Life is so precious
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
Life is so precious
My neighbor and friend Ricardo died suddenly two weeks ago.
I have been holding off on posting this for various reasons. Mostly I could not find the words to express the emotions I felt/currently feel and it was such a traumatic event that I think I am still trying to process it all.
My family and I live next door to a wonderful Spanish speaking family from Mexico. They have a daughter of 12 and an uncle who lives with them as well. Ricardo and his wife speak limited English, the uncle absolutely no english and the little girl is pretty fluent.
I only knew Ricardo for about a year and he as honestly the most genuine, kind man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Upon our first day in our new home, he immediately came to our drive way and offered assistance in unloading our Uhaul. Over the course of the next year he would have us over for various "fiestas" and other FAMILY gatherings of his. He always was a help to my wife when I was not home (helping bring down the trash cans, carrying in extra groceries...etc)
He once told me we were the nicest neighbors he had ever had. We live in a very modest house as do they and they all worked very hard but were so very happy.
I will say Ricardo liked to drink. I know he did not drink every day, but when he DID drink he DRANK. I am ashamed to admit we drank together a couple times (before I changed my life for the better and quit drinking) Nevertheless, at least physically he seemed in perfectly good health. He was in shape, active, ran...looked good and healthy.
That Saturday, our neighbors across the street were having a get together/party. I was on our front porch that evening just relaxing when Ricardo came over, with his cooler of Corona and asked me to join him. I politely declined. The next day, my son had accidentally kicked his ball over the fence into their yard. Ricardo came out and threw it back to him. He did not look good, at all however I just assumed it was due to his hangover. He told me "That Jack (my son) he is a good boy." That was the last thing I would ever hear him say. The last time I would see him alive.
I returned home from work Monday and was in our bedroom changing clothes (my wife and two young boys were at my mother in laws house) when I heard BANGING on my door and his wife Anna frantically yelling "help, help help" I rushed to the door and she said, as best she could "Ricardo is hurt, he is purple" She handed me her cell phone, and I quickly found out she had already contacted 911. I rushed over to their driveway to find Ricardo face down. Lifeless.Motionless. Purple and splotchy. Looking back, I knew right then and there that he was dead. I could just TELL
At his point I am pretty sure I had a mild panic attack, as it is a blur. I am on the phone with 911 as Anna and his daughter are screaming and crying frantically. The dispatcher tells me to lean down and check for breathing. I did so, but could not hear anything. I checked for a pulse...I THOUGHT I felt one, but looking back it could have just been mine I felt.
Over the course of the next 10 minutes, the ambulance and police arrive and move us to the front yard. His wife was so frantic and crying so hard she began to dry heave/throw up. His daughter is in fits. The only way I could describe it is pretend you just saw the most powerful performance from a fantastic actor in a movie and being in total awe of the performance. It was absolutely traumatic. But this was REAL
Anna keeps repeating...no...more screaming "he ok, he ok, he ok, he ok" Finally paramedic tells her...No, He is not ok. The types of sounds and wails that came from that poor woman's body is something I honestly would not wish upon my worst enemy to hear.
From there, the family and a few friends that had come over during all the commotion retire into their house.
The next day, his brother was outside smoking a cig. I asked him if they knew what happened. Apparently it was acute alcohol liver failure. POOF. Just like that. DEAD. No slow death as many alcoholic deaths are. No warnings. No "if you quit drinking now, your liver can repair itself" No second chances. Just death. Dead. Gone forever.
I feel guilty even saying this, but this occurance has completely changed my life. Life is such a beautiful gift. We are here for only a short amount of time. Alcohol can and WILL KILL you. It is not always long and drawn out. It can be quick. Alcohol does not give a $hit. It is a poison and when abused can wreak so much havoc on our bodies that you can literally die in an instant.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I watched my own mother die a slow death from alcohol. It was awful but this...idk...i am still shaken up from it.
To all of those who are struggling. Please, I PROMISE you active addiction is a one way ticket to death. When removed from the daily struggle of alcohol you really do see the beauty in all that is around us everyday. Enjoy every MOMENT, capture MOMENTS, MAKE moments happen.
Life is meant to be lived. Life is MEANT to be hard sometimes. Life is SUPPOSED to be AWESOME and difficult at the same time. Embrace ALL of it. It can be over so so quick.
I have been holding off on posting this for various reasons. Mostly I could not find the words to express the emotions I felt/currently feel and it was such a traumatic event that I think I am still trying to process it all.
My family and I live next door to a wonderful Spanish speaking family from Mexico. They have a daughter of 12 and an uncle who lives with them as well. Ricardo and his wife speak limited English, the uncle absolutely no english and the little girl is pretty fluent.
I only knew Ricardo for about a year and he as honestly the most genuine, kind man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Upon our first day in our new home, he immediately came to our drive way and offered assistance in unloading our Uhaul. Over the course of the next year he would have us over for various "fiestas" and other FAMILY gatherings of his. He always was a help to my wife when I was not home (helping bring down the trash cans, carrying in extra groceries...etc)
He once told me we were the nicest neighbors he had ever had. We live in a very modest house as do they and they all worked very hard but were so very happy.
I will say Ricardo liked to drink. I know he did not drink every day, but when he DID drink he DRANK. I am ashamed to admit we drank together a couple times (before I changed my life for the better and quit drinking) Nevertheless, at least physically he seemed in perfectly good health. He was in shape, active, ran...looked good and healthy.
That Saturday, our neighbors across the street were having a get together/party. I was on our front porch that evening just relaxing when Ricardo came over, with his cooler of Corona and asked me to join him. I politely declined. The next day, my son had accidentally kicked his ball over the fence into their yard. Ricardo came out and threw it back to him. He did not look good, at all however I just assumed it was due to his hangover. He told me "That Jack (my son) he is a good boy." That was the last thing I would ever hear him say. The last time I would see him alive.
I returned home from work Monday and was in our bedroom changing clothes (my wife and two young boys were at my mother in laws house) when I heard BANGING on my door and his wife Anna frantically yelling "help, help help" I rushed to the door and she said, as best she could "Ricardo is hurt, he is purple" She handed me her cell phone, and I quickly found out she had already contacted 911. I rushed over to their driveway to find Ricardo face down. Lifeless.Motionless. Purple and splotchy. Looking back, I knew right then and there that he was dead. I could just TELL
At his point I am pretty sure I had a mild panic attack, as it is a blur. I am on the phone with 911 as Anna and his daughter are screaming and crying frantically. The dispatcher tells me to lean down and check for breathing. I did so, but could not hear anything. I checked for a pulse...I THOUGHT I felt one, but looking back it could have just been mine I felt.
Over the course of the next 10 minutes, the ambulance and police arrive and move us to the front yard. His wife was so frantic and crying so hard she began to dry heave/throw up. His daughter is in fits. The only way I could describe it is pretend you just saw the most powerful performance from a fantastic actor in a movie and being in total awe of the performance. It was absolutely traumatic. But this was REAL
Anna keeps repeating...no...more screaming "he ok, he ok, he ok, he ok" Finally paramedic tells her...No, He is not ok. The types of sounds and wails that came from that poor woman's body is something I honestly would not wish upon my worst enemy to hear.
From there, the family and a few friends that had come over during all the commotion retire into their house.
The next day, his brother was outside smoking a cig. I asked him if they knew what happened. Apparently it was acute alcohol liver failure. POOF. Just like that. DEAD. No slow death as many alcoholic deaths are. No warnings. No "if you quit drinking now, your liver can repair itself" No second chances. Just death. Dead. Gone forever.
I feel guilty even saying this, but this occurance has completely changed my life. Life is such a beautiful gift. We are here for only a short amount of time. Alcohol can and WILL KILL you. It is not always long and drawn out. It can be quick. Alcohol does not give a $hit. It is a poison and when abused can wreak so much havoc on our bodies that you can literally die in an instant.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I watched my own mother die a slow death from alcohol. It was awful but this...idk...i am still shaken up from it.
To all of those who are struggling. Please, I PROMISE you active addiction is a one way ticket to death. When removed from the daily struggle of alcohol you really do see the beauty in all that is around us everyday. Enjoy every MOMENT, capture MOMENTS, MAKE moments happen.
Life is meant to be lived. Life is MEANT to be hard sometimes. Life is SUPPOSED to be AWESOME and difficult at the same time. Embrace ALL of it. It can be over so so quick.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Weaver. Firstly, I am so sorry you lost your friend this way....that's the part that finished me with alcohol...it can kill with no real warning.
Secondly, I am so sorry you had to experience this event...so traumatic in itself. Those screams and wails and the trauma of seeing a family in distress and trying to assist yourself. Completely understand. Have been through a similar experience. Please don't under estimate it was traumatic for you too and look after yourself.
Secondly, I am so sorry you had to experience this event...so traumatic in itself. Those screams and wails and the trauma of seeing a family in distress and trying to assist yourself. Completely understand. Have been through a similar experience. Please don't under estimate it was traumatic for you too and look after yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Such a sad, sad story but one that I believe God may have purposely had you witness for your very own recovery.
Sorry for your loss, I believe God works in mysterious ways. I think that was one of them. IMO
Sorry for your loss, I believe God works in mysterious ways. I think that was one of them. IMO
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 151
Life is indeed precious. It's a terrifying storm to me as well. Finding the positive is hard for me at times because of my depression. My cousin died a few years back from booze and his wife is on the way out. He was in his late 40's and a great friend. Yet I still battle with alcoholism. I'll never stop trying. And coming to a place like sr and hearing personal reflections and info helps a great deal. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
I am so sorry, Weaver, to hear about your friend; what a tragedy for him and for his family - truly heartbreaking.
I lost a friend yesterday to complications/consequences of alcoholism; he fell down a flight of stairs over a year ago while very inebriated suffering severe and irreversible brain damage; he spent the last year in trauma centers rehab facilities and nursing homes. He was never able to return home.
This alcohol stuff is serious business and it is and can be deadly.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. Be comforted.
I lost a friend yesterday to complications/consequences of alcoholism; he fell down a flight of stairs over a year ago while very inebriated suffering severe and irreversible brain damage; he spent the last year in trauma centers rehab facilities and nursing homes. He was never able to return home.
This alcohol stuff is serious business and it is and can be deadly.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. Be comforted.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
that is terrible. one of many reasons for my boozeless life is not wanting to leave my children with that kind of scene. my mother, also succumbed to the alc. when i was 16, she "got sick", and had to go to the hospital. instead of coming out, she turned yellow and died. her last words to me were,"you need a haircut."
at the age of 44, i now have difficulty hearing her voice in my head. it took me years to mourn properly. as a matter of fact, my dance with the drink started a year before her death. -like she passed the baton or something.
i often wonder how my wife and her would have gotten along. i think i would have been the third wheel! i KNOW she would have loved the kids. a shame.
now i find myself having been beaten around by my obsession with alc. health is good, so thats a blessing. but, damn! my pride sure has taken a ding. my spouse has had to put up with some crap.
cold beer on a hot summer day. wine pairing. good french champagne. aged whiskey(i was seeking knowledge of this from brother in law), getting hammered with everyones blessing on new years. not really much of a loss considering possible consequences. it just sucks that i didnt learn this lesson at her bedside...i wouldnt be posting to you and the gang now, for sure. LOL!
at the age of 44, i now have difficulty hearing her voice in my head. it took me years to mourn properly. as a matter of fact, my dance with the drink started a year before her death. -like she passed the baton or something.
i often wonder how my wife and her would have gotten along. i think i would have been the third wheel! i KNOW she would have loved the kids. a shame.
now i find myself having been beaten around by my obsession with alc. health is good, so thats a blessing. but, damn! my pride sure has taken a ding. my spouse has had to put up with some crap.
cold beer on a hot summer day. wine pairing. good french champagne. aged whiskey(i was seeking knowledge of this from brother in law), getting hammered with everyones blessing on new years. not really much of a loss considering possible consequences. it just sucks that i didnt learn this lesson at her bedside...i wouldnt be posting to you and the gang now, for sure. LOL!
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Weaver 
My neighbor and friend Ricardo died suddenly two weeks ago.
I have been holding off on posting this for various reasons. Mostly I could not find the words to express the emotions I felt/currently feel and it was such a traumatic event that I think I am still trying to process it all.
My family and I live next door to a wonderful Spanish speaking family from Mexico. They have a daughter of 12 and an uncle who lives with them as well. Ricardo and his wife speak limited English, the uncle absolutely no english and the little girl is pretty fluent.
I only knew Ricardo for about a year and he as honestly the most genuine, kind man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Upon our first day in our new home, he immediately came to our drive way and offered assistance in unloading our Uhaul. Over the course of the next year he would have us over for various "fiestas" and other FAMILY gatherings of his. He always was a help to my wife when I was not home (helping bring down the trash cans, carrying in extra groceries...etc)
He once told me we were the nicest neighbors he had ever had. We live in a very modest house as do they and they all worked very hard but were so very happy.
I will say Ricardo liked to drink. I know he did not drink every day, but when he DID drink he DRANK. I am ashamed to admit we drank together a couple times (before I changed my life for the better and quit drinking) Nevertheless, at least physically he seemed in perfectly good health. He was in shape, active, ran...looked good and healthy.
That Saturday, our neighbors across the street were having a get together/party. I was on our front porch that evening just relaxing when Ricardo came over, with his cooler of Corona and asked me to join him. I politely declined. The next day, my son had accidentally kicked his ball over the fence into their yard. Ricardo came out and threw it back to him. He did not look good, at all however I just assumed it was due to his hangover. He told me "That Jack (my son) he is a good boy." That was the last thing I would ever hear him say. The last time I would see him alive.
I returned home from work Monday and was in our bedroom changing clothes (my wife and two young boys were at my mother in laws house) when I heard BANGING on my door and his wife Anna frantically yelling "help, help help" I rushed to the door and she said, as best she could "Ricardo is hurt, he is purple" She handed me her cell phone, and I quickly found out she had already contacted 911. I rushed over to their driveway to find Ricardo face down. Lifeless.Motionless. Purple and splotchy. Looking back, I knew right then and there that he was dead. I could just TELL
At his point I am pretty sure I had a mild panic attack, as it is a blur. I am on the phone with 911 as Anna and his daughter are screaming and crying frantically. The dispatcher tells me to lean down and check for breathing. I did so, but could not hear anything. I checked for a pulse...I THOUGHT I felt one, but looking back it could have just been mine I felt.
Over the course of the next 10 minutes, the ambulance and police arrive and move us to the front yard. His wife was so frantic and crying so hard she began to dry heave/throw up. His daughter is in fits. The only way I could describe it is pretend you just saw the most powerful performance from a fantastic actor in a movie and being in total awe of the performance. It was absolutely traumatic. But this was REAL
Anna keeps repeating...no...more screaming "he ok, he ok, he ok, he ok" Finally paramedic tells her...No, He is not ok. The types of sounds and wails that came from that poor woman's body is something I honestly would not wish upon my worst enemy to hear.
From there, the family and a few friends that had come over during all the commotion retire into their house.
The next day, his brother was outside smoking a cig. I asked him if they knew what happened. Apparently it was acute alcohol liver failure. POOF. Just like that. DEAD. No slow death as many alcoholic deaths are. No warnings. No "if you quit drinking now, your liver can repair itself" No second chances. Just death. Dead. Gone forever.
I feel guilty even saying this, but this occurance has completely changed my life. Life is such a beautiful gift. We are here for only a short amount of time. Alcohol can and WILL KILL you. It is not always long and drawn out. It can be quick. Alcohol does not give a $hit. It is a poison and when abused can wreak so much havoc on our bodies that you can literally die in an instant.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I watched my own mother die a slow death from alcohol. It was awful but this...idk...i am still shaken up from it.
To all of those who are struggling. Please, I PROMISE you active addiction is a one way ticket to death. When removed from the daily struggle of alcohol you really do see the beauty in all that is around us everyday. Enjoy every MOMENT, capture MOMENTS, MAKE moments happen.
Life is meant to be lived. Life is MEANT to be hard sometimes. Life is SUPPOSED to be AWESOME and difficult at the same time. Embrace ALL of it. It can be over so so quick.
I have been holding off on posting this for various reasons. Mostly I could not find the words to express the emotions I felt/currently feel and it was such a traumatic event that I think I am still trying to process it all.
My family and I live next door to a wonderful Spanish speaking family from Mexico. They have a daughter of 12 and an uncle who lives with them as well. Ricardo and his wife speak limited English, the uncle absolutely no english and the little girl is pretty fluent.
I only knew Ricardo for about a year and he as honestly the most genuine, kind man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Upon our first day in our new home, he immediately came to our drive way and offered assistance in unloading our Uhaul. Over the course of the next year he would have us over for various "fiestas" and other FAMILY gatherings of his. He always was a help to my wife when I was not home (helping bring down the trash cans, carrying in extra groceries...etc)
He once told me we were the nicest neighbors he had ever had. We live in a very modest house as do they and they all worked very hard but were so very happy.
I will say Ricardo liked to drink. I know he did not drink every day, but when he DID drink he DRANK. I am ashamed to admit we drank together a couple times (before I changed my life for the better and quit drinking) Nevertheless, at least physically he seemed in perfectly good health. He was in shape, active, ran...looked good and healthy.
That Saturday, our neighbors across the street were having a get together/party. I was on our front porch that evening just relaxing when Ricardo came over, with his cooler of Corona and asked me to join him. I politely declined. The next day, my son had accidentally kicked his ball over the fence into their yard. Ricardo came out and threw it back to him. He did not look good, at all however I just assumed it was due to his hangover. He told me "That Jack (my son) he is a good boy." That was the last thing I would ever hear him say. The last time I would see him alive.
I returned home from work Monday and was in our bedroom changing clothes (my wife and two young boys were at my mother in laws house) when I heard BANGING on my door and his wife Anna frantically yelling "help, help help" I rushed to the door and she said, as best she could "Ricardo is hurt, he is purple" She handed me her cell phone, and I quickly found out she had already contacted 911. I rushed over to their driveway to find Ricardo face down. Lifeless.Motionless. Purple and splotchy. Looking back, I knew right then and there that he was dead. I could just TELL
At his point I am pretty sure I had a mild panic attack, as it is a blur. I am on the phone with 911 as Anna and his daughter are screaming and crying frantically. The dispatcher tells me to lean down and check for breathing. I did so, but could not hear anything. I checked for a pulse...I THOUGHT I felt one, but looking back it could have just been mine I felt.
Over the course of the next 10 minutes, the ambulance and police arrive and move us to the front yard. His wife was so frantic and crying so hard she began to dry heave/throw up. His daughter is in fits. The only way I could describe it is pretend you just saw the most powerful performance from a fantastic actor in a movie and being in total awe of the performance. It was absolutely traumatic. But this was REAL
Anna keeps repeating...no...more screaming "he ok, he ok, he ok, he ok" Finally paramedic tells her...No, He is not ok. The types of sounds and wails that came from that poor woman's body is something I honestly would not wish upon my worst enemy to hear.
From there, the family and a few friends that had come over during all the commotion retire into their house.
The next day, his brother was outside smoking a cig. I asked him if they knew what happened. Apparently it was acute alcohol liver failure. POOF. Just like that. DEAD. No slow death as many alcoholic deaths are. No warnings. No "if you quit drinking now, your liver can repair itself" No second chances. Just death. Dead. Gone forever.
I feel guilty even saying this, but this occurance has completely changed my life. Life is such a beautiful gift. We are here for only a short amount of time. Alcohol can and WILL KILL you. It is not always long and drawn out. It can be quick. Alcohol does not give a $hit. It is a poison and when abused can wreak so much havoc on our bodies that you can literally die in an instant.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I watched my own mother die a slow death from alcohol. It was awful but this...idk...i am still shaken up from it.
To all of those who are struggling. Please, I PROMISE you active addiction is a one way ticket to death. When removed from the daily struggle of alcohol you really do see the beauty in all that is around us everyday. Enjoy every MOMENT, capture MOMENTS, MAKE moments happen.
Life is meant to be lived. Life is MEANT to be hard sometimes. Life is SUPPOSED to be AWESOME and difficult at the same time. Embrace ALL of it. It can be over so so quick.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Sorry to hear about your neighbor, prayers for all involved in his life. It makes me think that as we get older the list of those that had entered our life and gone before us never stops growing and it never gets easier, maybe thats as it should be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Weaver thank you for the post. I am so sorry for what you experienced and for Ricardo's poor family. You are correct, life is precious. I never understood this until I gained some clarity through sobriety.
Make sure you talk to someone. A traumatic event like you experienced embeds in areas you don't event think it would and can reoccur if not dealt with properly.
Make sure you talk to someone. A traumatic event like you experienced embeds in areas you don't event think it would and can reoccur if not dealt with properly.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Weaver, I am sorry for your loss but I am grateful you posted it. It is life events like this that happen that can remind us not only how precious life is but to be grateful for what we have.
That could have been any one of us or one of our family, friends or neighbors.
For me personally, it put my thoughts into proper perspective today.
Thank you
That could have been any one of us or one of our family, friends or neighbors.
For me personally, it put my thoughts into proper perspective today.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by leviathan
that is terrible. one of many reasons for my boozeless life is not wanting to leave my children with that kind of scene. my mother, also succumbed to the alc. when i was 16, she "got sick", and had to go to the hospital. instead of coming out, she turned yellow and died. her last words to me were,"you need a haircut."
at the age of 44, i now have difficulty hearing her voice in my head. it took me years to mourn properly. as a matter of fact, my dance with the drink started a year before her death. -like she passed the baton or something.
i often wonder how my wife and her would have gotten along. i think i would have been the third wheel! i KNOW she would have loved the kids. a shame.
now i find myself having been beaten around by my obsession with alc. health is good, so thats a blessing. but, damn! my pride sure has taken a ding. my spouse has had to put up with some crap.
cold beer on a hot summer day. wine pairing. good french champagne. aged whiskey(i was seeking knowledge of this from brother in law), getting hammered with everyones blessing on new years. not really much of a loss considering possible consequences. it just sucks that i didnt learn this lesson at her bedside...i wouldnt be posting to you and the gang now, for sure. LOL!
at the age of 44, i now have difficulty hearing her voice in my head. it took me years to mourn properly. as a matter of fact, my dance with the drink started a year before her death. -like she passed the baton or something.
i often wonder how my wife and her would have gotten along. i think i would have been the third wheel! i KNOW she would have loved the kids. a shame.
now i find myself having been beaten around by my obsession with alc. health is good, so thats a blessing. but, damn! my pride sure has taken a ding. my spouse has had to put up with some crap.
cold beer on a hot summer day. wine pairing. good french champagne. aged whiskey(i was seeking knowledge of this from brother in law), getting hammered with everyones blessing on new years. not really much of a loss considering possible consequences. it just sucks that i didnt learn this lesson at her bedside...i wouldnt be posting to you and the gang now, for sure. LOL!
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