Mia1972

It is my 160 days of sobriety. It happens just now and then that I have this slight weird feeling of meaninglessness. One side of me learned and realised that there is a whole bunch of nondrinkers out there and feel great that I became one of them. My life is clear, I feel healthier, my relations have become respectful etc. But on the other hand there is as I said a vague thought haunting me asking whether or not I became a null, unemotional and a superficial person who is always rational and kind of boring. I try not to give in to this thought but on the other hand the thought itself makes me uneasy. What are your suggestions to cope?
Thanks in advance

Bubovski

I suggest you look for a passion of some sort.
Existential angst can be hard to avoid for all of us.

As for 'boring': my decades of booze and benzos brought me a very limited
pseudo elation at a very high long term cost..........

ScottFromWI

One of the activities I took back up was playing guitar. New hobbies are great, or getting ongoing education for your job. If you have kids there's of course a limitless amount of things you can do for/with them that help build your self esteem and appreciation for life.

Mia1972

well i do lots of things. rollerblade, walk, condition exercise 2x a week. I have 2 teenage kids and a Yorkshire dog who I love to death. So most of the time I feel great that I quit.
This thought comes to me especially when I am with people who drink. Thats when I feel a little gloomy I also realise find my self too serious and rational. Because I don't drink I prefer to go back home and watch my TV series etc. Thats when I find myself null. Even though I enjoy spending time at home

ScottFromWI

It takes a while to get over that feeling around others who are drinking...it took me many months to even feel comfortable being around others who were drinking. But in reality think about it....you are merely romanticizing what inevitably turns into a nightmare. My kids are involved in enough stuff that I relish a free hour at home with nothing to ;-)

Cow

Hi Mia, I suffers from severe anhedonia and pretty much always feel like dead zombie Borg, but I can assures you, being sober dead zombie Borg involve much less misery and sufferings than being alcoholic dead zombie Borg.

Maybe look at you expectation. Is not really ton of non-drinkers (or drinkers for this matter) out there living in ecstasy of satisfaction and fulfillments every day. Myself, I not believe in God or that human life have any more special meaning or purpose than any other creature. I believe in Joseph Campbell philosophy: "It not the meaning OF life, it's the meaning IS life." This help me to accept that things is what it is and what it is, is enough. Now that just me, but maybe you has some philosophy that can help you through these times.

Eddiebuckle

I was about six months sober when I played golf with old drinking buddies for the first time. They had no clue that I had been to rehab and was 100% sober. When as usual everyone started drinking in the parking lot after the round, I drank Gatorade instead. While the other seven got moderately drunk, it was surprising how obnoxious and uninteresting the conversation got after an hour or so. These are bright and funny people, but that quickly faded once they were three or four beers into it.

Don't assume that your dinking self was all that interesting. There's no way to be a fly on the wall of your past drinking self, but I'd be willing to bet that your capacity for interesting conversation and events is far higher now than it was while you were drinking. Put it to good use... sober.

DeanHV

I am about 100 days now and I pretty much feel that way every day. The lack of drinking has left a huge void in my life that I have yet to fill. It's not that I am hugely unhappy or on the verge of relapsing but I just feel both empty and lonely at the same time. I am hoping to find a group of AA friends to begin to hang out with but so far that has not happened. I am working towards finding a hobby to fill my time and perhaps that will help in the short term. Sorry to hijack this thread but my experience is sort of like yours. Perhaps I am just expecting too much and should set my expectations lower.

Dee74

I find being around drinkers (people whose sole reason for being somewhere is to drink) a trial too.

I'm fortunate in that I made a bunch of new friends - people for whom drinking is an adjunct to being social, not the object of the evening.

They sit on one drink all night. It still amazes me but it doesn't gnaw at me anymore

I'm comfortable being Dee who used to drink but doesn't anymore, but getting to that point was a process.

Have you made any new friendships in recovery Mia?

D

Mia1972

read the posts to this thread. i am sure it will help. made me feel better

Mia1972

no unfortunately not. i don't want to go to a AA group and introduce myself because of some personal issues. i feel comfortable here though. plus not all my friends drink. I think I should spend more time with my non drinking friends.

courage2

Hey Mia I can certainly understand your situation. You write about 3 things that (over-analytical as always) I would separate: meaning, emotion, and interestingness (as opposed to boritude).

Meaning is hard. I think you have to let meaning reveal itself. Anyway, I don't push it, personally. Most things I do are pretty meaningless. I hope a few of them aren't. I'm not sure I'll know the meaningful ones as they come.

Emotion is also hard. I think a lot of us question whether we're capable of genuine emotions, especially positive ones like empathy and love. I've always thought -- and this is hilarious because I'm one of the most self-isolating people you'll never meet -- that real emotions are only discovered through serious relationships with other people. So dig in and make connections, but not superficial ones.

Interestingness is relatively easy. Do something goofy. Wear pink tennies and pigtails. Post limericks on the limericks thread on SR -- that's an interesting crew there, for sure! Learn a magic trick. I find that most former drunks are quite imaginative. You just need to put your nefarious, sneaky-drinking mind to use for fun and not self-destruction. I predict you'll get the hang of it fast!

Cow

I agrees with Snarkbunny, excepting for pink sneaker and pig tail, which I think has well establish and definitive cut off of age 14. But that just Cow.