Honesty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Honesty
First, thanks for taking a look at my thread...
It's interesting, but the only people I can be totally honest with, is the folks here in the forum.
Right, so here it goes - Bumped into my ex-girlfriend the other night(I was with her for almost 3 years and we were pretty much ready to get married, sh*t happened - her fault)... She had a new guy with her (as she should, because she is very, very attractive (stripper))... So, it was a year since we went our seperate ways, BUT my blood boiled when I saw her with someone else... Some of it has to do with me being a Leo and having a stupid ego. Still, all my buddies told me to relax and forget about it.. The guy was cool, I am twice his size being 245lbs and athletic, so he wasn't a ***** to me - he had no choice.
I was polite and said hello, and as some of the male readers here might guess I wanted to punch him right in the head.. Very immature, and with my career - I could not afford a criminal record. Anyways, I dealt with the pain the only way I knew...... So I am back, to day 1 again.
Thanks for listening.
TG28
It's interesting, but the only people I can be totally honest with, is the folks here in the forum.
Right, so here it goes - Bumped into my ex-girlfriend the other night(I was with her for almost 3 years and we were pretty much ready to get married, sh*t happened - her fault)... She had a new guy with her (as she should, because she is very, very attractive (stripper))... So, it was a year since we went our seperate ways, BUT my blood boiled when I saw her with someone else... Some of it has to do with me being a Leo and having a stupid ego. Still, all my buddies told me to relax and forget about it.. The guy was cool, I am twice his size being 245lbs and athletic, so he wasn't a ***** to me - he had no choice.
I was polite and said hello, and as some of the male readers here might guess I wanted to punch him right in the head.. Very immature, and with my career - I could not afford a criminal record. Anyways, I dealt with the pain the only way I knew...... So I am back, to day 1 again.
Thanks for listening.
TG28
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
HEY KONRAD,THOSE FEELINGS ARE SURE HARD TO DEAL WITH FOR ME.
YOU KNOW THAT DRINKING ISN'T THE ANSWER.GLAD YOU MADE IT BACK.
SOME DON'T.DAY ONE!TOMMOROW MAKES TWO ETC.ETC.ETC.HERE FOR YOU MAN........ted
YOU KNOW THAT DRINKING ISN'T THE ANSWER.GLAD YOU MADE IT BACK.
SOME DON'T.DAY ONE!TOMMOROW MAKES TWO ETC.ETC.ETC.HERE FOR YOU MAN........ted
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Hey TG, you handled yourself well. This was a tough situation.
I'm sorry you're back to day 1 again. After awhile you'll learn different coping skills and won't have to drink to handle tough stuff.
Keep your chin up and keep posting, TG. We're with you!
I'm sorry you're back to day 1 again. After awhile you'll learn different coping skills and won't have to drink to handle tough stuff.
Keep your chin up and keep posting, TG. We're with you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi TorontoGuy,
I'm sorry you had that experience with your old girlfriend and slipped. As the others have said, and as I had to learn, there are better ways to deal with problems. For quite awhile I thought alcohol was the only way!
Even though a year has gone by, it seems that your emotions are still pretty much on the surface and raw. Of course, your ex hurt you and then moved on and that's hard to deal with. The thing is TorontoGuy, you need to begin to heal and move on. Try to take a step back and look at the relationship from a bit of a distance. Hopefully you learned something about life from this woman that you can carry with you to help you in the future. I had to smile when you talked about your weight and build relative to the new boyfriend. That is such a guy thing!!
You need to deal with your feelings of rejection/loss and whatever else you feel about this woman and then move on. And, I had to find other ways to deal with pain. For me, it was music - loud, rock and sitting quietly and letting it sweep over me, or being out in nature - hiking, biking, that kind of thing.
I'm glad you're back onboard!!
Love, Anna
I'm sorry you had that experience with your old girlfriend and slipped. As the others have said, and as I had to learn, there are better ways to deal with problems. For quite awhile I thought alcohol was the only way!
Even though a year has gone by, it seems that your emotions are still pretty much on the surface and raw. Of course, your ex hurt you and then moved on and that's hard to deal with. The thing is TorontoGuy, you need to begin to heal and move on. Try to take a step back and look at the relationship from a bit of a distance. Hopefully you learned something about life from this woman that you can carry with you to help you in the future. I had to smile when you talked about your weight and build relative to the new boyfriend. That is such a guy thing!!
You need to deal with your feelings of rejection/loss and whatever else you feel about this woman and then move on. And, I had to find other ways to deal with pain. For me, it was music - loud, rock and sitting quietly and letting it sweep over me, or being out in nature - hiking, biking, that kind of thing.
I'm glad you're back onboard!!
Love, Anna
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Originally posted by TorontoGuy28
Anyways, I dealt with the pain the only way I knew......
Anyways, I dealt with the pain the only way I knew......
Well TG, there within that statement lies what is your issue, IMO. First, I think you realize that you didn’t deal with the pain, you merely chemically ignored it for one evening. When I handled things that way, the “pain� came back even more intense the next time. You also say that this is the only way you knew how to handle this situation. I don’t really believe that. Additionally, using language like that with yourself is really only ever going to steer you in one direction. Let’s play a game TG, want to? Let’s say you had a time machine and could go back to last night right before you decided to take that first drink. Looking in from the outside, what other things could you come up with to tell yourself to do? What alternatives to drinking are out there for you? Having a list of readily available alternatives can help you avoid putting yourself in an emotional state of only knowing one way to deal with things. My first list like this ranged anywhere from buying a book about quitting drinking to eating so much chubby hubby ice cream that I would puke. Some alternatives are more constructive than others, but if they are a more responsible choice than drinking, than they can server you well.
Hang in there dude!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 122
Hey Man,
I been right where you are. Yeah dealing with feelings is something I ran from all my life. But as I grew I learned to experience them, good or bad. That is being alive for me, not running from them, but it took time to learn how to not let these things I have no control of have such power over me.
Also for me when it comes to the affairs of the heart the pain really doesn't go away completely even with the passing of time.
I guess that is why I am grateful that where I am now I just know that a drink won't kill the pain anymore and just makes things much, much worse for me.
take care.
H
I been right where you are. Yeah dealing with feelings is something I ran from all my life. But as I grew I learned to experience them, good or bad. That is being alive for me, not running from them, but it took time to learn how to not let these things I have no control of have such power over me.
Also for me when it comes to the affairs of the heart the pain really doesn't go away completely even with the passing of time.
I guess that is why I am grateful that where I am now I just know that a drink won't kill the pain anymore and just makes things much, much worse for me.
take care.
H
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
I need new ways to deal with emotions etc.
Recognizing that is very important. I believe developing empowering alternatives is probably the second most important strategy in breaking a bad habit. When the opportunity arises, having a readily available “menu� of activities can prevent a person from ever being in a situation where they believe that they have no choice. But, what you just said goes a little beyond that. You said that you need a way of dealing with your emotions. Listen, I try really hard not to push things on people unless they want them. But, I can direct you to some online resources that deal with the handling of emotions. You might like them; you might think that they are BS. They helped me and if you are interested in my posting the links, just let me know. Regardless, it is advisable to come up with a plan for how you plan to deal with emotions in the future.
Hang in there.
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
Hey TG,
Just wanted you to know I was pulling for you. I started day one and blew it miserably and did the same thing you did, came here and admitted I had to start over. The great thing is we do get another chance and as someone said above one day makes two, etc.
Thoughts and prayers are with you man,
Triegger
Just wanted you to know I was pulling for you. I started day one and blew it miserably and did the same thing you did, came here and admitted I had to start over. The great thing is we do get another chance and as someone said above one day makes two, etc.
Thoughts and prayers are with you man,
Triegger
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