Anoronha

I used to have a little higher self esteem before I lost my jobs and got in my car accedent. My dad was livid with me after my car wreck and yelled at me a lot. I feel like my parents only give me condtional love and I dislike them sometimes. They say I have disappointed them and well if I were to be vengeful and honest with them I would say they have disappointed me on several occasions but I keep quiet when they say these things. I would also tell them I am tired of them and want to get far away from them and that I will not be returning home for awhile. If I were vengeful I would tell them that It doesn't bother me in the least

jdooner

Are you sober?

Anoronha

sober as hell right now. Just venting. 15 months sober.

ScottFromWI

Don't forget that while they might be dissaopinted, they are also giving you a place to live and you just posted the other day that you were extremely grateful that your father had given you a car to replace your wrecked one.

RobbyRobot

It can often enough happen that self-esteem becomes conditionally tied to our emotional ups and downs, as well as to our mental angst when we are stressed. Detachment can more easily protect our self-esteem appreciation experiences from the roller coaster that over-stress brings - like car accidents and relationships with authority (parents) gone awry.

Self-esteem is always in flux, always being evaluated by ourselves, like a barometer of how we value our selves ie our worthiness to our selves, and by extension, to others in our lives.

Speaking for myself, self-esteem works best for me if I don't attach a negative valuation. My self-esteem is always positive ranging on a continuum from 1 to 100. I use to make use of negative values for my valuation, but later discovered I was just trash-talking myself down for no realistically better position.

Being worthy doesn't have to mean I feel good or bad emotionally anymore, so my feelings are much more in sync with my real-time experiences, and my mind is also not dragging around a lot of baggage
worrying about this and that.

I'm worthy. I don't need to prove that to myself anymore based on the success of every challenge that presents in my day to day life.

I'm much more these past years an ocean of self-esteem, where before I was more just a swiftly moving river of expectations and projections...

Good to hear your 15 months sober. Awesome! Your worth is obvious. You might want to re-visit your self-esteem, creating a foundational place for yourself that isn't as easily battered around by life's misfortunes, and other peoples opinions, including your parents.

I hope things ease up for you and your parents. Take it easy. Be kind to yourself...

jdooner

Thanks - I was not trying to take a jab at you. But you were listing off a bunch of resentments towards your parents and projecting on them. When I was active I was exactly like this. I tried several programs to get sober. In the end I have found AA's 12 steps to work the best for me. I found the process of identifying my role in my own resentments liberating for me.

Congrats on the 15 months and good luck with your family.

Anoronha

Sorry for this post guys. I haven't been to a meeting in 4 days so I am going bat **** crazy and feeling mouthy. Good thing parents aren't home would pick a fight with them. Truth is I am grateful. Im just not myself today. My friend is picking me up this evening for a meeting. My parents are in California and I have no car until they get home. They should be home tomorrow

Anoronha

I feel like I am active again haven't been to a meeting in 4 days because parents are in California till Tuesday and I am stuck at home with no car. Luckily I have a friend who has agreed to give me a ride to a meeting today this evening. I am just not my usual self feel bat **** crazy.

jdooner

Where are you in your steps? The great thing about steps is your really can work the program anywhere - no need for meetings. Take inventory, meditate and help others. Live in 10-12.

Anoronha

I just started the steps again last week. Finished step 1 and Wednesday finishing step 2 and wrote about it already. Meeting sponsor and going over it. Then we are going to read step 3 on Wednesday. My sponsor and I basically go through the steps quickly. The first time we did it really quickly. She has 37 years sober and is the best sponsor for me.

Anoronha

We do the steps out of the 12 by 12 and big book.

Tamerua

4 days without a meeting and all of that going on? Wow, that's a lot. Find your phone list! Glad you're getting to a meeting today.

tomsteve

part of 12th step-
and to practice the principles in all our affairs.
time to start practicing the principles of the steps. you want to try and blame it on not being to a meeting in 4 days. ill tell ya what my sponsor has told me-
its your lie.
its time to LIVE the program. it really works.

jdooner

??? what are you writing about for step #2? The first 3 steps you don't write. You begin writing for step #4. You go through the steps over and over with your sponsor? This makes no sense and could be part of why your having some struggles and lots of resentments.

Anoronha

For step 1 I wrote what my bottom was in life and with alcohol? Step 2 I wrote how it applies to me my life. Step 3 I don't know what I will write about. Usually we read together I ask questions. Usually whatever comes up during the time we talk. I like writing it helps me figure out what my flaws are and what I need to work on. I also highlight things that stand out to me.

tomsteve

Anoronha, I believe yer takin a simple program and making it complicated.

IMO, the best thing for you is having your sponsor show or teach you how to put the program into action in your life. writing can be good, but for me action is where I really started learning how the program works.

jdooner

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

This is a two step process

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This is key

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Usually there is a prayer after reading the first 64 pages.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

First step that requires written action

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


You have been sober for 14 months - congratulations. If you have had your sponsor for 14 months she is doing you a disservice. The role of a sponsor is not to be your friend, your confidant, your parent, etc. A sponsor's role is to bring your through the first 64 pages and the steps so that your obsession may be removed and restored to sanity according to AA's solution.