Rndz7

So my AV said today, go ahead, stop for a drink. Nope. Why mess it up.? Then I come home, to my miserable spouse, who's trapped by her own convictions. Open up the mail, and the enabling spouse, has a sales tax lien on my record for another 30 K. So on top of the home being foreclosed, the mother in law dying from bladder cancer, in the living room, that is now here bedroomSo instead of talking about it. No one talks to each other. So, I suffer in silence day after day. On top of this, My Add son is out again,
, so naturally, I'm on edge. Do I want a drink , nope. Am I sober, nope, just Dry. I'm just freaking angry, at everyone. I don't want a drink I want a solution.

Dee74

I don't have a solution

Have you tried talking with your wife about all this?


D

Raider

Wow. That's a lot. Pray. I'll pray for you.

Gottalife

I have a solution. AA. Through AA I have been able to stay sober no matter what, and feel ok inside, even with tragedy all around me. And I've been of use to others.

Through AA I have learnt it's an inside job. The external environment often aggravated the way I felt, but it didn't cause it. When the internals were sorted, I was able to handle the externals much better.

It wasn't an easy solution, I resisted almost to my last breath. But it has proved totally reliable.

Stoogy

You have to battle on more than one front my friend, most of us are dealing mainly with our own addictions which Is hard enough at times and I can only wish you the very best.
Take care.

jdooner

Seems pretty simple...you would prefer to do everything and anything but fix yourself. Stop trying to change others and get your own house in order. You can't control others including your wife and try to stop the pity party it's only hurting you.

The 12 steps sounds like a solution

LadyBlue0527

Ditto in triplicate!

I have always said that AA would be useful for someone who never even had a problem with alcohol. Although the basis of the program is to quit an addiction the foundation tools in the program are serious information on dealing with the ups and downs of life in general. Who couldn't use feeling ok inside no matter the tragedy around them?

Rndz7, I'm sorry that you've got so much on your plate. This program would be of great assistance to you. There's lots of information about many good programs on this board.

I wish you the best.

karate

I have medication from the doctor for those times .

It might be for you ,or not .

But it works for me .

Lenina

Breathe. Break it down to the smaller parts. What can you do? Get an attorney for the tax problems. Make some plans to visit MIL, maybe bring her some small tokens of your love and support.

How old is your son?

I don't mean to sound flip or nasty. I find taking a deep breath and knowing "what is, Is." Throwing a drunk at any of these problems only makes it worse. can you get some counseling? does your work have an EAP? does your health insurance cover some mental health counseling? can your GP recommend a low cost, sliding scale therapist? Your local hospital may have a social services department with a referral list.

I hope this helps. You are not alone.

Love from Lenina

leviathan

man. what a bad situation. i hope it improves soon. im not AA. im not even christan. but, i love that serenity prayer.

now that im doing the sober thing, i find that i can still slip into abusing my body in times of stress. remember to eat as best you can, and get a little quiet time every day.

zjw

that right there is extra bad in the begining. be patient things will turn around. I had some pretty insurmountable problems when i sobered up. I was in all out rage. I hit the point whre i just quit caring about them beucase I had no solution to them so what was the point even even giving 2 $hits. This approach for me became a great releif as I relealized there was no sense in freaking out about problems i could do nothing about. I had to accept things for the way that they where. I had to live my life and put my sanity ahead of everything. I had an attitude of the world could fall down around me and who cares so long as i'm sober happy and healthy. I too thought take my house i dont care i'll sleep in a box i wanst gonna let nothing beat me down anymore. I was determined to find a way to be happy no matter what the circumstances.

You need your sanity and if your problems are too big why worry about them? I could use some of my own advice i'm far from perfect myself.

In my case in time things eased up my insurmountable problems are gone solutions finally came. Maybe not in the time frame I would have liked but they did come.

hang in there.

zjw

One of my latest lines in tough situations is "so what life goes on"

i worry i'll loose my job and i think what difference does it make. Life will just go on it always does. sometimes you have to just roll with it. you might not like how its going but if you let it get to you it will rob you of your happiness. Going with the flow can stink but it also can be a relief knowing hey i'm doing all i can this is just how it is and move on to a happier thought.

GetSmart

Stay strong man. This too will pass.

It's not easy to suffer in silence though. It does sound like the support of a good AA group would help, even give you sth. to look forward to.

Dee74

How are you doing Rndz7?

Rndz7

I'm still dry. Son is out again. I just chased him for 2 hrs. Can't find him. Spouse went to bed, she's had enough of me screaming at her all day. Mother in law, looks like she is dead. Daughter hiding in room. Victim. I will begin eviction proceedings. I'm looking to move out. I don't go to AA. Did it , hate it, did it, hate it,,,,100 times. Oh yeah, wise ass, I don't have pity parties, I vent, it makes me feel better. That, and exercising 6 days a week. I am summoning the courage to remain sober. One day at a time. I don't have a safe place, other than this wacko house. It's not a home today, just a house. Tomm a little walking, working, eating, and keeping a balanced act.

Rndz7.

Rndz7

12 steps , tried it, don't buy it...I must like the pain....NOT...

zjw

good choices. I mentioned how angry i can get about stuff and someone told me go for another walk. i'm like what? there like yeah go walk around the building 10 times wtvr it takes to calm down some. It helps too.

Yep I can relate. I can be a real bastard when i let it get the best of me. That will ease up a lot down the road. I still end up in a pretty stinken foul mood tho if i allow crummy situations to get the best of me.

Sometimes all you can do is shrug your shoulders or throw your hands in the air and say screw it. A lot of times its not worth freaking out over. Freaking out never really accomplishes much but of course venting and blowing off the steam I suppose eases it some but a heathier way is to go for the walk instead. i felt like a wack job going for multiple walks a day but my skin was crawling i was so stinken pissed off.

hang in there.