerable. That precarious edge we skate on, where we can bloom into who we were meant to be, or get sucked back into an abyss...that really, to me, feels like pure evil.

I'm glad for what I'm learning, and when I see others here make that turning point too. There's hope.

IOAA2

Hi. I don’t read old posts but I believe it’s very important to “REMEMBER WHEN AND KEEP IT GREEN.” Many have a built in forgetter and have a tendency to remember the good times as opposed to the times that got us to be here. I needed all the help I could muster and remembering the results of my drinking was/is very helpful. I appreciate the fact that drinking for me will never be a good experience.

BE WELL

caboblanco

yeah weav..but you posts have been all nice

jdooner

I find our minds have a way of convincing ourselves or how things used to be, which is not always accurate. I will go back and read through my old posts once ever couple months just to remind myself of my thought process. In fact, I believe this is a great asset of this site.

Sudz No More

What bothered me in my early posts was how overly confidant I was. I had so much to learn, I was still discovering how much I really didn't know. Now though, I can look back on those early posts and see how far I have come. No regrets, reading back the early posts only reminds of the groundwork I have laid down and how smooth the pavement is getting.

Grungehead

"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it".

Yeah some of my early posts were somewhat cringeworthy, but one thing I really like from my early posts was reading the enthusiasm I had in early sobriety when only a few weeks earlier I was so depressed and suicidal. It really reminds me of what it was like, what happened and what it's like now.